


From the Ground Up

by skygirl55



Category: Castle (TV 2009)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 56,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28791486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skygirl55/pseuds/skygirl55
Summary: The last thing Richard Castle wants it to spend time isolated with Kate Beckett after she threw him out of her life after taking a bullet to the chest, but thanks to unprecedented circumstances, that seems to be the only way to keep her safe. AU Post S3. #castleficathonwinter2020 entry
Relationships: Kate Beckett/Richard Castle
Comments: 9
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

** From the ground up **

**Chapter 1**

Sitting at the desk in his office, Richard Castle rocked back in his chair and absentmindedly tapped the pen he held against the edge of his desk. Displayed on his laptop screen was the outline for the final two chapters of his latest novel, _Heat Rises_. To that point, writing the third adventure of NYPD Detective extraordinaire Nikki Heat had gone well. Up until a week prior he’d thought it would continue to go well, and he would finish by his writing deadline of the Friday before Memorial Day weekend. But seven days prior things began to…unravel.

The sharp turn in the trajectory of his life had begun with the death of former NYPD member Gary McCallister. Then, Hal Lockwood had escaped during his hearing for McCallister’s murder. The NYPD captain he’d come to know as a friend and colleague had then been revealed as a co-conspirator in Beckett’s mother’s murder only to be subsequently killed himself during a shoot-out he and Beckett had just barely escaped from. Then, the pièce de resistance in the collapse of his sanity: Beckett had taken a bullet to the chest during Lockwood’s failed attempt to assassinate her.

It really had been a hell of a week.

Now, Beckett lay in the ICU at Lincoln Medical Center as she recovered from her hellish ordeal and Castle sat in his office trying to figure out the best way to change the ending to _Heat Rises_. The childish side of him wanted to do something that would hurt Beckett the way she had by effectively throwing him out of her life, but he knew in the long run he would regret doing that in a publication that would be around quite literally forever. Instead, he knew he needed to find a way to honor Montgomery’s memory. Though the man had made many mistakes in his career, in the end he’d sacrificed his life to save Beckett, and that was something worth honoring.

Hoping that physical movement would help him process, Castle stood from his chair, grabbed a stress ball shaped like the Death Star from his desk and began to squeeze it as he paced the space in front of his desk. He reviewed the last few chapters of what he’d written in his mind, wondering if they were sufficient or if he needed to go back and rewrite some of those to fit his new ending. Of course, before he could do that he actually needed to decide on a new ending.

For twenty minutes he paced, thought, and paced some more. He stopped a few times to jot down notes then sometimes cross them out and write others. When he felt more like he was spinning his wheels than anything else, he decided to take an actual break and make himself some more coffee. As it brewed, he rifled through the pantry looking for something interesting to snack on. He ended up pulling out a packet of mixed nuts and dumping them into his mouth as the coffee finished up.

Just as he was pouring his beverage, he heard his cell phone ringing. Unfortunately, he’d left it in his office, so he hurriedly finished filling his cup and then power-walked back towards his desk. He snagged the phone up just before it went to voicemail and was shocked to see Jim Beckett’s name displayed.

With his thumb poised above the answer call button, Castle hesitated for half a second. If Jim was calling him, the subject of their discussion would undoubtedly be about Kate—a topic Castle wasn’t too fond of at that particular moment.

Two days earlier, Castle had visited Kate in the hospital for the first time while she was conscious. Because he wasn’t family and her boyfriend, Dr. Josh, was being quite an effective gatekeeper, he had not been allowed to see her since she was wheeled away from him on a gurney as Lanie did chest compressions to keep her alive. At that time, he genuinely did not know if he would be able to see her smile once again, but thankfully it was his first sight upon seeing her in the ICU.

He’d imagined that moment so many times in his mind on the way to the Bronx where she was hospitalized. He thought maybe they’d talk about what happened—what he said before she’d passed out. Maybe they’d talk about the future together, maybe they’d talk about exploring what upgrading their relationship from platonic to romantic could mean. He also tried to ground his expectations. Barely twenty-four hours had passed since she’d been shot and if she was tired or groggy from medication he would understand. Maybe she wouldn’t be clear-headed enough to discuss future plans in detail and, while that would disappoint him, he would accept that as being fair. Maybe in that case he’d just get to sit by her bed and hold her hand; he would have been more than happy with that.

Then, he’d walked in her room and found Josh, which had been a blow. He’d somehow convinced himself that confessing his love for Kate would lead to her immediately breaking up with her beau, but evidently that was not the case. As their conversation continued, he realized the reason why: Kate didn’t actually remember his confession; she didn’t remember the shooting at all.

Such information was mildly devastation, but Castle immediately tried to remind himself that it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Traumatic incidents such as being shot in the chest did often coincide with amnesia; that was simply the body’s way of coping with trauma. Nothing he or Kate did could have prevented that. It was possible she could remember what happened with time, but it was selfish of him to wish for her to remember the moment a bullet entered her chest just so she could also remember he loved her. The last thing he wanted was her to be hurt, so he would have to simply find another time to tell her how he felt. Before he could even entertain that though, though, she dealt him another blow.

_“…we’ll talk tomorrow.”_

_“Do you mind if we don’t?”_

She’d asked for a little bit of time to process everything that happened. In of itself that was not an unreasonable request, but it was the way she said it—so firm. So final.

The flames of anger were stoked to life inside him every time he thought about that moment. They were _partners_. They had both been in that hangar together. They had been in that graveyard together. Yes, rationally, he understood that Kate’s connection was a bit more personal since her mother’s murder was involved, but did she really not think it was personal for him as well? Montgomery was someone he had trusted just as much as the rest of them. And Beckett? Well, she was practically family.

If she wanted space, he’d be happy to give it to her. Well, okay, he’d complain about it a little bit, but he’d give it to her. But being shut out? How was he supposed to process that? Together—they needed to do this together. That was, after all, how they did their best work and how they had done it for many years. They were partners and a real partner just didn’t cast the other aside with so little care. Then again, maybe she didn’t think they were partners anymore. She’d said as much once, but…

Shaking his head, Castle knew that he would regret not getting an update on Kate’s condition especially if, god forbid, something terrible had happened, so he tapped the answer call button.

“Hello?”

“Rick? It’s Jim Beckett.”

Castle flattened his lips together when he heard the stressed tone of the elder man’s voice. He’d only spoken to the man a handful of times, but the tone of worry was plain. They’d actually never spoken on the phone before, but Castle had been given his number by Lanie the day of Kate’s shooting when she’d become exhausted with him texting her for updates.

“Jim, how are you?”

“Oh…worried, to be honest.”

Castle’s heartrate kicked up a few notches. “Is everything okay with Kate or…?”

Jim cleared his throat. “Well, actually, she did have a small set back. Her heartbeat has been a bit erratic, sometimes slow, sometimes far too fast. The doctors are trying some different medications to get it to beat regularly again.”

Castle nodded and made a mental note to do some of his own research on the subject—for something he might use in a future book, of course. “Well, I'm glad she's getting excellent care.”

“Yes, me too. The, um, the reason I’m calling actually… Ha-have you by chance been paying attention to the news? Specifically, the new flu virus?”

The writer hesitated for a moment as he thought back. The prior week had been so consumed with Lockwood and all associated drama that his brain had not been filled with much else, but he did recall his daughter mentioning something. “The one that’s in California?”

“Well, that's the thing: this hospital has ten suspected cases of that strain. Several other hospitals in the city, too. I overheard some nurses talking about it and they think it’ll get bad.”

Castle’s brow wrinkled at that confusing information. “Really? In May?” While the flu was always bad in the winter months, generally by early April the numbers began to significantly taper and by June one would hardly ever hear of a case. It seemed incredibly unlikely that a flu strain would be worrisome in mid-May.

“Apparently it's highly contagious and wreaks havoc on the whole body. If someone as fragile as Kate were to get it…”

Oh, Castle realized, so that’s what the problem was. Jim was a father concerned about his daughter, who was in a delicate state. That was admirable, of course, so Castle decided to assuage his concerns. “I understand what you’re saying, Jim, but I'm sure the hospital has plenty of safety protocols.”

“Yes…but I was just wondering: Katie always tells me you seem to know everyone in every part of the city, and I wondered if you had any connections to get a better outlook on this thing?”

Castle hummed, thinking for a moment. “Well maybe. Let me see what I can dig up and I'll get back to you, okay?”

“Thank you, Rick,” Jim said, relief evident in his voice. “I really appreciate it.”

He ended the call with well wishes for both father and daughter, then put the phone back on his desk and took a slow sip from the coffee mug he still held in his hand. Castle was ninety-nine percent sure that Jim was just being a concerned father—sentiments he could very much understand. Were Alexis to be injured even in just a minor way, let alone as severe a way as Beckett was, he knew he would have been hovering over her every second making sure nothing derailed her path to wellness. The odds of Kate catching the flu during her brief stay in the ICU seemed quite impossible. While he wasn’t familiar with the totality of her care plan, he assumed that after she left the ICU she’d be moved to a regular hospital room for a few days before she was discharged and would recuperate at home and ultimately attending some sort of cardiac rehab. He supposed it was possible for her to catch an illness at rehab, but by that point her heart would be much stronger and would a little cold even affect her more than being a minor annoyance?

Yet, on the other hand, was that niggling one percent. The fact that Jim even made a phone call to him did indicate a significant level of concern. They were, after all, practical strangers and far from a “asking favors” level of friendship (though he supposed the favor was technically more for Kate than for Jim). Plus, there was that writer’s curiosity inside of him. What was this new flu strain? Was it really more contagious than the ordinary flu? And what did Jim mean when he said it affected the whole body?

Given those questions, Castle felt the least he could do was a little bit more research, and if that research warranted it, put out some feelers for more information. Maybe if he distracted himself with research on a virus his brain would figure out the best way to end _Heat Rises_ and that certainly would be a worthwhile use of his time. Most likely, though, Jim was just a concerned father worried about nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sitting in his office late in the evening, Castle scratched his fingers through the several-day-old stubble on his cheeks and let out a huff of breath. The document he had with the _Heat Rises_ unfinished manuscript was still open before him, but he’d made little progress in the prior two-and-a-half days as the trajectory of his life had once again taken quite a turn.

Two days earlier, after the phone call he received from Jim Beckett, Castle had gone to bed with a bit more paranoia than he’d had that morning. He’d done several hours research on the new flu strain that Jim had mentioned and had learned that it wasn’t a flu at all, but a type of coronavirus, just like the common cold. Unlike a cold, however, this virus did not merely cause a person a few days of misery with perhaps a sore throat and a stuffy nose. Instead, the havoc it could cause in someone’s body was a full-scale assault on multiple organ systems.

An hour into his research, Castle no longer faulted Jim for his concern over his daughter’s well-being. If anything, Jim wasn’t concerned enough if, indeed, some cases had made their way to New York. Given how contagious the new virus seemed to be, it only seemed to make sense that it would jump from the west coast to the east in a very short period of time, especially considering how many people traveled back and forth on any given day.

By that point Castle he had gained enough upsetting information that it seemed prudent to reach out to someone with more expertise to get a real perspective on the situation as opposed to spending more time reading conspiracy theories on the dark web. The problem was: Castle didn’t really have any friends or connections with the CDC or any other government agency he thought would be of assistance. The only person he could think of to contact was more of a jack-of-all-trades, who had worked for or with a variety of alphabet organizations (FBI, NSA, CIA…). He knew the gentleman had moved into private contracting a few years back, but it was possible he still had contacts in the right places, so Castle reached out and left him a voicemail. Then he’d gone to bed convinced his dreams would be unsettling to say the least.

The following morning when he awoke, it felt like he’d slept for several weeks and not merely seven hours, for it seemed as though he’d entered a different world. The top headline of the morning was that all the nursing homes in the city had immediately been locked down: no visitors were allowed in; no residents were allowed to return if they chose to leave. Though nothing else more official had been announced yet, there was also talk of closing public schools and limiting visitation at hospitals.

Over breakfast the Castle trio discussed these new developments with no small amount of shock. As Alexis pointed out: it did feel like they were living in an alternate reality. Not only was the seriousness of the virus practically unheard of, so was the speed at which things seemed to be progressing. In fact, by later that day, even more serious measures were taken to keep the citizens of New York safe from the virus that already had several hundred confirmed cases in the five boroughs.

The next morning brought even more changes, each of which shocked Castle more than the last, but nothing could have prepared him for the phone call he received from the contact he only knew as “Bravo.” The man had finally returned his call and was abrupt and to-the-point per usual.

“Are you still in Manhattan?” the man asked him. When Castle confirmed he continued with, “But you have property elsewhere, right?”

“Yeah, in the Hamptons.”

“Then you should get your family and go there now. Make sure you have at least a months’ supply of everything: food, water, medication.”

Castle balked immediately at the apocalyptic like statement. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously. Best case scenario: you’re over prepared. Worst case: you’re prepared.” With that, the phone line went dead.

Stunned, Castle remained frozen in his seat for several moments unsure of what to do before a panicked concern for his family’s wellbeing overtook him. He grabbed for a sheet of paper and a pen but in his haste knocked the pen across his desk, where it fell off the other side. He then grabbed another out of the drawer and began to make a list of everything they’d need if they were to have a one-month supply of…well, everything. Fortunately, as someone who dabbled in zombie apocalypse preparedness training, he felt reasonably prepared for this task, though it came with challenges. For instance: he very much doubted his mother and daughter would be interested in eating only freeze-dried meals for the duration of that time.

Castle didn’t even realize how long he’d been working until Alexis came into his office and asked if he wanted to have dinner with them. He joined his daughter and mother, bringing his supply list with him, and breaking to them the news that they would be taking a trip out to the Hamptons house a little before the holiday weekend that year. Naturally, Alexis’ immediate concern was for her schoolwork, even though she was already ahead on her work in every subject she was taking. Castle promised her they would work with the school to make sure her final projects could still be submitted and suspected the school might have already been preparing for such a scenario from all students.

Naturally, as the details of his plan unfolded both his mother and Alexis grew worried, but he tried his best to keep a brave face for them. He didn’t want them to worry too much—at least, not until they had to—but at the same time he felt it was his duty to keep all of them safe. Maybe they would be over prepared. Maybe they’d only go out to the Hamptons for a week and then come back to the city, realizing things weren’t as bad as predicted. But maybe they’d be glad they’d left when they did, and, just as Bravo had said, he’d rather be over-prepared than not prepared enough.

Since he was so busy planning and ordering things, the evening got away from Castle and soon it was after eight p.m. and he was back in his office ignoring the Nikki Heat document on his screen. It was only then that he remembered he needed to update Jim Beckett on what he’d learned, so he grabbed his phone and found the man’s number on his contact list.

“Rick? Glad to hear from you.”

“Of course,” Castle replied. “How are you? How’s Kate doing?”

“Better, which means I am too. The meds are helping her heart and they say she’ll probably discharged within a few days, but only if I remain with her; she’s too weak to be on her own.”

For as long as he had known Kate, not once could he ever have described her as “weak.” True, a bullet to the heart changed things, but to hear her father say that she couldn’t be left alone was concerning—and even more of a reason for them to leave the city as well.

“Well, I’m glad to hear the medications are helping. Listen, Jim, I was thinking…you have a cabin outside the city somewhere, right? Could you and Kate go there?”

Jim was silent for several seconds before saying, “I don't think that would work. It only has a shower stall and I don't think she'd be able to stand for the duration of the time it took her to bathe. Plus, that cabin is so isolated. If she had some sort of emergency, the nearest hospital that could handle a heart patient would be… I don't even know how far.”

“Right, right. That won’t work,” Castle said, thinking aloud more than anything else. Getting Kate out of the city only made sense if she was going to a location that was equally safe. While he did feel her doctors would not be discharging her unless she was well on her way to recovery, setbacks were always a possibility and he didn’t want her taking unnecessary risks with her heart condition.

“Rick… here in the hospital we’re hearing about possible lockdowns and—well, I’m wondering if you were able to find anything out?”

“Yes, and unfortunately the news wasn’t great.”

Jim sighed. Then, in a weary voice, he said, “I figured as much.”

Castle felt the back of his neck begin to prickle as a vision entered his mind: pale, weak Kate spending most of her time laying down, barely able to get up to use the bathroom on her own. Her father, a man who was slight at best, would try to help her, but presumably he would struggle. Castle didn’t know his age, but from looking at him guessed he was in his sixties. And what if he fell ill? From what Castle had been reading, those over age sixty had a higher risk of complications. What if Jim needed to be hospitalized? That would leave Kate on her own, possibly doing too much and setting her recovery back. Or, worse, needing to do certain things because no one was available to help her and contracting the virus herself.

“But I suppose that we-“

“Jim,” Castle interrupted the elder man’s thought. “Are you able to write something down?”

“Ahh…yes hold on a moment. Okay, yes—go ahead.” 

Castle rattled off an address that had Jim asking, “What is in Southampton?”

“My house. I think you and Kate should come and stay with us.”

“Oh, Rick, that’s—that’s so kind of you, but I—I’m really not sure we could impose on you that way.”

Not one doubt existed in Castle’s mind as he said, “It’s not an imposition at all and this way you’ll definitely be safe from whatever is going on in Manhattan.”

“I…well, okay then. Hopefully it’ll only be a week or two and then we can come back, but I… Thank you, Rick. Thank you, very much. I know Katie will be very appreciative of this.”

Rick fought the urge to let out a mirthless laugh as he felt Kate would be the exact opposite of appreciative. She had specifically requested to spend time away from him, but of course now there were very unique circumstances. Keeping her safe needed to come above…whatever was going on between them. Besides, the Hamptons house was big enough for them to have their own space. Kind of. All the bedrooms would be full with five of them staying out there, but the weather was nice and they could spend time in the yard or on the deck. It would all be fine, he told himself, for that was the only attitude he could have in order to follow through with the plan. Besides, hearing the gratitude and relief in Jim’s voice told him he was doing the right thing.

“Of course, Jim. It’s getting late, so I’ll let you go now, but why don’t you call me when you know more about Kate’s actual release date from the hospital and we can make some more concrete plans?”

“Yes, I will definitely do that. Thanks again, Rick.”

With the call ended, Castle dropped his phone down onto his desk and scrubbed his hands over his face once more. Now instead of planning supplies for three he had to do so for five, which wasn’t the worst thing. He also needed to tell his mother and daughter about the change. They would be surprised, undoubtedly, but not unhappy—or so he hoped. The situation was going to be odd to say the least, especially since none of them had spent much time with Jim, but it was what it was. They were living in strange times and simply had to do the best they could to meet and overcome challenges as they arose.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

After putting away the last of the groceries that had been delivered that morning, Castle did a thorough check of the kitchen to make sure everything was neat and organized. The cabinets that contained drinking glasses, plates, bowls, and mugs were all labeled with neatly printed black lettering on white backgrounds. The labels had been Alexis’s idea, as a way to make their new guests comfortable. Castle found the idea brilliant—and helpful, since even he occasionally made mistakes when opening cabinets as the layout to the Hamptons house was slightly different than their apartment back in New York.

Once everything was satisfactory, he moved to the breakfast area, adjusted the bowl of fruit in the center of the table, and then moved into the living area, which he’d finished vacuuming just before the groceries had arrived. Seeing that he’d left the vacuum out, he walked over to it, wound up the cord, and then wheeled it back through the kitchen into the laundry room where it was stored.

With this done, he continued to survey the first floor and made small adjustments, including hanging an extra towel on the rack in the downstairs bathroom. One he felt satisfied with the status of the ground level, Castle decided to check the second floor, but before doing so he felt an unexpected wave of exhaustion wash over him and decided that maybe a third cup of coffee would be a good idea that morning.

For Castle, the prior four days had felt like living inside of a tornado. He was busy organizing and getting things ready for them to move out to their home in the Hamptons while staying in touch with Beckett’s father so he was in the loop about what day she could be released from the hospital. Meanwhile, apocalyptic scenarios were being blasted at them from all outlets of media. All theatres on and off Broadway had been shut down, which sent his mother into a tizzy since she had been in the middle of several auditions. Alexis’s school had also gone remote, a process that was, much to his daughter’s frustration, not nearly as smooth as any of them had hoped.

Knowing that some level of lockdown or shelter-in-place order for Manhattan was imminent, Castle had wanted his family to move out to the Hamptons the day prior but ran into a roadblock when they came to the conclusion that not all three of them plus all of their luggage and belongings would fit in their car. This had happened several times previously, usually at the beginning of the summer season when they were traveling with newly acquired beach items (for himself), summer books (for Alexis), and newly acquired summer clothes (for his mother). On those occasions it was usually decided that Martha and Alexis would just take the train, which allowed the entire back seat to be stuffed with bags and suitcases. On that occasion, however, none of them felt comfortable taking public transportation due to the highly contagious virus. Thus, it was decided that Castle would drive out first thing in the morning with a load of items to deliver to the house and then return in the afternoon and make a second trip with his red-headed traveling companions.

His first trip of the day was a bit slow on the way out, taking him nearly two and a half hours, though the return wasn’t so bad since most of the traffic was flowing away from the city. Unfortunately, that afternoon the mayor had announced that travel in the city would be reduced to emergency-only in just thirty-six hours, which meant that by the time Castle was making his second trip across the Williamsburg Bridge the mass exodus had begun and traffic was an absolute nightmare. It was dark by the time they arrived at the house and the writer was utterly exhausted. Despite that, he still knew he needed to get up early to finish cleaning and organizing before the Becketts arrived.

Jim Beckett had called Castle just as he was unpacking the car after his first arrival in the Hamptons. He explained that due to the imminent lock-down order, Kate would be released from the hospital the following morning. Jim expressed concern that she might not have been a hundred precent ready to leave the hospital, but Castle reminded him that the doctors would not actually let her go if they felt she was in danger. Though he tried to maintain this positive attitude, once Jim listed off her medications and the other things he would be bringing for her care Castle did feel a slight amount of concern, but he hoped for the best.

After drinking some of his newly made coffee, Castle headed upstairs where his mother was cleaning the bathrooms (and complaining about it, naturally) and Alexis was putting the linens on the two twin-sized beds in the room that Kate and her father would be sharing. Though his home actually had five bedrooms, the fifth was used mostly for storage and did not have an actual bed inside. Thanks to a sleepover Alexis had a few years earlier, they did have two air mattresses, but he very much doubted either the convalescing Kate or her older father wanted to sleep on one of those. Besides, if Kate did need some continued care, it really made the most sense for them to share a room—at least for the time being.

When he spoke with Jim the day before to confirm the Becketts’ arrival time, they didn’t talk too much about how long the father-and-daughter would be staying with the Castles. Jim said that he was bringing two weeks’ worth of clothes for them and Castle didn’t argue the point, but given what was being said on the news, he very much doubted this whole thing would blow over in two weeks or even in a month; they would just have to wait and see.

Walking into the spare bedroom, Castle caught sight of his daughter putting the last of the pillows in place on the bed by the window and smiled at her. “Looks great, Pumpkin; thanks for doing this.”

“Sure,” she said, though her tone was not at all chipper or even pleasant.

His brow wrinkling, Castle asked, “What’s wrong? You seem…annoyed.”

She huffed and sat down on the end of the bed. “Well, frankly, Dad—I am.”

The creases in his forehead deepening, Castle stepped into the room. “Why? You haven’t complained about chores in years.”

Grumbling, Alexis said, “It’s not about making the bed, Dad; it’s about this whole situation.”

“Oh,” he said, taking a seat on the other bed in the room. When Castle told his mother and daughter about his plan for the Becketts to stay with them in the Hamptons they both had been understandably very surprised. When he’d explained his reasoning, his mother was the first to jump in and be on his side by saying that of course they had to do what they could to keep the vulnerable Kate safe. Alexis agreed, though was noticeably more hesitant. Due to all the rush, Castle hadn’t had the time to pull her aside and talk it through like he’d wanted to, but now it appeared the opportunity was presenting itself.

“I know that it’s going to be a little weird to have them around—especially Kate’s father since we don’t really know him at all, but it’s a big house, and you have your room if you need some alone time. And you can use my office to work on your school stuff—I’ll make sure I’m not in there when you need to be.”

Shaking her head, Alexis said, “It’s not about them staying with us dad—it’s everything that got us here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Dad,” she said, her tone as fragile as he’d ever heard it, “you could have been shot at that funeral, too.”

Immediately, Castle felt like a bag of bricks had hit him in the chest. He was such a fool! Of course, this wasn’t about the Becketts staying with them—not really. This was fallout from all the drama surrounding Kate’s mother’s case and Montgomery’s funeral, which none of them had really had a chance to process since they moved right into Kate being shot and, a few days later, the budding pandemic.

“Oh, Alexis.” He sighed and reached out his hand to place gently on her knee. “I wasn’t in danger.”

“You can’t know that!” she snapped back. As he truly could not, he couldn’t really argue against her accusation. “I just don’t understand, Dad. Why would you put yourself at risk that way?”

“It honestly never crossed my mind that Lockwood would try and pull something at Montgomery’s funeral, let alone in-”

“Not just the funeral, Dad.” She shot back at him. “Look at everything you’ve been through in the past few months: diffusing a bomb, almost freezing to death, being around so many people who are shooting or being shot at. I—I just don’t understand why you’re doing this—why you’re taking so many risks.”

“Alexis, honey, I know you’re worried about me and I appreciate that, but those things you listed weren’t really as dangerous as-”

“Stop. Don’t. Don’t try and tell me diffusing a bomb with your bare hands wasn’t dangerous.”

Her words whipped across his face and caused him to wince. Perhaps he shouldn’t have told his family that story. He was, admittedly, bragging about doing something really cool, and hadn’t really thought of how it would affect them until he saw the look on his mother’s face. He’d tried to cover it up by saying it wasn’t _that_ dangerous, but they’d all know that wasn’t exactly the truth. “Alexis, sometimes dangerous things happen, but that can’t stop us from living our lives. The work that Beckett and I do is-”

“That’s just it, Dad. You’re a writer, not a cop. Or have you forgotten?”

He narrowed his gaze at her, as she was treading into quite dangerous territory. “I know that I’m not a cop, Alexis.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Then why do keep doing this? And don’t say research!” she added quickly, just as he’d begun to open his mouth. “You’ve never researched anything else for even a quarter as long as you’ve been doing this.”

Momentarily annoyed by how whip-smart his daughter was, Castle took a few seconds to collect his thoughts. “While there is still some degree of research to what I do, the fact of the matter is: I like helping with the NYPD’s cases. It makes…well, I guess it makes me feel important—more important than a guy who just writes some books that people read for fun. I know there is an importance to that, but not to the level of working with the NYPD.”

Alexis nodded. “So you want to look important to Beckett?”

“Wha—no. That’s not what I said.”

“But you’re doing this to make her like you, right?”

He huffed out a breath and dropped his chin to his chest. If only life were as simple as an adult as it was as a teenager. Want to impress a girl? Join the football team or the hockey team or maybe the chess team, depending on her interests. While he supposed there could be similar scenarios as an adult that may have proved successful, most of the time it was far more complicated.

Saying that he was working with Kate to try and impress her wasn’t exactly an untrue statement, but it was far too simple for the complexity of their lives. Did his heart flutter with joy every time she heard one of his theories and looked rather amazed? Of course, but that wasn’t the only part of their interaction that he found value in. He found fulfillment more in the day to day: the camaraderie of working with a team of individuals he also called friends, searching for that one piece of evidence or information that would break the case wide open, standing beside Kate as she was able to tell an individual that their loved one’s killer had been brought to justice.

“I wouldn’t describe it like that, no.”

“But you want her to like you.”

“Yes, and she does like me.”

Alexis gave him a pointed look. “You know what I mean. _Like you_ -like you.”

“Alexis-”

“C’mon, Dad. Just be honest with me for once. You’re brining her here to stay with us so she doesn’t get sick and of course I’m not saying I want her to get the virus; I don’t want that, but… there are other places she could have stayed.”

Pressing his lips together tightly, sucking in a deep breath as he weighed how to react to her statement. “I did what I thought was best, Alexis. As you’re well aware: it’s not like there was a whole lot of time to plan, here. Everything is moving very quickly right now and…I don’t know. I honestly didn’t give it much thought. If you really feel uncomfortable with them staying here-”

“I’m not saying that,” she interjected. “I just… I’m worried about you. I always worry about you, Dad. I don’t want you to get hurt—not from a gunshot, and not from someone who might not care about you as much as you care about her.”

Castle felt his face flush as Alexis had nailed his exact fears directly on the head. For quite some time he had feared that Beckett might never feel the same way about him as he did about her. For quite some time he’d subsisted on small moments: the sparkle in her eyes when their fingers brushed during a coffee cup handoff, the way her laugh sparkled extra bright when it was him who amused her as opposed to one of her other colleagues, the way she’d trusted him with her mother’s case. He had faith that one day they would be more, but my god was it hard some days. As such, he couldn’t really strongly argue against what Alexis had said. He opened his mouth, not sure of exactly what he would say, but wanting to attempt some damage control anyway, but he was interrupted by the sound of a slamming car door.

Alexis stood and gazed out the window beside her. “They’re here.”

“Okay,” he said, standing as well. Then, he looked at her and smiled softly. “We can talk more later, okay?”

Alexis gave a combined shrug and nod, and then walked out of the room, giving Castle one more minute to collect himself before going to greet his guests.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

“Jim! Hello!” Castle called out when he stepped out of the front door. He waved to the elder man who was unloading luggage from the trunk of his aged-looking Toyota sedan. As he was barefoot, Rick chose to walk along the grass rather than the cement walkway, so he didn’t accidentally step on any sharp stones. “Can I help you with something?”

“Well, I have quite a few pieces of luggage here. Maybe I overpacked but I just wanted to make sure Katie had everything she might want or need.”

Castle nodded. “Of course. Well, there’s plenty of room in the house. We just finished setting up your bedroom and it has a nice sized closet and a chest of drawers so you can put away anything you need to.”

Jim nodded appreciatively then gestured at the expansive home before him. “This is a little bit more than I expected. It’s beautiful, but…large.”

The writer couldn’t help but laugh at his stunned tone. “It’s comfortable, that’s for sure. Can I grab some of these suitcases, or…?”

Jim gestured towards the passenger side of the car. “Actually, if you wouldn’t mind, could you help me get Katie inside? She’s a lot for me to lift; I’m afraid my back isn’t what it used to be.”

Castle nodded. “Of course. Is—is she doing okay?”

The weary expression on Jim’s face seemed more telling than his words. “Yes, I suppose. She fell asleep on the drive out here. Poor thing can hardly keep her eyes open with all the medications she’s on. Plus, she said she didn’t sleep well enough last night—anxious to leave the hospital, you know?”

“Naturally.” Castle opened the passenger door and ducked his head to see inside and almost gasped when his gaze landed on Kate. A week had passed since he’d seen her last and the difference in her appearance was downright terrifying. Though she had always been thin, by that point she was bordering on gaunt with her sunken cheeks and the hollows around her collar bone visible thanks to the scoop-neck t-shirt she wore. The dark circles around her eyes were so severe they almost looked like bruises. On her hands and forearms, there were actual bruises thanks presumably to the IVs and blood draws she needed. If Castle had been forced to pick one word to describe her, the one her father had used during an earlier conversation seemed most accurate: frail.

“Ah okay, well, let’s just…” He talked to himself as he popped her seatbelt latch and let the belt slide slowly back into position. He moved her arm so it was outside of the belt and then placed both hands in her lap so it would be easier for him to lift her. He pushed the car door open as far as it would go before crouching down and sliding one arm beneath her thighs while the other cradled her low back. Lifting her from that crouched position was awkward at best, but he managed it.

“Ah, okay, um…you’ll get the front door?” he asked Jim.

The older man nodded and scurried his way up the front path. Castle took a few steps, instantly cursing his decision not to wear shoes. He gritted his teeth and adjusted his group on Kate’s body, which inadvertently stirred her briefly into consciousness. She lifted her head from where it had slumped against his shoulder and heard her mumble, “Cas’l? ‘m dreamin’ ‘bout Cas’l.”

“Not dreaming, Kate,” he muttered before bracing his core so he could walk up the two steps into the foyer of the home. There, they were greeted with the red-headed welcome party, both of whom seemed quite concerned.

“My god—is she alright?” Martha asked.

“Yes, just very weary these days. The medications make her sleepy,” Jim explained.

His biceps and shoulders now feeling the strain of Kate’s weight, Castle opted to continue up the stairs instead of engaging in conversation. By the time he reached the top landing, his heart was hammering in his chest. My god—was he really that out of shape? Then again, he didn’t typically carry over a hundred pounds of weight up the stairs.

He tightened his grip on Kate once more as he made his way down the hall, but that time she didn’t stir. In the bedroom, he realized he could not put her down on the closest bed because the space between the bed and the wall was too tight and if he tried to put her down from the other side of the bed, she would have been laying the incorrect way, so he put her on the bed by the window and hoped neither she nor Jim would mind.

When his arms slid out from underneath her, she grumbled slightly, but didn’t say anything he understood, so he merely moved to slip off the sneakers she wore and placed them gently on the ground. A moment later Jim entered the room carrying one of the pieces of luggage from the driveway. “Oh wow, this is perfect—beautiful.”

Castle wished he could take credit for the décor, but he could not. Nearly every room in the house had been expertly done by a talented, though expensive, interior decorator. Though he’d never used one before, he’d hired her very shortly after purchasing the home as he had neither the time nor talent to decorate it himself and allowing his mother to do so would have resulted in each room’s theme being a variation of leopard print.

That guest room in particular was filled with shades of white and cream and accented by blue and purple starfish paintings on one side and a large painting of multicolored sea turtles on the other. More pops of color came from the window curtains, which were a shade of teal, and the rug, which had a navy-blue background with various sea creatures printed on it in shades of cream.

“So, um, let me give you a quick tour. Two beds, obviously, and storage there in the closet and in the chest. We only have one set of linens right now, but another is on order. You may have seen the bathroom as you came down the hall. Between it and this room there is a closet that has more spare towels if you need them. Do you want to grab the rest of the luggage and then get a tour of the downstairs or…?” Castle’s voice drifted off and he glanced towards the bed where Kate slept in the admittedly awkward position in which he put her down.

“Ah, yes, yes let’s get the rest of the luggage and then we’ll see. Sorry, I—I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed. And I…I’m worried about Katie.”

With a reassuring smile, Castle walked over and gave the elder man’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’m sure this is all overwhelming, so you can take your time. You don’t have to get a tour now—you can just go out and sit on the beach if you like. As for Kate…she’s one of the strongest people I know. She will bounce back from this; we just need to give her some time.”

Jim gave him an appreciative nod, then the two of them walked back out into the hall together.

* * *

Kate Beckett awoke with a small gasp. She opened her eyes and blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the light. The room was so white for a moment she feared she was back in the hospital, but then she realized this room wasn’t a hospital. The subtle beep from monitoring machines was gone, as was the acrid smell of disinfectant. No, no this was a bedroom in a home with a pillowy mattress and soft linens, just not one she recognized.

“Dad?” she rasped out, her throat feeling like it had been scraped with sandpaper. Though nearly a week had passed since she’d needed a breathing tube, she still felt the effects nearly every time she swallowed.

“Oh, hey. You’re awake.”

Kate turned her head towards the man who walked into her room and did a double take. He carried a tray filled with items and had a face that was definitely not her father’s. “C-Castle? I, um…” She gazed down at herself then back up at him. “Am I dreaming again?”

He shook his head and carried the tray over to place on the nightstand beside her bed. He tried to put it down, but it wouldn’t fit, so he put it on the other bed instead. “No, not dreaming, Kate.”

A shiver traveled down her spine when she realized she’d heard those words before in her dream. But had that actually been reality too? She used her palms flat against the mattress to push herself up into a sitting position, but instantly felt pain rip through her chest and cried out.

“Woah, hey—take it easy. Do you want help? Or pillows to lean back on?” he offered, quickly coming to her aid, but she brushed him away, and breathed through the latest wave of pain until it began to dissipate.

“Where…where am I?” she asked through gritted teeth while trying to remember to focus on the breath in through her nose and out through her mouth and not on the burn beneath her ribs on the left side.

“You’re at my house in the Hamptons.”

Her eyes flared wide as she gazed up at him. “What? Why? How?”

“Take it easy, Kate. Here, do you want to take your meds first? Your dad said you should have them around four and its quarter after.”

He held out a small dish with two round and one oblong pill and a tall glass of water. She took the water and then the pills one by one, grimacing as they scraped past her already raw throat.

Almost as though he’d read her thoughts, when Castle took the dish and glass back, he handed over a mug covered in pictures of seashells in various styles. “Your dad said herbal tea was okay, so that’s what this is. I put a little honey in it, too; hope that’s okay.”

She took the mug but continued to stare up at him dumbly. “M-my dad?”

Castle nodded and folded his hands together. “Yes, I sent him out to the beach to take a walk, or maybe just sit. He looks kind of beat, to be honest.”

“Oh.” She blinked a few more times. Her brain was having trouble keeping up with what was going on. She was in Castle’s beach house. Her father was also there. Castle had brought her medication and tea. Those facts individually made sense, but when put together the scenario still felt baffling. “I just…I don’t understand why I’m here.”

Castle sat tentatively on the bed beside hers and rested his forearms on his thighs. “Your dad said he explained it to you, but that you’ve been a little foggy lately. Do you remember him telling you about what’s going on in the city? How it’s not safe?”

She stared at him for ten seconds then groaned. “Oh god, I am still dreaming, aren’t I?”

His lips twisted into a wry smile. “No, unfortunately, you aren’t; none of us are.” He leaned his bodyweight to one side and reached back to pull his cell phone from his pocket. His thumbs tapped across the screen for a moment and then he turned the phone to face her. There, she could see the emboldened word _pandemic_ and once again felt sure she must be in some sort of dream state.

“I don’t understand.”

“Basically, it’s a really, really bad flu that’s extremely contagious and dangerous to anyone older or who…who might be medically vulnerable,” he said, gesturing towards her. “It’s spreading like wildfire across the country. New York is shutting down at midnight tonight and we were worried-”

“We?” she asked, her mind still trying to process what New York shutting down might possibly mean.

“Yeah. Your dad and I.”

“Why you?”

He frowned. “You could at last try to hide your disgust a little bit, Kate.”

“Wha—no. No,” she said quickly. “I’m not disgusted I’m confused.”

He nodded. “Well, it’s a very unusual situation, I’ll give you that. Anyway, um, how about something to eat? That might help you feel better. Your dad said your appetite has been spotty lately, but is there anything in particular you’d like? Maybe some scrambled eggs? Or fresh fruit? Or-”

“Eggs.” Kate gently placed a hand over her stomach and sensed the hollowness inside. Thought it was difficult to remember, she thought she ate something at the hospital before she left. Oatmeal, possibly. Whatever it was, she recalled it being very unappetizing. “And a slice of toast, please.”

Immediately, Castle cringed. “Sorry—there wasn’t any bread left at the store.”

Her brow rose. “No bread left?” she asked, never hearing such a thing. Sure, sometimes a store would run out of a type of bread, like hot dog buns just before the Fourth of July, but not having _any_ bread? What was going on?

“Yeah, there’s a shortage on grocery store staples like that since everyone’s been told to shelter in place for an unknown period of time.”

Kate blinked at him. “Are you sure I’m not dreaming?”

A laugh bubbled from his chest. “You’re not. We were able to order some yeast and flour, so hopefully we’ll get both of those and then Alexis wants to try and bake bread.”

“Alexis is here?” she asked with surprise.

“And Mother.”

“Full house.”

He nodded. “Yeah, but don’t worry—there’s plenty of room. I’ll give you a tour when you’re feeling up to it, but for now let me just go make those eggs and I think we have some crackers—I’ll bring you some of those as well.”

“I…okay,” she said, a bit too dumbfounded to say much of anything else.

With a smile, he picked up the tray and promised to be back in a few minutes before disappearing out of the bedroom door. After he’d gone, Kate remained rather frozen in position on the bed as she tried to figure out what the hell was going on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The following morning, Kate awoke feeling reasonably rested for the first time in a week. Now that she was out of the hospital, she wasn’t continually being woken in the night by nurses checking her vitals or by hum of voices in the hallway. Nor had she been drawn to consciousness by the beeps and whirrs of the machines around her and unable to fall back asleep due to their annoyance. Of course, her sleep had not been perfect. There had been a period of time between one and two a.m. that she struggled to get comfortable due to some pain in her side, but overall she felt much better.

Thanks to the rest, she had a clear enough head to remember that she was waking up in Richard Castle’s residence. Not the penthouse apartment, either. No—the beach estate in Southampton, which she had only seen once before in a photograph, never in person.

Despite the fog of narcotics thinning in her mind, Kate still felt some level of confusion about the whole thing. Just a week earlier, the worst thing in her life was the sudden death—and past betrayals—of her captain Roy Montgomery. Then, she’d been shot and thanks to the haze of her recovery she was now coming to in a world where there was a legitimate global pandemic that was killing hundreds each day. Her life felt more like the plot to a low-budget science fiction movie on cable then reality.

The prior evening, after her father returned from his walk, he had explained to her his concern for her safety after hearing the nurses express how bad they thought things would get with the rapidly spreading virus. He’d spoken to a few of them as well as her cardiologist and all agreed that even a simple cold would have been problematic for her at that point and that a virus like the one spreading could easily put her life in serious jeopardy. Though she heard the stress in her father’s voice and equally etched across his face, Kate still failed to understand how that translated to them going to Castle’s beach house, but before she could pose those questions the fuzziness of the drugs had taken over and she’d spent most of the evening drifting in and out of sleep.

Now that it was morning and she hadn’t taken any medication for over eight hours, Kate’s mind might have been clearer, but unfortunately that also meant the pain in her chest had returned with a vengeance. Thanks to the hole pierced through her sternum, several broken ribs, innumerable sutures in her chest and side, and general bruising, she felt discomfort from her collar bone almost to her belly button. Nearly two weeks had passed since the shooting and the pain had improved during that time. Those first few days she had been in tears while waiting for the next round of morphine to be disbursed and thankfully that pain had gone, but what remained was very, very uncomfortable—especially every time she moved her arms or torso.

The rumble of voices in the hall had Kate’s head turning towards the bedroom door. The bed beside her was empty, which made sense; her father always had been an early riser. The sun was clearly shining bright outside though that late in May that didn’t mean too much since the sun rose by six a.m., though she guessed it was probably after seven.

As the voice drew nearer, Kate felt dread fill her belly at the possibility of seeing Castle entering her room with a tray of food once again. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate his generosity—of course she did. One thing that was undeniable about Rick Castle was his big heart—especially when it came for those he cared for. The problem was: in that moment he was the person she was most trying to distance herself from.

Things between them at that moment were, at best, challenging. Before Montgomery had been killed, they’d had their biggest fight to date. Though in the wake of the captain’s death they had certainly tossed some dirt over the hatchet, she’d still felt some confliction over the accusations he’d thrown at her during their argument. Then, she’d been shot and he…well, the thing of it was: she needed time. And space. She wanted time to process the whirlwind that had been those few days, but she couldn’t with her head so damn foggy. Plus, how was she supposed to think clearly with possibility of Castle appearing in front of her constantly looming overhead? She would be continually worried that he would be too jokey and insist on ignoring what had happened or, perhaps worse, want to bring it up again and discuss it before she’d had a chance to decide how she felt about it. It was all too stressful—stress she didn’t need at that moment, which was why she’d wanted the space.

Thankfully, when the bedroom door opened a moment later, the man carrying the tray was her father. His gaze landed on her face and he immediately smiled. “Oh good; you’re awake.”

“Hi, yeah—ah!” She yelped in pain when she tried to sit up too quickly.

Her father frowned, put the tray down on the end of his bed, and hurried to guide her to a more upright position. “Be careful, Katie; you don’t want to open your wounds.”

“Yeah. I know.” She huffed and grumbled to get herself situated while her father plumped the pillows against her back. Though she couldn’t remember every moment of her days in the hospital, she distinctly remembered the doctors and nurses reminding her at least a dozen times that the last thing she wanted was for her wounds to re-open.

Once she was satisfactorily upright, her father turned and grabbed the small dish with pills inside and the glass of water from the tray. He held both out to her, but Kate scrunched her nose in disgust at the dish. “Can…can I maybe try just one of the pain pills not both? Just to see?”

Her father hesitated, looking down at the dish as well. “Do these make you feel nauseous, too?”

Kate felt her stomach lurch at the memory of the one narcotic that had her nauseous to the point of dry heaving before they switched her to something else. “Not as much. They just make me so fuzzy.”

After hesitating for another minute, her father nodded in agreement. “Okay, let’s just see how the morning goes then we’ll reassess at lunchtime, okay?” After she’d swallowed the two pills, he placed her water glass on the nightstand and handed her the mug of herbal tea instead. “How about some food, hmm?? Rick is downstairs making a full buffet for everyone. He really is quite a character.”

The corners of her lips turned up slightly as she said, “Yeah, they all are.”

Jim chuckled. “Yes, his mother is…colorful.”

A blip of laughter escaped Kate’s lips then she immediately winced and wrapped one arm around her stomach. “Yeah, ah, that’s one word for it.”

“She and I had spoken at the funeral only briefly before-“ He cut his speech off abruptly, shook his head and then said, “Well, anyway, what do you think you’d like to eat? Eggs? Fruit? Or some of the oatmeal I saw Rick sneaking chocolate chips into?”

Kate nodded at his last suggestion. Oatmeal had been her go-to breakfast in the hospital and it sat well in her stomach despite being a little unappetizing. Figuring Castle’s would be significantly better she said, “Yeah, a little oatmeal and…a banana? Are there bananas?” she asked, recalling the writer’s comment about food shortages from the prior day.

“Yes, though they’re not as ripe as I remember you liking them.”

Kate grumbled into her tea mug. “Ugh. You mean when I was a kid and would only eat them when they were yellow-and-brown-spotted mush?”

Jim laughed. “Your mother always found it amusing—we never let over-ripe ones go to waste. I’ll be right back.”

When he’d gone, Kate rested the tea mug against her thigh and shut her eyes as her face contorted in pain. God, even the act of holding the drink was excruciating. She shut her eyes and tilted her head back, trying to breathe through the worst of it.

Kate knew taking half the pain medications would only take the searing ache in her chest to a moderate level instead of a dull one, but she hoped the exchange was worth it for being more with it during the day. It was possible she would regret it and need to take the full afternoon dose of her medication, but she hoped she could grit her teeth and make it through. After all, she was used to doing that.

When her father returned a few minutes later he once again carried a tray. That time it had a cereal bowl half full of oatmeal with swirls of chocolate throughout, a mostly yellow banana that still had a bit of green shading at either end, and a table knife resting on top of a napkin. Gesturing towards the last item, her father said, “Rick told me to bring that in case you wanted to slice the banana over your oats.”

“Oh no I’ll keep them separate, but thanks.” Kate picked up the spoon already resting in the oatmeal, scooped up a very small amount of food and brought it tentatively to her lips in case it was still hot. Finding it only warm she took a bite and almost whimpered with pleasure; it was so much better than the hospital gruel. Suddenly finding herself ravishing, Kate began shoveling the oatmeal into her mouth as fast as the limited range of motion she had with her arms would allow.

Her father chuckled as he sat on the edge of his bed. “Glad to see your appetite is back.”

She gave him a small smile, then sipped some tea. “Ca—Rick said something about grocery shortages?”

Jim nodded. “I haven’t gone shopping myself, but it’s all over the news—shortages on staples like milk, eggs, and flour.”

“So, people are baking a lot of cakes?”

He chuckled, “So it would seem. Suffice to say we’re living in unprecedented times.”

Kate slowly lowered her mug to the tray and asked, “The virus is really that bad then?”

Jim scraped his fingers across his jaw line and said, “It does seem that way, but so much is unknown. A few weeks ago, they were calling it the flu, but now doctors think it might be something else because the usual treatments to improve the flu aren’t helping. They don’t know how to treat it, which is adding to the mortality rate. And I read an article last night that said the worst part is how it seems to damage the heart and lungs in a way that the regular flu doesn’t.” He stared at her very intently as he said further, “That’s why we had to get you out of the hospital as soon as we possibly could—out of the city, too. At the time, the level of seriousness seemed more like speculation, so moving you was more of a ‘better safe than sorry’ decision, but now it appears that it was absolutely the right choice to make.”

Kate nodded, processing his words as she finished up her oatmeal. “What made you think to ask Rick about coming here?”

“I didn’t,” he replied. “As I was listening to the nurses, worrying, and wondering how I could find out more information, I remembered that you always said Rick seemed to know everyone and had a lot of contact, so rather on a whim I called him to see if he had an ear to the ground on this thing—or if he could find out more information. When he called me back to confirm my worst fears he suggested we go to the cabin, but that place is a little too rustic and isolated for you to recover in. When I told him that, he immediately suggested we come here.”

Feeling the flames of stubbornness flickering to life in her belly, she said, “We could have made the cabin work.”

Jim eyed her quite skeptically. “Something tells me that little grocery store off the highway has only a few cans of green beans left right about now. Besides, I don’t think you could have managed that tight shower.”

The flames now roaring to life, she purposely put down her spoon and said, “Sure I could. That’s what I’m going to do after I eat.” She then picked up her banana and began peeling it casually as though she hadn’t been sponged-bathed by nurses for the prior eleven days.

“Katherine,” her father said scoldingly.

“What?”

“You know you cannot stand for a shower.”

“Of course, I can,” she muttered before biting into the banana.

“Okay. show me.” Jim gave her a challenging look while gesturing towards the open space at the foot of their beds.

“I’m not going to show you.”

“Sure, you are. As soon as you’re done eating, you can stand up and show me how you’ll be able to stand for a while shower and then I won’t argue with you about it,” he said simply.

Equal parts annoyed and determined, Kate pulled the peel back up over her remaining half banana and began to lift the tray away from her lap, but her father swopped in and did it for her. With it out of the way, she pulled back the bed covers and placed her feet down on the rug. She pushed herself up into a standing position, though just barely as her right hand remained on the mattress to steady her. God, why did it feel like her leg bones had been replaced with barely-formed Jell-O? They hadn’t been injured! It was her upper body that was a wreck not the lower!

She squeezed her glutes and lower abs as much as she could to fake standing up straight as she turned her head towards her father and announced, “See.”

From the expression on his face, it was clear that her father was not buying into her ruse. “Mmhmm why don’t you try letting go of the bed and pretending to wash.”

“Dad!”

“Katie.”

She huffed with irritation then clenched her lower muscles again so that she could demonstrate for one second the act of scrubbing beneath her armpits, figuring that would be sufficient. Unfortunately, the second she lifted her right arm off the mattress her legs began to wobble, and she didn’t even get the hand above her belly button before she collapsed back against the mattress in a painful splat.

“Easy now,” her father said, gingerly holding her shoulders and guiding her back into place. He handed her back the remainder of the banana and she took it begrudging. With a smile he said, “Why don’t you take a nice bath instead? I bet soaking in it will make you feel much better.”

Kate sighed with resignation; her father had a point. Her muscles, especially in her lower back, did ache from being bed-bound for so long, not to mention how she continually tensed up from the pain in her chest. A warm bath probably would feel good. And she could stay in it longer and wouldn’t have to rush for fear her legs would give up.

“Yeah, I guess. I can also probably wash my hair with—ah!” she yelped when she moved her right hand towards her scalp and felt a pull in the middle of her chest. Per the doctor’s instructions she was not allowed to raise her left hand above her shoulder and her right hand above her head, but she felt that meant she could use her right hand to wash her hair. Unfortunately, her body seemed to have other ideas.

His face crinkling with sadness, Jim said, “I can wash your hair for you Katie.”

Still wincing with pain she gritted out, “I really don’t want that.”

“I know it’s…embarrassing for you, but-”

“Embarrassing?!” she blurted out in horror. More like utterly mortifying! It was bad enough that he had to assist with changing her clothes, but at least then she could mostly keep herself covered. In the bath that would be much more difficult. “Dad, I-”

“Good morning Becketts! Oh…sorry to interrupt…” Castle hesitated in the doorway presumably once he saw the faces of the father-daughter duo in the midst of their disagreement.

Kate grunted out, “It’s fine Rick,” while dropping her now-empty banana peel back onto the tray and wiping the sticky residue off her fingers with the napkin.

Castle’s gaze followed her hand and then he smiled. “Oh good, you ate everything.”

She nodded. “Yes…yes it was very good, thank you.”

“Of course. Let me grab that tray for you…great.” Castle said once he had scooped up the tray with all the empty cups and bowls. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation, I just wanted to check in and see if you had plans for today or needed anything.”

“We were just discussing the logistics of Katie getting herself cleaned up,” Jim told him.

“Oh right; of course. Well, the bathroom’s down the hall—your father can show you. Plenty of clean towels in the closet. Do you need soaps or--?”

“No, I grabbed her toiletries but she…she can’t lift her arms up.”

“I’m fine. It’s fine,” Kate said quickly in an attempt to stop the discussion, but it didn’t work.

Castle frowned as he looked at her. “Oh, I don’t imagine you’re supposed to—stitches, right?”

“I can manage.”

“We don’t want you hurting yourself—I bet Mother would--”

“No!” she practically yelped, thinking that Castle’s mother seeing her naked might be fractionally worse than her own father though, really, it was a tossup. Feeling tears of frustration begin to sting her eyes she managed, “Please. I don’t—I don’t need your whole family seeing me like this.”

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed of Katie,” her father said simply.

Thankfully, Castle’s comment was more helpful. “If you’re in the bathtub, you can drape a towel over yourself while she washes your hair.”

Kate stubbornly tried to lift up her right hand again, but immediately felt a pull through the center of her chest and dropped it down onto the mattress. She really had no choice if she wanted clean hair and at least Castle’s towel suggestion would be…tolerable. Frustrated and disappointed with herself, Kate merely nodded with agreement.

“Great; I’ll go let Mother know,” Castle said pleasantly.

As his footsteps echoed down the hall, her father gave her shoulder a gently but reassuring squeeze and said, “I’ll go make sure the bathroom is set up and then I’ll come get you, okay?”

“Okay,” she mumbled with agreement, her chin sinking towards her chest. Though she had barely been awake half an hour, she already felt exhausted.

* * *

Forty minutes later Kate was submerged in warm bathwater. Her eyes were shut and her head leaning back against the wall of the tub-shower. She had to admit that the bath did feel quite relaxing—and that a shower would have been a terrible idea, for she would have never been able to move around the way she needed to in order to wash herself. In the tub she could more or less reach all the important parts, even if washing was a very, very slow and delicate process.

Sitting there, her thoughts drifted back to the two sponge baths she received in the hospital which had been mortifying. Both nurses had been incredibly kind and sweet and genuinely tried to distract her, which had been difficult due to her extreme levels of pain. Still, she hadn’t had someone washing every inch of her for nearly thirty years of her life and it wasn’t something she had ever planned on revisiting.

Thinking back, she realized that shortly after her second sponge bath had been her last conversation with Josh. When he popped in to visit, she didn’t know it would be her last time, but as he started to make some excuse about possibly not being able to visit her too often and in that moment, she realized she didn’t care. Though it was faint she could hear a voice in her head reminding her that she had taken a bullet to the chest and almost died and that meant she had to stop hiding in relationships that weren’t really what she wanted to avoid feeling something real—or she’d risk going her whole life without experiencing true love, and that wasn’t what she wanted.

When Josh gave her the chance to speak, she softly told him that she thought it was best that they end things. His expression had immediately hardened, and he asked if her decision was because of Castle. She had truthfully told him, “No; it’s because of me.” He was obviously singed and tersely wished her well on her recovery before leaving without looking back.

Reflecting on it then, Kate felt the slightest bit sad that their breakup probably came off more dismissive than she’d wanted. They’d been together nearly nine months and Josh deserved better; they both did. If she hadn’t been shot…well, if she hadn’t been shot, they probably would have been together longer as she lived in denial, so in a sad way this was better. It was the first step she needed to take to move on. Unfortunately, the next seven to ten steps seemed much, much harder.

A knock at the bathroom door pulled Kate from her thoughts.

“Kate? Are you ready for me?”

“Um, one second.” Kate slid her right arm over the edge of the tub and grabbed the bath towel sitting on the step out mat. She pulled it up into the tub and draped it across her so it covered the area from her shoulders to her mid-thigh. The soft pink color towel deepened in color as it took on the bath water. She cringed slightly, as it was going to be a bit of a mess to clean up, but as the other alternative was being fully nude in front of Castle’s mother, it was the better option. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Martha pushed open the door and walked into the bathroom wearing lime green capri pants and a short-sleeved blouse that strongly resembled a Jackson Pollock. She smiled down at Kate with her soft blue eyes and sighed. “My darling girl—how are you feeling?”

Kate managed a feeble smile. “I’ve been better.” Though the towel covered the yellow-green bruising that remained on her chest and side, she had caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror and knew the deep circles beneath her eyes and the general paleness of her face meant she had seen better days for sure.

“I’m sure you have, but I am glad you are doing as well as you are. Now, don’t worry, dear—I won’t doddle.” She bent over and assessed the bottles lining the edge of the tub. “Let’s see here we have shampoo, conditioner and…” She turned around, pulled open the cabinets of the bathroom vanity, and retrieved a glass with a seahorse etched onto it. “Ah, yes I think this will do nicely to help us rinse.”

“Sorry that Rick volunteered you for this.”

Martha waved her hand dismissively as she knelt down in front of the tub. “Stop that right now—I don’t mind helping one bit. I have had plenty of experience washing Alexis’s hair in the bath over the years so don’t you even think twice about it. Now why don’t you just scoot down a little bit and-”

“I can’t,” Kate interjected. She pointed to her left side with her right hand. “I can’t submerge the incision on my side here; this is about as low as I can get.”

“Oh. Well, that’s fine; that’s what the cup is for. I’ll apologize in advance for splashing some into your eyes.”

“It’s fine,” Kate sighed and shut her eyes as a precaution.

Martha dipped the cup into the water to fill it and then gently began to soak Kate’s hair. “When do you have to go back to get the stitches out?”

“I don’t—the ones left will dissolve.” She didn’t bother telling Martha that her side had actually been closed with stitches and medical staples. The staples had been removed during an unpleasant process just a few hours before she’d left the hospital. The nurse informed her it was actually a day or so early, but due to the extenuating circumstances of the virus, they were sending as many patients home as possible. The wound was healing well, she was just advised to be extra careful for the first few days.

“Well, that’s good. Do you have to go back for more appointments any time soon?”

“I…I don’t know yet. My father has all the information. He…he did mention that a lot of things are up in the air because of the virus.” As far as she was aware, her next appointment was to check in with the cardiologist three weeks after she was released from the hospital, but she wasn’t sure how that would be accomplished—if she would be traveling back to Manhattan or to one of the doctor’s satellite offices, or if it would be, as her father suggested, some sort of tele-appointment.

Martha began to scrub shampoo through her hair which Kate had to admit felt incredible. “Yes, this virus is such a terrible business. They shut down all of Broadway, did Richard tell you?”

Kate’s eyes popped open and she looked up at the elder woman. “No, no one said. That’s so sad. Were you in a show?”

“I had a few things in the works, nothing official. They say it’ll be a few weeks, but hopefully everything is up and running by the middle of June or heaven forbid July 4th. Don’t want to miss all those summer tourists.”

When Martha picked up the cup to rinse the soap out of her hair, Kate shut her eyes and sighed, “No, of course not.”

For the next few minutes, Martha finished up her hair in silence and then rocked back to sit on her heels while she cleaned up the soap bottles. “I think you’re all set here, kiddo. Do you need anything else from me?”

Kate gazed up at her and held a firm grip on the towel still draped over her body. “Um no, no I think…I think I’m okay. Thank you, though - I really appreciate your help.”

“Anytime darling.” Martha smiled at her for a few seconds before adding, “We’re glad you’re here you know?”

Kate gave an appreciative nod as Martha left, but as she began to peel the wet towel away from her body, she wondered if maybe she was glad to be there too.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

When Kate awoke the next morning, she felt measurably better. Not only had she had her second night in a row of good sleep, but her hair was clean, and she overall felt much lighter. Of course, a full day of only a half dose of pain medication probably helped that. The clouds across her brain had definitely begun to lift. The unfortunate side effect of that was that her left side was rather excruciating. She imagined all the work it had taken her to get in and out of the bathtub contributed to that, but she decided it was better to grit her teeth through some pain as a trade of for feeling much more conscious.

The prior day, after the exertion of her bath and subsequent process of talking her father through blow drying her hair Kate had begrudgingly admitted to needing a nap. When she awoke around lunch, it was Alexis who brought her soup, crackers, and an apple on a tray. She’d also brought a bowl of stir fry for herself so they could eat together. Kate felt her mouth watering from smelling Alexis’s food, which seemed much more appetizing than her slightly boring chicken and rice soup but given the difficulty with nausea she’d been having she knew it was best for the time being to stick with food items that were on the bland side.

During Alexis’s twenty-minute visit they didn’t talk about anything too serious. Alexis asked how she was doing and if there was anything she could do, like braid her hair, which Kate declined, though she appreciated the offer. Then Alexis began to talk about the beach house, telling her about all its features including a large deck with a fire pit, a pool, and a home gym area that didn’t get too much use. She also asked Kate if there was any food or drink that she preferred that they could try and order for her. She listed off a few things, but Alexis said her father already had those on the list, they just hadn’t been available yet.

The remainder of the prior day was mostly filled with napping and reading, but now that Kate felt well rested, she was determined to stop being the weird invalid sequestered in a spare bedroom. Plus, she was more than a little curious to see the parts of the house that Alexis had only described to her.

Once again, the other bed in the room was empty, but Kate was grateful for this, because she had a feeling her father would try and talk her out of going downstairs too soon. Ideally, she would have liked to change her clothing, but unfortunately due to the restrictions in movement of her arms, she was not able to change her shirts by herself. Nor could she wear a bra yet due to where the incision was below her armpit. All she could do was pull on a loose cardigan—very, very slowly. She was, however, able to change out of the linen shorts she slept in and into some loose black yoga pants—again, using a very slow and delicate processed. Wincing as she rolled the waistband into the proper position, she wondered how long it would take her to be able to shimmy into her skinny jeans. From the way it felt at that moment, it would be months.

Now as ready as she was going to be, Kate pushed herself up off the bed and shuffle-walked her way towards the hall. She encountered her first problem when she naturally when to reach for the door handle with her left hand, but then felt a tug in the incision below her arm. Cursing under her breath she turned her body and opened the door very slowly using her right side.

In the hall, she shuffled past the bathroom and towards the stairs. She paused briefly to look at some of the items hung on the wall, which appeared to be old playbills and articles about Martha’s career experiences. At the top of the stairs, she could see a set of double doors that were closed and assumed these led to owner’s suite, or Castle’s bedroom. She stared at them for several moments, curious as to what the interior looked like and wondering if she might get a chance to see inside, even if it was just during the “tour” he promised to give her.

Standing at the top of the stairs Kate realized her next problem: the stair banister would be on her left side as she descended the stairs. She had hoped to hold on to it to steady herself but doing so with her left hand would have been ill advised. She considered this problem for a moment, but then decided that she could go down the stairs sideways and face the banister. That way she could have her right hand on it and feel like she was anchored in some way.

Kate tentatively took one step down the stairs and found it wasn’t so bad, but by step five her thigh muscles were beginning to tremble slightly. She grumbled in realizing just how steep that staircase was. It was curved slightly as it led down into the foyer. Did that make it longer? She thought so—and longer wasn’t what she wanted in that moment. Knowing she had to keep moving, Kate tried to find a rhythm, but it was difficult, which did not bode well for her return trip because everyone knew going down stairs was easier than going up.

Three steps from the bottom, Kate was feeling confident in her ability to finish the decent and momentarily let her guard down. In doing so, her sock-covered foot slipped on the stair tread, but her loosened grip wasn’t prepared to catch herself. Instead, she instinctually gripped with both hands to stop her fall, which led to a searing pain in her side. She cried out and instantly shut her eyes, fearful she would tumble to the ground, but a moment later she felt strong arms envelop her.

“Easy, Kate; I got you.”

When he gathered her up, her right shoulder pressed into his chest and the familiar timbre of Castle’s voice allowed her to release her death grip on the banister as he gently lifted her from the third stair to the floor of the foyer. She hadn’t even known where he came from—she hadn’t seen him in the foyer. Then again, she hadn’t been paying attention to anything other than her path.

“You should have called for one of us to help you,” he pointed out.

“I can go down stairs, Castle.”

He said nothing else and turned to walk through the hall into the back side of the house, disappearing almost as quickly as he’d appeared. She knew the tone she used with him had been too sharp, but it was less a product of her feelings towards him and more a natural response due to the pain surging through her rib cage.

Now moving even more slowly as she banded her arms around her stomach and tried to breathe through the pain, Kate shuffled her way along the path Castle took, walking down the hall that traversed the path from the foyer to the back of the house. She soon found her breath taken away by a completely new reason, for the house was nothing short of gorgeous. To her right sat a spacious sitting area with white couches, sea green rugs, and overstuff chairs that just begged for her to curl up and read a book in. Straight ahead was a dining area and to the left a kitchen where, from the corner of her eye, she could see a collection of people hovered together, but the thing that really took her breath away was the panoramic view of the beach through the windows that spanned the back of the house. Castle really had not understood how spectacular the view was.

Before she could enjoy it any further, Kate was distracted by her father cupping her elbow and asking, “What are you doing? I would have helped you downstairs.”

“I-I’m fine,” she insisted despite the pain radiating up her left side. Turning towards the kitchen she managed, “Good morning, everyone.”

“Morning Kate,” Alexis said cheerfully before Martha asked, “How are you feeling? Would you like some tea?”

“Oh, um, I’m a little sore—and yeah, tea would be great thank you.”

With his hand still on her elbow, Kate’s father guided her to the dining table and pulled out the nearest chair for her to sit down in. “I’ll get your meds,” he said, but before he could walk away, she reminded, “Just the one pain pill.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, giving her a concerned look.

Given that she was nearly up to her peak pain level, no, she really was not, but as she was determined not to sleep the day away in a fuzzy haze, she said, “I’m sure.”

When he returned with the pills he reminded, “We’re starting to taper off the heart medication today, too, which means-”

“I know, check my pulse and blood pressure frequently.” After swallowing the pills, she glanced up to Martha, who delivered her steeping tea, with a small smile. “I’m a bit of a mess, still.”

“Nonsense—you’re healing.”

“Thank you,” Kate said genuinely. While she cradled her tea, her father sat down beside her, Martha sat down across from him and Alexis hovered behind her grandmother. Not wanting the silence to linger, Kate said, “So…why don’t you all tell me what’s going on around here. I feel so out of the loop. What’s the latest?”

“Well…my school is still trying to figure out how to do all this remote learning stuff. I know it isn’t easy, but it’s been…frustrating,” Alexis sighed.

“Your school is remote? Like, online?” Kate asked.

“Yeah, pretty much all schools are.”

“Even the public ones?”

“Yes, though they’ve had a bit of a harder time adapting, as you can imagine,” her father added.

Kate nodded. Given how stretched for resources some of the public schools were in the best of times she could hardly imagine what they were going through at that moment. “What else is closed? I know Martha mentioned Broadway to me yesterday…”

Alexis let out a mirthless laugh. “Everything is closed.”

Kate looked around at the group with confusion and her father confirmed with a nod. “Yes, more or less. Only grocery stores and medical offices are open. Restaurants, movie theaters, gyms…everything else is closed.”

“Oh my god,” Kate said, feeling utterly stunned. “The virus is really that bad, then?” Not that she hadn’t believed her father when he had told her how concerned he was but hearing that more or less all businesses had ceased operation because of it certainly added to the level of severity in her mind.

Her father nodded grimly. “It’s really deadly for anyone vulnerable. It got into a few of the nursing homes in the city and it’s decimating their population—twenty-five, thirty percent are dying.”

“Oh, that’s horrible.”

“And that is exactly why we’re all here—isolating,” Martha pointed out.

“Alexis? Can you help me with something please?”

“Sure Dad.”

Kate turned her head to the side and watched Alexis walk into the kitchen to help her father. From her position she could just barely see Castle in front of what appeared to be a stovetop range. If he was cooking breakfast that explained why he hadn’t joined their conversation, but then why had he been in the foyer and caught her from falling? Considering she had been worried about spending too much time alone with him she wasn’t exactly complaining that he wasn’t participating in the conversation. More, she was curious, but for the moment a loud gurgle in her stomach distracted her.

“Excuse me,” she said with a slight laugh, pressing her right hand down over her belly.

“I’m just glad you’re hungry again, honey,” her father said. “you had me worried there for a while.”

With a reassuring smile she promised, “Don’t worry, Dad; I’m fine.”

~*~

After a post-lunch nap, Kate once again decided to traverse the stairs alone, though that time she was not ashamed to admit she used the sit-and-scoot method to descend the stairs as she didn’t quite trust her still-shaky legs. Really, she should have stayed upstairs, because were it not for her father she would not have made it back up them, but she hated to be so isolated. Even though it made her a little sleepy, being around other people did make her feel like she was on the mend and not still trapped in a convalescing state.

Walking through the hall to the back of the house, Kate was surprised to see the area was empty. Before she laid down her father had told her he would be going for a walk, so she suspected he had not yet returned. She wasn’t sure of the whereabouts of the three Castles, but as she didn’t see any of them in sight, she decided she could no longer hold in her curiosity about what the deck really looked like.

Kate walked carefully through the seating area to the sliding glass door along the back of the house. She peeked out and looked at the dark wood-stained deck and the small patch of grass beyond before the land turned into scruffy greenery that made a small sea wall beyond which lay the smooth sand. She slid the door open carefully and found herself immediately assailed by the smell of the salty air. A smile blossoming onto her face, she stepped carefully out onto the deck and slid the glass door shut behind her.

Ever since her first trip at a young age, Kate had always enjoyed the beach. Thanks to always being busy with work or school or both she hadn’t had as many opportunities to go as she would have liked. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she had been anywhere remotely beachy other than the Coney Island boardwalk, and that hardly counted. She hoped that before they returned to the city she felt well enough to take a stroll down Castle’s beach. Sadly, in that moment she very much doubted she’d make it past the grass before she had to sit down and take a rest.

Kate walked out to the edge of the deck, gazed across the yard, and then began to walk across the wood towards the opposite side of the deck area where she knew the pool was. The sun was in her eyes, but she couldn’t raise her hand up high enough to shield it, so she merely had to blink rapidly and try to squint as much as she could. On her walk she passed a table and chair set, all of which was covered in a vinyl drape presumably to keep it clean while not in use. On the pool-side of the deck sat several chairs that were uncovered and, feeling her legs turning a bit jelly-like, she flopped down in one of them and rested her forearms on her thighs.

Though she knew she was being too hard on herself, Kate could not help but feel very frustrated with her exhaustion. She had been shot in the chest which resulted in her heart stopping. It was restricted only to have it stop again during the surgery. Since then she’d needed several medications to keep it beating regularly. She’d had major surgery. Logically, it made sense that doing some walking after being bedridden for over a week would tire her out, but still she felt frustrated. She just wanted her body to go back to normal. Wasn’t it bad enough her left arm was basically useless? Why did her legs have to feel useless too?

She’d only been sitting around fifteen seconds when movement to her left caught her eye. She turned her head and squinted to see Castle standing up from a lounge chair and gathering up a towel and what looked like a book. She hadn’t even realized he was out on the deck thanks to the sun glare. As he turned towards the house, she caught a look at his face that displayed clear annoyance and she said, “You don’t have to leave on my account.”

He looked at her pointedly. “Just trying to do as you asked.”

“What does that mean?”

He folded up the towel and tucked it and the book under his left arm. “You said you wanted me out of your life.”

“Wh-what?” she stammered. “When did I say that?”

His gaze hardening further he said, “In the hospital.”

Kate lowered her gaze and strained her brain back to the day that Castle visited her in the hospital. She knew he’d been there and that he’d given her flowers, but she genuinely did not recall much else of their conversation. She had been on so many pain killers that everything was fuzzy and barely flashes. She knew that at some point the mentioned calling her and she asked him to give her time, but she certainly had not meant for him to interpret that as wanting him to stay out of her life.

“I’m sorry, it’s a bit foggy, but I believe I told you that I needed some time—that didn’t mean forever.”

“Sounded like forever to me,” he snipped, his tone sounding equal parts childish and bitter.

He moved towards the house again, but she stopped him with, “Rick, wait.” He stopped walking but didn’t look at her. Taking in a deep breath, she tried to explain herself. “I said I needed some time to process things. I don’t think that was an unreasonable request.”

Now turning to face her, he said, “Of course you can process, Kate. I just don’t understand why that seems to mean we can’t speak in the interim. We went through all that stuff together, you know.”

Feeling defensiveness surge through her chest, she said sharply, “It’s my mother’s case, Castle; _my_ mother.”

“Yes, and we’re partners.”

She shook her head. “Not in this.” He just didn’t understand how personal this was for her. Yes, she let him assist with the case in the past. She trusted him with the details and appreciated his help. She would have even went as far as to say that she found working the case with him more satisfying than without, but when it came right down to it: it wasn’t personal for anyone else but her. Montgomery had lied to her for years. He had hidden information from her that would have led directly to the men responsible for her mother’s death for _years_. The Dragon had put the bullet into _her_ chest. Those weren’t thinks that Castle’s jovial attitude could help her process. She needed to do so on her own.

“Maybe we should be,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing. I…” He sighed and then shook his head. “Forget it. I’m not going to fight with you and raise your heart rate.”

“My heart is fine,” she insisted, even though now that she thought about it, she could tell her pulse was elevated. And realized she hadn’t taken it or her blood pressure in a while, even though she’d promised her father she would.

“Just sit out here and relax, okay? Enjoy the sound of the water. I’m getting a drink. Would you like some water?”

“I…Okay.” She agreed a bit dumbly, feeling a bit of whiplash from the way he refused to be in her presence one second then the next offered to bring her a drink. It was…perplexing. And not the first time his attitudes had shifted. Earlier that day he’d helped her down the stairs, but then refused to look at her for the rest of breakfast. Now at least she understood way—at least, in part, but she remained confused.

As she sat and listened to the call of some seagulls flying overhead, Kate realized that she was probably at least partially to blame for Castle’s shifting attitudes. He’d shown up at the hospital with flowers, wanting to check on his friend and partner, and she had inadvertently implied she never wanted to see him again. Yes, she had been in a haze of medications and pain, but that wasn’t an excuse, and since it was not at all her intent, she owed him an apology.

When he returned with a glass of water, she stopped him before he could walk back into the house. “Rick, I—I’m sorry about what I said to you in the hospital. I definitely could have been clearer about what I said—that I didn’t mean forever. It was never my intent to hurt you. This is all just…very overwhelming. Now even more so,” she added, knowing that the global pandemic that had descended around them made the complexity of their situation grow by at least ten-fold.

He gazed down at her for a moment, then smiled ever so slightly. “I understand. Apology accepted. Would you like me to bring one of the umbrellas over here so you have some shade?”

“Oh, um, no… I’ll only sit out here for a few minutes.”

He nodded and then she watched him walk back into the house. She then gently sipped on her water, gazed out towards the sound of crashing waves, and thought once again about how her life had taken the path it had and about the best way to move forward.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

After parking his car in the appropriate space in the King Kullen grocery store parking lot, Castle pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number posted on the sign in front of the parking space so that his groceries could be brought out to his car via the safe, contactless curbside-pickup option. Once the young lady who answered the phone said she would be out shortly with his groceries, he popped the trunk on his Mercedes and then pulled out the small notebook he carried from his pocket to review the notes he’d made earlier that morning.

For the prior nine days, ever since the decision had been made to bring the Becketts out to the Hamptons with them, finishing his novel _Heat Rises_ had fallen by the wayside. This was understandable, of course, given the turmoil and complexity of not only fleeing Manhattan, but finding all the necessary supplies, and making sure the Becketts settled in okay, but he needed to get back into the groove of things. More importantly: if he didn’t finish his book by the end of May “there will be hell to pay—pandemic or not,” or so said the email he’d received from Gina late the night before.

The good news was that Rick had finally decided on the ending he wanted—Rook would be caught in the crosshairs and shot instead of Nikki, his wounds mirroring those Kate had actually received. Though it would be difficult to write, he felt it really was the best way to approach the situation. Plus, he’d already begun to research Kate’s condition, including how long her recovery time might be and what the recovery process was like insofar as rehabilitation timelines—he figured he might as well use that research in a book as well as in real life.

Several days had passed since Kate’s apology and things had improved between them, though only marginally. He appreciated Kate’s apology and felt it was a huge step towards healing their fractured relationship. Hearing that she didn’t want him out of her life forever was comforting and exactly what he wanted to hear yet, her actions still confused him. (Then again, since she’d been baffling him since the first day they began working together, perhaps that fact shouldn’t have surprised him.)

Even though Kate began eating dinner with the four of them and occasionally sitting with them on the deck in the evenings, it was still clear that she was keeping him at an arm’s length and he genuinely didn’t understand why. He, too, was still processing Montgomery’s death and from what little chatting he’d done with Ryan and Esposito, they were as well. He understood Kate’s need to process Montgomery’s involvement in her mother’s murder and all the lies and cover ups that went along with it as he prohibited her from discovering his own involvement, but why did that mean she had to be so cold to him about it? He wasn’t even allowed to broach the subject with her—that she’d told him flat out the one time he’d tried. When she was ready to talk about it, she would let him know she said, but to him that didn’t seem like the kind of friendship they’d had over the prior year. Besides, it wasn’t just the subjects of Montgomery and her mother that were off the table. She seemed to shut him down if he talked to her about anything other than food or the weather. It was quite…maddening. 

Despite the fact that this was yet another way in which she frustrated him, Castle still felt strongly that he needed to help her, which was why he’d begun researching her condition. Though he could tell she was immensely frustrated with her physical limitations, from what he could tell she was doing quite well with recovering, which was probably due mostly to her young age and the fact that she’d been in very good shape before being shot.

Castle’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the passenger side window of his vehicle. Startled, he jumped slightly, but then pulled on the mask he had resting on the car’s dashboard and lowered the window a few inches.

“Can I see your ID, sir?” the female grocery store employee asked him.

Having known this from the last pickup, Castle had his ID already in one of the car’s cup holders, so he pulled it out and held it at arm’s length so the girl could read it. Once she did, she gave him a thumbs up and loaded the four paper grocery bags into his trunk. With the trunk lid shut and the woman wheeling the cart she used back to the store, Castle turned the car on again and slowly backed his vehicle out of the parking spot.

As he pulled onto the main road Castle wondered how much of their order they’d actually received versus what wasn’t in stock. Unfortunately, with that grocery store he was not able to find out ahead of time what items would be missing from his order; it would be a surprise once he began to unpack the goods. Four bags seemed a little light for their order so naturally he wondered what might be missing. He had learned to over order to compensate for the items that might go missing, but it could be challenging at times, especially with five adults to feed. On the bright side, at least they’d finally received the flour and yeast he’d ordered from an online store. Alexis had begun to make bread almost immediately and they’d had it for breakfast that morning. He thought it tasted fine, though she and his mother agreed it wasn’t quite right, so she vowed to try again. He was confident she would eventually figure it out as she did with most things but in the meantime, it was adorable watching how committed to it she was.

His thoughts turning to his daughter, Castle made a mental note to once again check in with Alexis to see that she was doing okay. The day after the Becketts arrival he had pulled her aside to continue the conversation they’d had in the spare bedroom. Alexis did confess that she had been feeling particularly stressed due to all the changes going on, but that she was genuinely worried about him. They talked it out and he explained that while he appreciated her concern, there was no need for her to worry. He was a grown adult and could make his own choices and while he would always try to make the best choices for them as a family, sometimes he would make mistakes. He explained that he truly did not believe that he had made any mistakes when he chose to shadow Beckett and her team, but he would definitely take her concerns into consideration in the future and try not to get himself into any more rough spots.

Alexis seemed to appreciate their talk, and as the days progressed he did notice that she seemed much more relax. He could hardly blame her for being a little on-edge about the whole situation—none of them would deny how strange it was to be suddenly cohabitating with a new family—but day by day it was getting better. He’d even seen her discussing some books with both Jim and Kate the day before and hoped their friendly rapport would continue.

The drive back to the house was brief with little traffic. Once the car was parked, he popped the trunk and walked around to the back to examine what they’d purchased. It appeared that most of the fresh fruits and vegetables he ordered were available, but the canned ones he’d ordered in case the fresh weren’t available, were the ones missing. He found the irony slightly amusing as he pulled the bags out by their handles and set them on the ground so he could close the trunk.

He then picked up the bags and began to walk towards the front of the house. Due to the sun, he didn’t realize that Kate sat on the top step of the front porch until he was almost on top of her. “Hey…” He began, only after he spoke realizing that he still wore his mask. He put the bags in his right hand down, pulled the mask off, then asked, “What are you doing out here?”

“Just getting some air…taking a break…”

Castle glanced tentatively towards the house then back to Kate. Considering that before he left he saw his mother going through a trunk of old costumes he didn’t even know she had at the Hamptons house he wondered what Kate needed a break from. “Mother didn’t try to get you to put a costume on, did she?”

“She and Alexis are going to do a skit or something; they asked me to read the narrators part.”

He fought the urge to roll his eyes. Kate was still spending part of her days in bed or sleeping; the last thing she needed was to be shanghaied into a theatre production. “You don’t have to do that.”

She let a beat go by before asking, “Why am I here?”

“What?” not really understanding the context of what she was asking.

Using her hand on the porch railing to hoist herself up, Kate stood so that they were eye to eye when she repeated her query. “Why am I here, Rick? Why are my father and I here?”

“There’s a pandemic,” he said a bit dumbly.

“Which we would have been perfectly fine to avoid by staying in my apartment. Or his.”

Frowning, Castle said, “You don’t know that.” He could only imagine the complexities of being in Manhattan at that moment. Grocery delivery wasn’t available from every store and bodega, only some, and he imagined those were inundated with orders and probably had more shortages than not. Given the prevalence of the virus in the city, it definitely wouldn’t have been safe for either Kate or her father to keep going out for supplies; it would have been a nightmare for them. “This thing seems to spread like wildfire and-“

“Fine.” She folded her arms tightly over her chest. “My father’s cabin, then.”

He shook his head. “We discussed it, but it was impractical. Too remote. Not set up for someone in your condition.”

“My condition,” she repeated as though he’d insulted her entire existence.

The realization that she was in one of her extra stubborn moods triggered irritation in Castle, so he spoke with a bit less tact than he should have. “You may not like it Kate, but you’re vulnerable right now and the only thing that will fix it is time. Here, you have time.”

“They extended the stay-at-home order.”

“I know; I heard it on the radio on the way to the store.”

She shook her head softly. “It’s not just weeks anymore. They’re saying it could be a few months.”

He nodded as he’d heard the phrase “the entire summer” being thrown around by the talk radio hosts. That prospect was as frustrating as it was unfathomable, but if it kept everyone safe it was the way things had to be. “I heard that, too, but there’s no need to worry about that. We’re doing fine, right?” He tried to keep his voice light, but when her expression remained stern he added, “Kate, listen, if you feel like you need some more space or time to yourself we can-”

“Stop! Just stop!”

“Stop what?”

“Being so…you!” she threw her hands out as she spoke then immediately winced and grabbed on to her left side with her right hand. Her body curled inwards, and her voice came out sounding frustrated and sad, “I don’t understand…why would you…” She mumbled towards the end, but he caught the gist of what she was saying—and it annoyed him.

She was questioning why he would do something to help her? His friend? His partner? The woman he cared most about in the world? Maybe she hadn’t heard him say those three words, but she had to know how he’d felt about her for quite some time because of his actions. She might have been in a bit of denial, but she was too smart to be completely naïve.

Feeling more than a little annoyed at the prospect that she might not know him as well as he thought she did, he spoke with a bit more honesty than he probably should have. “What don’t you understand, Kate? That I care about you? I would have thought by this point that would have been obvious, but in case I need to make it more clear... You want to know why I invited you and your father here, Kate? Because the thought of losing you to a virus so soon after I almost lost you to a bullet was too much to bear. I watched you die in that ambulance; did you know that? I was six inches from you when your heart stopped and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. To watch that happen to someone you l—” He stopped himself just short of saying the word he wanted to, realizing that with Kate’s eyes being as wide as they were she probably would not be too receptive to it.

Two seconds of silence went by before he cleared his throat and continued with, “Well, let’s just say I’m not interested in going through that again any time soon so…here you are. Three weeks, three months—it doesn’t matter as long as it keeps you healthy and everyone safe.”

Figuring his speech would be another thing she wanted time and space to process, Castle merely picked up the grocery bags and walked directly into the kitchen to put them away.

* * *

Inside the house, Kate stormed up the stairs to her bedroom. Well, walked slowly—but angrily!—up the stairs as it was the best she could do. But inside her mind, she was storming.

She was so frustrated with Castle, with everyone, with herself. Why did Castle have to say those things to her? Why did her father have to hover around her like she was a glass pitcher balanced on the edge of a six-foot-high ledge? Why couldn’t her body just work the way she wanted it to?

Tears began to sting her eyes and she knew she was about to have a long, drawn out cry, which she felt most comfortable doing in the shower—and that was when she was completely by herself. Now, with the possibility of anyone walking in on her, the shower was the only place she would feel safe to get out her emotions the way she needed to. Though she had still be taking baths, she’d been standing for longer and longer periods of time, so she felt confident in her ability to shower especially since she could lean her back against the wall if she needed to.

Without even grabbing a change of clothes Kate walked from her bedroom to the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She pushed her yoga pants and underwear off her hips where they fell to the floor with ease. She stepped out of them and then began the careful process of removing her t-shirt. She grabbed the sleeve edge of the right side with her left hand and wiggled her right arm out. Then she used her right hand to guide the shirt up over her head and then pull it down from her left side so her left hand never lifted above her shoulder. Then she cranked on the shower water, stepped inside, and the tears immediately began to fall.

Everything—every part of her life—just felt so difficult and overwhelming. She just wanted to process every moment she had spent with Montgomery, go through all the evidence they had collected, and think through all the times he might have been lying to her to cover up her mother’s case. Her mother’s case! He was involved! She just wanted to process those thoughts, but how could she when she saw Castle’s face three, four, five times a day and his words echoed in her mind.

 _I love you, Kate_.

She knew that he had a crush on her; that much was plain. Though she’d denied it for quite some time because she didn’t want to process her own feelings for him, she knew it. He bought her coffee. He smiled at her with that dopy grin. And, sometimes their eyes would meet and she just…

But a crush was so much different than love. Love! Love was serious and…possibly permanent.

As his words—and that moment—filtered through the fog and haze in her brain she’d convinced herself that he only said them because he believed that she was dying—that it was a heat of the moment confession. She could understand that. Emotions were already high because they were at a funeral. Then, with the gunshot came adrenaline. Saying that he loved her wasn’t that shocking if it had been just in that moment, but then he’d nearly done it again ten minutes earlier out on the front step.

 _…someone you love_ …

How was she supposed to process _that_? If he loved her and wanted to keep her safe, then maybe that was the reason he brought her out to the Hamptons. Maybe he wanted them to…

But how could she even think about something like that with him when she didn’t really feel like she was equipped to love someone back. What did that even mean? And how was she supposed to find the time to process it when her father was hovering, and Castle was always around, and her chest seared with pain every time she moved too quickly or sat in too awkward a position.

It was all too much; too much.

After crying for the better part of ten minutes Kate realized that her shower idea hadn’t been the best. She could already feel the heaviness of exhaustion weighing in her back and legs. She wanted to sit but doing so in the shower seemed unnecessary. She didn’t need to clean herself up; she’d taken a bath the day before and had hardly done more than sit around since then.

Feeling a little shaky, she bent down to turn off the faucet. She shook the water off her hands then pulled the shower curtain back so she could step out onto the mat. As she moved her right leg up and over the edge of the tub, her left foot slipped back somehow. Instinctually her left arm shot out to brace against the side of the tub for stability, but that caused a stab of pain in her chest that sent her reeling, and before she knew it, she was crashing down and yelping out with pain.

The red fury of pain flashed across her vision leaving her temporarily blind, aware only of the burning in her chest and the cold edge of the tub somewhere near her groin. When the initial flash of pain began to dissipate, she realized that she’d collapsed half in and half out of the tub so that she was straddling the tub edge while braced against the back of the tub with her left side. Before she could even contemplate how she would get herself out of that position, the bathroom door burst open.

“Kate? God! Are you okay? You fell, shit—are you hurt?”

Kate didn’t even process his presence until she felt his hand come in contact with her right shoulder. Shen then lifted her gaze and immediately felt horror wash over her. “Ca—Cas…fuck, Castle I’m naked.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry but your injuries are a little more important than modesty right now. Here, I’ve got you.”

With surprising ease, he slid his arms around her waist and pulled her up and out of the tub. She was able to then put both her feet on the ground but remained in a partially crouched position to cover as much of her body as possible, though she was well aware that her breasts were completely exposed to him when he burst into the room. Knowing she must have appeared like a deer in headlights she said, “Uh, towel?”

“Right, yes, towel.” He spun around, grabbed a fresh rose-toned towel off the rack behind the door and whipped it around her shoulders like a cape. “Now, sit here on the toilet and tell me what you hit when you fell.”

She let him guide her over to the toilet and sat down on the closed lid while mentally assessing where she felt pain. “I, um, it was so fast…I…I hit my knee and…and kind of my crotch on the edge of the tub.”

“Oh.” He blinked, obviously unsure of what to do with that information. “Okay…how do they feel now?”

“Okay, I think, just—ahh!” she yelped when she tried to adjust the towel and felt more pain course through her chest.

Castle crouched down so he was eye level with her. “It looked like you fell against your left side, Kate.”

She shook her head and mumbled, “I’m fine. You can go.”

He gave her a pointed look. “Will you let me check your incision or should I go get your father?”

“No!” she reacted immediately, suddenly feeling like she was back in high school and the principal told her he was going to call her parents in for a meeting. “Don’t tell him please. I’m okay.”

“Someone has to check that incision, Kate. It’s him or me because Mother doesn’t do well with blood.”

Feeling more than miserable enough already, Kate reluctantly nodded in agreement to him checking her side. She released the towel from her left hand and crossed her left arm over her breasts to at least prevent him from seeing them again. Then she twisted her butt on the toilet seat, so her left side faced him.

Castle dipped his head to look under her arm and she felt his thumb brush across her ribs as he examined the spot. She shut her eyes and gritted her teeth, trying not to think too much about what it meant for him to be touching her in such a feather-light way. “You’re lucky. It looks fine, but you’ve got to take it easy, okay? Can I help you back to your room?”

Lowering her arm back into position at her side she asked, “Are you going to let me say no?”

He quirked his lips to one side. “Nope.”

Kate knew the sooner she relented the sooner the whole ordeal would be over so she softly requested, “Can you at least turn around while I get this towel on better?”

“Sure.” He stood from his crouch and turned his back to her.

Kate then slid the towel off her shoulders and did her best to wrap it around her chest beneath her armpits. Then she carefully stood and let the towel fall down against her thighs so she was as covered as she could possibly be. “Okay, you can turn around.”

“Okay,” he echoed. Then he put one arm around her waist and they began the slow trek towards her bedroom. With each step, her knee and hip ached. Her side also burned with pain because of the jolt she received. She pressed her lips tightly together and tried to tolerate the pain, but by the time they turned the corner into her room silent tears had begun to fall.

Castle sat her down on the edge of her bed, only then removing the arm from her waist. He took a step away but hesitated and dropped down in front of her. He wore a sad smile and reached out his finger to gently brush some tears from the edge of her jaw line. She wanted to turn her head away from him, but just didn’t fell she had the energy to keep fighting.

“Do you want one of your pain pills?” he asked softly.

“No.”

“Can I get you something else? Tea?”

She shook her head gently and rasped out, “I just need some space.”

“Okay.” He agreed and then he stood and walked out of the room, leaving Kate alone with her thoughts and her pain.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Late in the afternoon, Rick sat at the desk in his office with the _Heat Rises_ document open on his computer. He was supposed to be working on the last chapter of the book so he could submit it to Gina, but in reality his thoughts were drawn towards Kate. Though their relationship remained strained, he still cared deeply for her and seeing her in discomfort to the point of tears made his heart ache.

For most of his life Castle felt compelled to make those he cared for as happy as possible and wanted to do anything he could to aid in that happiness, but he feared there wasn’t much he could do for Kate, particularly since the one thing she continually requested was for space and that was the one thing he could not provide—not really. The only way for her to get space was for her to stay up in her room by herself, or for them to allow her the deck space while everyone else remained inside. As the latter was more difficult, their situation inadvertently made Kate seem like a prisoner and that was the last thing he wanted, but their circumstances were…tricky to say the least.

Castle began to muse other possible options, including cleaning up the house’s fifth bedroom so that they could at least move the bed she slept in into that room. True, it would simply be displacing her from one prison-like room to another, but at least in that room she would actually be alone and not sharing with her father for part of the time. He imagined that the cohabitation had to be weighing on her in some way, seeing as if their situations were reversed and he was forced to share a room with his mother for more than a few nights he would not have been very happy.

Before he could think too much further on the subject, he was interrupted by a knock at his office door. Looking up, he saw Jim hovering and smiled immediately. “Jim, how are you doing this afternoon?”

“Not too bad. I was out walking and then I came back to check on Katie. She told me what happened in the shower, so I wanted to thank you for helping her.”

“Oh.” Castle hesitated for a moment. Considering that the shower incident had led to him seeing Kate topless for the first time (an incident he was trying not to dwell on too much as it seemed inappropriate given that she could have been seriously injured in her fall) did it make it weird that her father was thanking him for it? He tried not to think too much about that, either, and just said, “Well, I’m just glad I heard her fall and was able to help. She could have been hurt worse if she had to figure out how to get out of the tub herself.”

Jim sighed heavily and gestured towards one of the spare chairs in his office asking, “Mind if I…”

“Not at all. Please sit.”

The elder man did so and then rested his elbow against the chair arm as his fingers skimmed across his jaw. “To be honest with you, Rick: I’m worried about Katie.”

Castle let out a slow breath. “To be honest, Jim: so am I. I was actually just thinking about what I could do for her. I was wondering if maybe I should try and clear out some of the things in the fifth bedroom so she could move into there and have a room to herself.”

“Or I could move so she doesn’t have to.”

Castle nodded. “Sure; either way she would have her own space. That might help.”

Jim pressed his lips together tightly. “I’m sure you know by now that my daughter is fiercely independent and can be quite stubborn.”

Castle fought the urge to laugh as “quite stubborn” didn’t seem a strong enough descriptor for Kate’s behavior at times. It was more like “stubborn to the point of her own detriment.”

“She hates not being able to take care of herself and I can’t blame her there. I would be frustrated as well if I had to rely on others to help me dress and bathe, but I think more than that she’s struggling that she can’t mentally distract herself from the pain both physical and emotional. She can’t go back to work, she can’t do much of anything, so she’s stuck with her thoughts.”

The writer nodded as this made perfect sense. “Yeah, and they’re tough ones too: thinking about what Roy Montgomery did all those years she worked for him.”

Jim’s brow wrinkled. “What do you mean?”

Castle’s heart froze in his chest and he began to panic. “Ka-Kate didn’t tell you?”

“We were supposed to talk after the funeral, but obviously that didn’t happen. What did Roy do? Did he hurt her?”

“No, no—not physically. He…” Castle huffed and looked towards the celling. There was a very high possibility Kate would be furious with him for being the one to tell her father the truth, but what was he supposed to do? Tell the man he couldn’t say anything else after confusing him and making him worry. “In the course of looking into your wife’s murder, we discovered that there was an NYPD cover up for hers and the other related murders. It was a trio of officers: Raglan, McCallister, and a third man we could never identify.”

“Montgomery,” Jim spoke with notable horror.

“Yes. We didn’t find out until just before he was killed. He’d been…he’d been altering files and, though we didn’t realize it at the time, throwing us off the scent. That’s why he kept discouraging Kate and I from investigating the case—because he was afraid we’d get too close and figure it out, but we did a lot of work off-hours so Roy wasn’t fully aware. Anyway, in the end Roy told us that he’d fallen under the influence of McCallister and Raglan during his rookie days and got wrapped up in some of their nefarious stunts. In the end, though Roy wasn’t directly involved in Johanna’s murder, he did help fund the man who eventually hired the hit on her, so he felt responsible.”

“And…who is that man?” Jim asked cautiously.

“We don’t know. Roy wouldn’t tell us because he knew if Kate knew she’d get herself killed trying to take him down.”

Skimming his hands over his mouth, Jim concluded, “Wow that…that is a lot to process.”

“Yes, and of course on top of all that we agreed to keep secret everything we learned to preserve Roy’s good record for his family. The only people that know the truth are Kate, me, and Detectives Ryan and Esposito. And now you.”

“I know that Katie looked up to Roy so much. She always said how lucky she was to have him as a captain; how influential he had been. This must be tearing her apart.”

“Which is why she keeps asking for space to process it.”

Jim’s brow rose slightly. “Oh. Well. On that note—there was another thing I wanted to talk with you about: whether or not Katie and I should return to the city.”

Castle’s brow wrinkled. “Why ever would you do that?”

“Well…” Jim gazed down at his lap, fidgeting with his hands. “When we first made these arrangements you and I didn’t discuss how long we might be staying out here. That was perhaps an oversight on my part, though my focus at that time was just making sure Katie got out of the hospital before the virus began spreading there. Now that we know these stay-in-place orders will last at least another month, possibly longer, I wasn’t sure if-”

“Jim,” Castle raised his hand up to stop the man’s speech which, in his opinion, was completely unnecessary. “Let me stop you right there: it’s really not an issue for me. Both of you are welcome here as long as you would like to stay. In fact, I’d prefer it. The virus seems to be spreading like wildfire in Manhattan right now and from what I understand their food shortages are even more challenging than the ones we have here.”

“Well, I truly appreciate you saying that Rick. I do feel much safer staying out here. And I do think this will be much better for Katie’s recovery. Once she’s able to walk there’s plenty of safe space here, versus in the city she’d be confined to the apartment.”

“I agree,” Castle said with a smile.

“So…we’ll stay for at least the next month and then reassess?”

Castle shrugged. “As far as I’m concerned you can stay for the rest of the summer. That’s probably what we’ll be doing.”

Jim smiled softly. “Well, I don’t know about that, but I appreciate the offer. Now that that’s settled, though: would you mind if I have mine and Katie’s mail forwarded here? I don’t want us to miss something important.”

“Of course not.”

“Thank you, Rick.” Jim hesitated for a moment before continuing with, “Actually, I don’t think I could ever thank you enough for all that you’ve done.” 

“It’s really not a problem,” Castle promised. Then, as Jim left his office, he found himself suddenly reminded of the moment during Montgomery’s funeral just a few seconds before Kate was shot. She was giving her eulogy for the captain and speaking about something he told her about finding a place to make a stand. She had said, “…and if you’re very lucky, you’ll find someone willing to stand beside you,” and then looked directly at him. He’d forgotten that hearing her words caused a surge of hope inside his chest—that the words were her way of saying she had chosen him, assuming he was willing, to be her partner and stand beside her for whatever life threw their way. The thought had become lost the moment he’d seen the flash of sunlight off the rifle’s scope but thinking about it now he chose to bring back that hope. Yes, Kate was struggling now, but he would stand beside her and support her in whatever way he could.

* * *

Sitting at the table in the dining area, Kate finished eating a sandwich made with Alexis’s delicious homemade bread and popped the last of her carrot sticks in her mouth. As she chewed, her cell phone began to ring. She didn’t recognize the number, though it had a Manhattan area code, so she let it go to voicemail.

With her meal finished, Kate carried her plate into the kitchen, put the plate in the dishwasher, and then made sure the foil was once again tightly wrapped around the remaining bread. As she finished this, she heard a squeal of laugher from Alexis and peered out the window towards the pool area. From that angel she could just barely see the family horsing around and smiled softly at the joy she saw etched on Castle’s face.

For the prior few days Kate had kept mostly to herself. After her breakdown in the shower and a subsequent conversation with her father about what she needed, he agreed to give her as much space as possible given their living arrangements. He told her about Rick’s offer to rearrange the fifth bedroom in the house so she could use it, but after she learned just how much would need to be moved around, she insisted that was unnecessary. Instead, her father just vacated the bedroom for most of the day so she could read, listen to music, or rest as she needed to. She also started eating meals at different times than the rest of them so she could have even more quiet time to process the jumble of thoughts going through her mind. It had been hard at first, since she worried what the Castles might think of her antisocial-like behavior, but she had to keep reminding herself that she just needed a little bit of time in isolation and then she would feel better about joining them.

Walking back to the table where she left her phone, Kate discovered that the unknown number that called her left a voice mail, so she listened to it. The message was from a woman saying she was the assistant of a Dr. Burke who was an NYPD approved therapist who would need to do the psych eval required for her to return to work after her shooting. Kate had expected his call as it was NYPD protocol for all on-the-job shootings. The voicemail told her that she could contact them any time to schedule her evaluation, but it would be done over the phone due to the pandemic situation.

Kate placed her phone down on the table and bit down on her bottom lip, considering. Thanks to general bureaucracy plus delay due to the stay-at-home orders, Kate had received the official notification about her medical leave from the NYPD only a few days earlier. She had been granted eight weeks, with the potential to extend up to twelve depending on the assessments made by her doctors and the therapist. Just about three weeks had passed since her shooting and while she could absolutely say she was feeling better, she did not feel anywhere near ready to return to work.

The idea of not wanting to go back was strange to Kate. She’d had several on-the-job injuries in the past, though all had been minor, and each time she’d been frustrated to be put on leave that lasted more than few hours let alone days. Now, since her shooting had involved one of the body’s most critical organs, she was forced to take the appropriate amount of time. As much as it frustrated her from time to time, her body simply wasn’t ready. She still needed to take at least one, usually two, naps during the day, and the act of walking down the stairs and out onto the patio was enough to tire her out. Every day did seem to get a little better, but she had finally accepted the fact that she needed to let her body heal at its own pace, lest she rush herself too much and become reinjured, like what had almost happened the first time she tried to shower.

“Katie? How are you feeling? Did you get lunch?”

Kate looked up as her father walked through the patio door that led into the kitchen. She smiled and nodded. “Yeah Dad, I’m fine.”

“Well, if you’re interested in joining us for a bit, Rick and Alexis are playing a very entertaining pool game. I don’t know what it is, but it’s hilarious.”

“Ah,” Kate hesitated for a moment, not sure if she wanted more solitude or some Castle-family entertainment. Since it had been several days since she had even seen Alexis, she decided on the latter. “Okay, just for a few minutes.”

She grabbed her sandals and walked out onto the deck and then opened the gate into the pool area. Martha was seated in a chair beneath an umbrella while Rick and Alexis were in the water, laughing and splashing each other. There was a chair on the opposite side of the pool with a folded-up newspaper she suspected belonged to her father, so Kate chose the chair next to Martha, which was still partially in the shade.

“Would you like to sit here, darling?” Martha offered, but Kate waved her hand dismissively.

“No, it’s okay; I’m only going to be out here a few minutes.”

“Kate! Come put your feet in the water—it’s nice!”

Smiling politely, Kate said, “Oh no I’m fine.”

“Are you sure Katie?” her father asked when he returned to the pool area. “We can move a chair closer to help you get down.”

Kate looked at the pool, which was rectangular shaped. The stairs to get in were located in the corner closest to the house and they had a railing down the center. She felt confident she could get down and up by herself and perhaps it might be nice to put her feet in the water since she could not remember the last time she was in a pool.

“Ah, okay, but I can do it.”

She walked over to the pool stairs and while standing with her right hand on the railing, stepped down on the first step. The water felt rather chilly on her toes, but she figured she’d acclimate. Slowly, she lowered herself down until her rear landed on the stone edge of the pool, which in contrast felt very warm. Her father sat down beside her and said softly, “You know I was thinking—we should get the information about the physical therapy you’ll be doing sooner than later and this pool would probably be helpful.”

Kate twisted her lips to the side thinking about how much arm strength and movement was used with any of the swimming strokes. “I don’t think I can swim, Dad.”

“No, no. Not swimming—walking.”

She arched her eyebrow. “Walking? In the pool?”

He nodded. “Yes, I remember a colleague of mine that that when he injured his knee. It helped with rehab because the water displaces so much of your weight so it’s less stress.”

Kate nodded, she hadn’t thought of that, but it was possibly something she could do. “Yeah, maybe—we can keep that in mind when we talk to the therapist.”

A high-pitched squeal from Alexis called Kate’s attention and she looked over to watch the girl popping up out of the water and pressing both hands down on her father’s shoulders in an attempt to submerge him. Castle merely laughed, grabbed her waist, and gave her a toss back into the water. Kate watched the muscles in his arms flex as he did this and, for the first time since her shooting, felt a tingle of desire in her low-belly. Clearing her throat to push _that_ notion from her mind, Kate called out to them, “What game are you guys playing?”

Castle looked at her with a grin. “One we made up. We can teach it to you once you’re feeling better.”

“Ah, that’s okay. Seems like you get really wet.”

Still grinning, he said, “Duh, Beckett. That’s the whole point of the poo-aaah!” he yelped when Alexis catapulted herself from the water and finally succeeded in dunking him by landing most of her body onto his shoulders. He popped up to the surface a moment later and used his hands to send a wave of water in Alexis’s direction; she cackled and swam away.

Kate watched their little game for the better part of ten minutes but still could not figure out any of the rules—assuming there were any. Regardless, both father and daughter seemed to be having a blast. As they laughed, played, and simply enjoyed themselves, Kate felt a pang of jealousy course through her stomach. How long had it been since she’d been that fun and carefree? How many years had passed since she would have been willing to just let go and get a little wet for the sake of having fun? She genuinely couldn’t remember.

Her thoughts drifted back to the voice message she’d just heard and the word _therapy_ flashed through her mind. Truth be told, even before she received the voicemail about her psych eval she had been kicking around the idea of talking to someone. As she had always been the type to keep her thoughts and emotions to herself, speaking about them with anyone let alone a stranger had never entered her mind, but look where that had gotten her. She was unhappy with where she was in her life and struggling—really and truly struggling—to process everything she’d been through. She simply didn’t have the tools or knowhow to process through everything and wondered if a professional might.

The more she thought about it, the more she realized that trying therapy might not have been the worst idea, especially if it got her to a place where she could feel freer and less weighted down by all her troubles. More to the point: maybe then she could finally be happy.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Kate Beckett awoke to the sound of an alarm beeping and grumbled before smacking it off. Even though there was only one day a week she needed to get up with an alarm, it still annoyed her. The more she healed, the better she slept, but still: alarms were never pleasant.

Her morning wake up time was twenty after seven, which was downright sleeping in compared to being woken up at all hours of the night due to the discovery of a dead body. This time provided her with a little over an hour and a half to do the morning stretches and movement exercises she had been given by her physical therapist, go for a little walk around the back yard to keep herself moving, eat breakfast, and get dressed so she was ready for her nine o’clock therapy appointment with Dr. Burke.

This appointment would only be her third with the therapist and the first one hardly counted since they spent most of the time just going over where she was at physically with her recovery and what goals she had for her time in therapy. Since she’d looked online before her first appointment to see what things were regularly discussed, she actually did have a goal list at the ready when he asked the question, but that did not make it feel less daunting. Actually, it felt nearly insurmountable, but Dr. Burke continued to reminder that it took her years to get to that point and that didn’t mean it would take her years to get past it, but it certainly would take longer than a few weeks.

At that point, the only person who knew she was doing therapy was her father. As she needed the bedroom to herself for an hour for her sessions, she felt it was only right to tell him what was going on. The only thing she wasn’t entirely truthful with him was about why she was doing them. She told him she was doing the therapy to work through the trauma of her shooting and what happened with the case that led to it. That wasn’t untrue, but she also had some deeper issues that she wanted to work through.

Just before nine, Kate closed and locked the bedroom door then sat on the rug at the foot of her bed with her back leaning against the bedframe. She pulled her cardigan tightly around her and then dialed in to Dr. Burke’s office, where she was connected to the therapist’s office line. As they exchanged pleasantries, Kate put her phone on speaker mode, so she didn’t have to hold it to her ear for fifty-five minutes.

“Last week we talked about some of the things you want to work through with regards to your relationship with Captain Montgomery and the death of your mother, but when we first spoke you mentioned some personal improvements you’d like to make as well. Can you tell me about those?” Dr Burke asked.

“Well,” Kate began twisting at one of the buttons on her cardigan with her right hand, “I…I tend to be rather closed-off. I don’t let people in, and I’d like to change that.”

“’Let people in.’ How would you define that?”

She struggled for a moment to put her thoughts into words. “Share…share my emotions with them, I guess. I…I think now I can put on a front and pretend that I’m feeling one way when I’m really not.”

“So, you want someone you feel comfortable being authentic and honest with?”

“Yes.”

“Have you ever felt that way with anyone?”

Feeling disappointment heavily in her chest she confessed, “No, not really.”

“Who would you say you’re closest with right now?”

Kate chewed on the inside of her bottom lip. “How do you mean? Like a best friend?”

“Sure.”

“Well, probably Lanie. Or Castle.”

“Castle—the partner you worked on Montgomery’s case with?”

And the person she was kind of-sort of living with, but she hadn’t told Burke that, yet. She just said she was staying with a family friend. “Yes.”

“Okay the let’s do a little exercise. Let’s say you’re introducing Castle to someone new—how would you describe him?”

“He’s my partner.”

Burke hummed. “So, then you regard him the same as you do Detectives Ryan or Esposito?”

“Well, no.” While there were many similarities to her working relationships with Ryan or Esposito such as their camaraderie and the implicit trust she had with them in the field. Things with them were…different. Due to the time they’d been working together, she did feel she was closer with Espo than with Ryan, but despite that Espo was not her first call when things came up with her mother’s case—or with anything else serious. That person was always Castle.

“Because you have more of a friendship with Castle?”

“Yes.”

“And what level of friendship is that? Let’s say on a scale of one to ten. One being someone you just met today and ten being you never feel compelled to lie or hide anything from that person.”

Kate considered for several moments. She was _very_ open with Castle—arguably the most open she’d ever been with a person of the opposite sex. Yet, there were definitely things she kept from him, like how she felt about some of the things surrounding her mother’s case. And of course she never would have spoken to him about her relationship with Josh or any other man. That would have been…extremely weird. “Ah…I guess maybe around a seven. Maybe seven and a half.”

“And where would you put Lanie?”

“Around the same—seven.”

“And would you like to get to a ten with either of them?”

Her heart fluttered a bit in her ribcage as she admitted, “Yes, with—with Castle.”

“Okay then let’s flip the scenario here. Same scale, but this time answer how you think Castle views your friendship with him.”

Unable to help herself from chuckling lightly she said, “Oh, probably like a nine.”

Sounding surprised, Burke asked, “Really? What makes you say that?”

“He’s just…he’s more of a heart-on-his-sleeve person. He…” She paused for a moment, thinking through the more serious conversations she’d had with Castle over their three-year partnership. Did she think he had told her every single thing about himself? Of course not, but he did tell her a lot. When he was having problems or disagreement with his mother or daughter he usually told her about them. He also talked some about his past and growing up without a father. Plus, it was the way he talked about those things—with such confidence. Her skin prickled as she thought back to the night they shared in a Los Angeles hotel room, which really had barely been more than a month before, but now, after everything that happened, felt more like a lifetime ago.

“Remember Kate: you get out of therapy what you put into it.”

Kate fought the urge to grumble at the reminder, “I know I…it’s just hard.”

“Take your time.”

Kate sucked in a deep breath and recalled the real reason she thought Castle acted so much more open with her than she did with him. “He, um, he told me that he loved me. When I was shot. He…he was hovering over me and he…”

“What were his exact words?”

She squeezed her hands tightly together and shut her eyes, recalling the moment in her mind’s eye. “I love you, Kate.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

Kate’s eyes popped open and she rubbed her fingers beneath them to collect any moisture that threatened to fall. “Terrified, confused…”

“Terrified. Okay. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the most scared you’ve ever been, how did you feel?”

“Fifteen,” she immediately, only half joking.

“Really?”

“Ah, no…I guess nine.”

“What is more scary?”

“Bullet to the heart,” she said wryly. Had she not been shot in the chest moments earlier, though, Castle telling her that he loved her so abruptly might have been the scariest thing she’d ever experienced.

“Fair enough but suffice to say very scary.”

“Yes.”

“Can you tell me some reasons why you feel so afraid of what he said?”

Kate leaned her head back against the headboard. His question was the exact thing she was trying to answer herself for the prior few weeks, but she had been struggling; hence the decision to begin therapy. “Because I… I don’t know how I feel about him. I’m confused and knowing how-how strongly he feels makes me feel pressured.”

“Pressured for what?”

“To…I don’t know. Love him back, I guess.”

“But you don’t feel that you do.”

“I…I don’t know,” she said honestly as she lowered her gaze to her lap. Genuinely, she didn’t. When they were together in LA and she’d felt the burn in his gaze as he looked at her, there had been a brief moment where she had felt she was in love with him, but almost immediately thereafter she’d felt confusion. Was the feeling love or just strong physical attraction? Was it love or just genuine appreciation for having someone like him in her life? And why did her feelings for him feel so different than the ones she had for Josh when she and Castle had never even kissed (well, not really…)?

“I…he’s. I’ve never felt about anyone else the way I feel about him,” she admitted finally.

“And what are those feelings in words?”

“Attraction, admiration, frustration, care, joy…hope.”

“When you say attraction, you mean physical, sexual?”

“Yes.”

“Have you two ever been intimate?”

“No.”

“Why? Has it come up?”

“Not exactly.” They had certainly shared more than a few steamy gazes over the years, but aside from their ruse of a kiss while undercover, nothing remotely sexual had happened or almost happened between them. “I…I suppose that’s another example of me holding myself at arm’s length. I never would have let myself get that close.”

“Why?”

Thinking of what it would be like to have Castle gather her in his arms and kiss her—really kiss her like he had in that alley behind the warehouse, but without the fear of Ryan and Espo’s safety looming overhead—warmth flooded through her chest and swirled down into her belly. “The ease of it, I think. I’ve never been with something where everything just seems to click and… that’s what people say, right? That you meet someone, and everything clicks and that’s how you know you’re supposed to be together, but that doesn’t mean…what if he…I could get hurt. He could.”

“You’re afraid of being hurt?” Burke asked.

“Isn’t everyone?”

“But what is your specific fear?”

“Heartbreak. The pain. The ache. The emptiness.” Kate shut her eyes on that still hollow place inside her that was labeled “Mom.” It still affected her even a decade later and she wondered just how many hollow places she could experience before breaking altogether.

“You’ve felt that before?”

“Yes,” she said, her voice a little thick. “When my mother died. I never wanted to feel it again but…I know now that if I don’t risk it, I might not get the benefits of a relationship either.”

“And what specifically are those that you’re looking for in a relationship?”

“Happiness. Comfort. Feeling safe and supported,” she said, surprising herself a little with those answers, for she had not been a hundred percent sure what she was looking for specifically before that conversation with Burke.

Kate could hear a pen scratching across a paper just before Burke said, “That’s good, Kate. Really good. This is an excellent place for us to work from.”

* * *

Sitting in his office, Castle continued to read through the notes Black Pawn sent him on the final chapters of _Heat Rises_. All things considered they weren’t bad; he just needed to make a few tweaks and approve their edits. Then the book would be off to publication. Of course, Gina had already warned him that due to the pandemic situation the publication process would be delayed, but that didn’t bother him too much. He certainly didn’t need anyone put in an uncomfortable or unsafe situation just so his books could sell faster.

In her email, Gina had also asked him about what would be _Nikki Heat #4_ , the next book in the series and final under his current contract. As he intended for that book to pick up more or less where this one had left off, he did have an idea of where Nikki and Rook would be when it began, but he did need to think of the large case to weave through the novel as a whole, but he didn’t need to rush. There was still plenty of time for him to work that out before Black Pawn wanted to see a rough outline.

A few minutes later, his review was interrupted by a knock on his office door and a soft, “Hey Castle.”

His gaze shot up immediately at the sound of Kate’s voice. She had so rarely initiated contact with him over the prior few weeks that he was delighted to see her standing in his doorway looking as lovely as ever. “Hey—what’s up?” he responded, trying to sound casual.

Her fingers fidgeted, her left index fingernail picking at that of her right thumb. “My dad said something about you having a box of those surgical masks–could I have one please?”

“Of course; they’re in a box on the kitchen counter above the wine fridge I believe.”

“Great thanks.”

Before she could back out of the office he asked, “Going somewhere?”

A light laugh escaped her lips. “Oh, not really. I was going to talk a walk down to the water since I haven’t been out there yet, and I wanted to be extra cautious in case there are others on the beach.”

Castle nodded. As the virus was still quite new, not a whole lot was known about its transmission other than it seemed to be airborne from person to person and it was recommended that anyone venturing out in public wear a mask, whether that be of the surgical kind or, since those were in short supply, a homemade cloth one. It was said that transmission outside was less likely but considering how vulnerable Kate still was they were all trying to be extra cautious and wear masks any time they had leave the home or yard.

“I can go with you…unless you don’t want me to,” he added a bit hesitantly. As far as he was aware, walking out to the water would be the furthest Kate walked since her recovery began. Since she’d started her physical therapy two weeks earlier, he could tell she was getting stronger. The color had returned to her skin and the hollows in her cheeks looked less sunken. He’d also seen her walking in the back yard in the morning, but her pace was always very slow, and she took occasional breaks to sit on one of the wooden chairs. While the distance from his house to the water was probably equivalent to what she walked in the back yard in the mornings, the trek was more difficult since there was a sand dune that needed traversed and, in general, walking on sand was more difficult than grass. It wasn’t that he thought she couldn’t do it, he would have just felt better if someone went with her.

“Oh, um, if you want.” She shrugged and added, “It’ll be a quick walk.”

He stood from his seat and nodded. “Then I’ll come. I should stretch my legs. I’ve been sitting for a whole twenty minutes.”

She chuckled and they made their way to the kitchen together. Castle grabbed the disposable mask he’d been using from where it hung from the ear loop on one of the kitchen cabinet handles while Kate grabbed a fresh one from the box. Then, they made their way out of the back door. Castle waited for Kate to descend the stairs and then followed her across the yard to the path across the sand dune. It was lined with slats of wood but could still be challenging to traverse. Luckily, Kate had no problem.

“So is walking part of your physical therapy?” Castle asked as they began making their way down to the sand.

“Yeah, I just have to take it slow. I can’t get my heart rate elevated above a certain number. That number will keep getting higher the better I do, but I’m just taking it one day a time.”

“As well you should,” he said. Then, reaching out to give her shoulder a squeeze he said, “For the record: I think you’re doing great.”

She looked at him and he could tell she was smiling even though her mouth was covered. “Thanks, Castle.”

In just a few minutes they reached the water’s edge. Kate skimmed the toes of her right foot in the water but jumped back presumably at how chilly it felt. She walked back and forth across the smooth area where the sand met the water. Then, she turned to face him and ask, “Is the beach usually this empty?”

“Yeah. We’re pretty far down from the public beach area. Sometimes there will be people that set up chairs or blankets here, but mostly people are only in this area if one of the nearby houses is having a party or something.”

“Probably won’t be much of that this year,” Kate pointed out.

Castle shrugged. He didn’t have high hopes for his fellow Hamptonites following the strict lockdown rules if they really wanted to have some sort of shindig. Memorial Day had passed relatively uneventfully, but he was worried for the Forth of July, especially if the stay-at-home order was extended again.

They chatted for a few more minutes about his house, how long he’d owned it, and how well he knew the neighbors before Kate said she was ready to return to the house. “You know,” he said as they walked, “If you ever want to sit out here on the sand and read, I’d be happy to bring a chair and umbrella out here for you.”

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mi—oh!” she gasped when her foot slid out from under her on her first step onto the sand dune. Luckily, Castle was right behind her and put his hands on her hips to prevent her from falling back any further. She thanked him and then was able to navigate over the rest of the dune and into the back yard on her own. Once on the grass they both removed their masks and parted ways at the deck with her saying, “Thanks for walking with me.”

“Anytime,” he replied, hoping that one day soon she’d take him up on the offer.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Kate paced the area of the foyer outside of Castle’s office, wringing her hands together until her knuckles turned red. She knew she just had to bite the bullet and walk into Castle’s office so they could talk, but why did crossing that threshold feel more like climbing Everest? And why did the first homework her therapist gave her feel like the hardest of all?

All things considered she felt her first six weeks of therapy had gone well. Yes, it was challenging, and every session had her diving through territory that was uncomfortable for her, but she knew that discomfort was temporary. She actually did feel more comfortable with addressing her emotions and working her way through those challenging moments that came up with the tips Dr Burke had given her.

During their session the day before, she had finally told Burke (okay, accidentally forgot she wasn’t planning on telling him) that Castle was the “family friend” she was staying with. Naturally, this led the doctor to ask her a variety of questions including what their relationship was like after Castle confessed her feelings. Kate then informed him that she’d told him she didn’t remember the shooting and thus what he’d said to her. They’d talked about that for about half an hour, and ultimately Burke challenged her to be honest with him in some way.

Naturally, Kate balked at this as it was a terrifying prospect. She’d convinced herself that as long as Castle thought she didn’t remember what she said she could pretend he’d just never said it, but she also knew that was unfair. Were the situations reversed, she would have been very upset with him for lying to her in that way. She didn’t want to lie to Castle. She wanted to further their friendship and that needed to start with a basis of honesty, even if the prospect of being this honest with him made her shake from head to toe.

After lying awake for part of the night, Kate ultimately decided to be as honest as she could possibly be with where she stood on her feelings and how she was trying to better herself. Simply by allowing them to stay with him, Castle had shown once again that he was going above and beyond in their friendship and she knew it was time for her to contribute to that friendship as much as she was able to.

With one more deep breath, Kate approached Castle’s office, where he sat at his desk typing away at his laptop and knocked on the door. “Have a second?”

“Always,” he replied with a smile.

She returned the expression, though nervously and then stepped inside the office, and shut the door behind her. Having the conversation she wanted to have was difficult enough on its own, but knowing they could possibly be interrupted would make it almost impossible. When she turned back around, she saw that wrinkles covered his brow.

“Is something wrong? Are you okay?”

She waved her hand dismissively and said, “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s nothing too serious. Well maybe it is a little serious.”

“Sit, please.” He gestured towards the couch against the far wall and walked over to join her on it. They sat on opposite ends, her with her hands tightly folded in her lap, and he gazed at her curiously. 

“I know…I know I’ve been kind of avoiding you–or as much as while we’re all staying here together. I asked for time and space, and you’ve given that to me, which I appreciate greatly, but I also feel like I should apologize because…well, I feel that my avoidance has hurt you and that wasn’t my intent. I’ve just felt so overwhelmed about everything. My recover and everything with Montgomery and my mother’s case would have been a lot on its own, but adding this pandemic situation on top of that…” She shook her head as she gazed at him. “I just felt like I could barely catch my breath.”

He nodded kindly. “I completely understand. It’s been a lot for everyone—and we haven’t been recovering from major surgery as well.”

“Well, regardless, I haven’t been handling it in a way I’m happy with and for that I apologize. I wanted us to…to get back to that friendship place we were before everything started back in May, but before we can do that I need to be honest with you about something I wasn’t before.”

When she paused, he tilted his head to the side, curiosity filling her face. Kate took in a ragged breath before continuing. “I don’t remember a whole lot about my time in the hospital; it’s very fuzzy. I think…I think when you visited me, I told you I didn’t remember being shot.”

“Right…” he said, his tone clearly suspicious.

Lowering her head slightly, she gazed at him from beneath her brow. “That isn’t really true. It was at the time, kind of. I just had flashes and blurs, like trying to remember a dream that didn’t make sense. But the more time that’s passed and, probably more importantly, now that I’m off all the prescribed medications and my head is clearer, I do remember everything. I’ve actually had some pretty scary nightmares about it,” she added with a mirthless laugh.

“Kate,” he sighed, his tone heavy with concern.

Since her nightmares and possible PTSD were things she was actively working through with Burke, she didn’t want to focus on them too much in that moment. Instead, she wanted to press on with the difficult things she needed to say. “I’ve pieced it all together now and I think I have everything. I remember giving my speech, the bullet hitting me…and I guess everything right up until my heart stopped in the ambulance. After that the next thing I remember is waking up in ICU. But the shooting – I remember all of that including that you tried to knock me out of the way.”

Castle’s expression shifted from one of concern to one that indicated he was about to get down on his knees and plead with the universe. “If I’d only been a second faster…”

“No,” she said firmly. “Then the bullet would have hit you. Or both of us.” If he had been hurt as well, because of her head-strong and reckless need to power through despite all the warning signs against it, she would have been crushed under the weight of the guilt.

“I wasn’t worried about me, Kate, just you. You were the target.”

She nodded as her hands fidgeted together in her lap. “I’ve thought about those moments a lot and at first I tried to tell myself that what you said was just a manifestation of the moment, but I realized thinking that was actually a disservice to you and to us—our partnership.”

Castle searched her face for a moment, obviously a little confused, but when the realization hit him, he leaned back against the couch and skimmed his fingers over the stubble on his jaw. “It wasn’t in the moment Kate. The moment is what made me say it, I admit, but the feelings have been there for-”

She held up her hand to stop him, fearful that he’d say those three words again and tears would stifle her ability to say the things she wanted to. Even still, knowing her next few sentences would be some of her hardest, they threatened to fall. “I’ve been thinking about them a lot. In my darker moments, wondering why…why you’d say something like that. Why…why you’d feel that way about me when I didn’t feel like I’d done enough to-to earn that kind of…” She sucked in a deep breath and a tear slipped out of the corner of her left eye. Clearing her throat a little, she continued in a less fractured tone. “Because the truth of the matter is: I realized I’m not in as emotionally health of a place as I’d like to be.”

“What do you mean?”

She gave him a little smile and brushed away the tear that ran down her jawline. “I never really processed the grief of my mother’s death. I told myself I moved past it, but instead I let it define me. Consume me. I knew it deep down, but I didn’t let myself acknowledge it. At least not until the night of our fight when I couldn’t deny that basically everything you said about me was right.”

Guilt crept into his expression immediately. “Kate I-”

“It’s okay.” She brushed off his concern with a subtle smile. “You were right. I do hide. I am afraid to be happy because I’m not sure I know how. My mother died when I was nineteen and I closed myself off immediately. I always keep one foot out the door. I’ve never actually been in an adult relationship where I’m fully open with someone, but I want to be. So, I…I ended things with Josh and after some thinking I decided to try therapy so I could start rebuilding myself from the ground up, so to speak.”

“Y-you broke up with Josh? You’re in therapy?”

She couldn’t help but chuckle at how shocked he’d sounded by the one-two surprise punch she dealt. “You didn’t figure out I’d broken up with Josh?”

He shrugged, a little sheepish. “I highly suspected since no one ever mentioned him, and I figured maybe your father might if he was in the picture but…”

“Oh. Well yeah, I ended things before I left the hospital; haven’t talked to him since, though I imagine he’s pretty busy right about now.”

The writer cringed. “Yeah. I imagine. But, um, therapy? You’re doing sessions over the phone, I assume?”

“Yes, with Dr. Burke. He was assigned to me by the NYPD to do my eval for going back into the field, and I asked if we could start now to work on my personal stuff as well as stuff relating to the shooting.”

“I see.” Castle nodded slowly for several moments, obviously processing what she’d just told her. Then, he smiled and said, “Well if this I what you want, I’m happy for you Kate.”

Feeling some of the weights lift away from her shoulders she said, “Thank you. It’s…been challenging and I know there’s still some hard work to come, but it’s really good for me. And I know one of the things that I need to really help me through this is your friendship.”

“I never stopped being your friend Kate,” he said in a tone that sounded like a promise.

Scooting a bit closer to him on the couch she said, “No, but I kind of stopped being yours from how I treated you. I want you to know I’m going to change that. I know this whole thing is kind of strange with us sort of living together, but maybe that’s also a good thing. We can…just talk and go for walks on the beach or something.”

“That sounds great. Is there anything I can do to help you? Or maybe something I shouldn’t do?”

“I don’t think so, Castle; you’ve always been a pretty good friend.”

He puffed his chest out a little as he replied, “Well, I try.” She laughed and then he opened his arms offering, “Hug?”

She slid the rest of the way across the couch and fell into his arms, shutting her eyes as they banded around her back and her forehead came to rest against his shoulder. He rubbed his hands up and down her spine before saying, “Hey, you’re trembling—are you okay?”

A little embarrassed, she pulled back and confessed, “Oh, I’m just a little nervous—being this open is kind of scary for me.”

“Why?” he asked genuinely.

She shrugged. “Because…because you never know what the other person is going to say. You—you could have said you don’t feel the same anymore—that I missed my chance because you’ve moved on.”

He appeared baffled. “Moved on? How? With whom?”

She shrugged knowing their isolation certainly lessened his opportunities for romantic encounters with others but did not make them impossible. “I don’t know. Those are just the worst-case scenarios my brain spins up because of my fear of being hurt. I’m trying to train it not to think that way. And to be more ok with accepting that negative outcomes are possible, and I need to accept and process the emotions that come with it when they do.”

He nodded. “That makes sense and I certainly admire your attitude, but for the record: I have not moved on. I have not thought about moving on. If you need more time before we talk about what might happen between us in the future, you have it; take all the time you need.”

Her heart filling with the lovely emotions only he could give her, she said, “Thank you. Truly.”

He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek then pulled back with a cautious expression. “Too much?”

She laughed at his sweetness and said, “No, that was fine. Do…do you maybe want to go for a little walk on the beach after dinner?”

Grinning, he said, “I’d love to.”

* * *

Later that night, Castle made his way through his regular pre-bedtime routine, but very much doubted sleep would come easily that night. He felt no tiredness, but instead remained energize by his discussion with Kate that afternoon and, more importantly, the walk they’d taken after dinner.

From the way she’d come to him in his office and told him about her memory of the shooting and the work she’d been doing with her therapist he knew she was serious about changing—and well on her way to doing so, since the Kate Beckett he was used to would never have bee that open about what she was going through. What really reinforced that point, though, was when they started their walk and he asked what she wanted to talk about and her response had been, “I want to tell you about my mother.”

For twenty minutes she talked about why and how much she loved her mom, touching on why she still struggled with her mother’s loss and how much she missed her to that day. While he loved hearing all the things she said, Castle felt rendered speechless by just how much she was telling him. He loved every second with this new, open, emotive Kate and could not wait to experience more of this side of her.

Soon enough their conversation turned to silly childhood stories and they swapped tales for the better part of thirty minutes. Then, they sat down on the sand just behind his yard and chatted about her experiences with physical therapy as they watched the water. A few times while they joked, she nudged her shoulder against his and he looked over to see a sparkling smile on her face. Each time she did this he felt an almost crushing amount of joy inside his chest. God, he loved her.

In those moments, Castle felt more confident in his future with Kate than he ever had before. For quite some time he’d hoped that their future life paths would join as one. He had allowed his mind to drift towards those thoughts several times in the past, but in that moment those notions became more like premonitions than fantasies. He thought about them sitting in that exact spot watching their children play in the waves. Or perhaps just enjoying a glass of wine together, wedding bands on each of their left ring fingers. For the very first time that future seemed almost within reach and god, he wanted it. She asked him for time, and he would give her all that she needed. For now, she wanted his friendship, and she had it. He knew the rest would come in time and the love they would share would unquestionably be worth the wait.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Awaking to the sound of rain pattering against her bedroom window, Kate rolled her head to the side, yawned, and realized that her father was still in bed. Equal parts surprised and confused she grabbed for her phone, which was plugged into the charger and resting on the nightstand, and saw it was just before seven. Despite the hour, she actually felt extremely well rested and didn’t notice any discomfort on her left side, which may have been a first for that summer.

Not wanting to waste the feeling, she pushed herself from bed, grabbed the yoga mat rolled up in the corner, and slipped into the hall. After a brief stop in the bathroom, she quietly made her way downstairs and realized she was the first one in the house awake. Thanks to the rain, she couldn’t do her walk in the pool or in the yard that morning, but she could still do her stretches. Then, she thought on a whim, maybe she would make breakfast for everyone.

Kate rolled the mat out in the space between the dining and sitting areas and went through her stretching routine. When she was about three quarters of the way done, she started the coffee machine so it would be ready once she’d finished all she needed to do. After her last stretch, she rolled up the mat, turned around and almost ran directly into Rick, who had made his way downstairs wearing boxers and nothing else. He appeared a bit surprised to see her which, combined with the messy status of his hair, made her want to laugh. It also helped distract her from staring too intently at his state of undress.

“Um, hi,” he said a bit dumbly.

“Hi,” she echoed.

“You’re up early.”

“Yeah, I woke up feeling good, so I thought I’d get a jump start on the day. I started the coffee and then I figured I’d make some pancakes for breakfast for anyone who wants them.”

His eyes widened. “Oh, um, oh. Wow that’s really nice of you. I, um.” He glanced down at himself and then back up at her. “I was going to start the coffee but perhaps I should put on some clothes.”

“Probably a good idea.”

He gave her an awkward thumbs up before turning and walking back towards the stairs. She watched him go, chuckling slightly to herself, then went into the kitchen and pulled two mugs from the cabinet. She filled hers but left Castle’s in case he didn’t return for several minutes; she didn’t want his coffee to be cold. She sipped hers gingerly and then made her way through the kitchen making sure she had enough supplies to make pancakes for everyone. And, more importantly, making sure she remembered how to make pancakes.

When Castle returned to the kitchen, he was wearing a red t-shirt with The Flash’s logo on it and khaki cargo shorts. He smiled, thanked her for the coffee, and then poured some into the mug she left. “Do you need any help with the pancakes?”

“I think I’m okay, actually. I’ve been watching you work in this kitchen for almost two months, so I think I’ve got it down.” She continued to collect ingredients but then noticed a peculiar look on his face and said, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing just…it really is about two months since we got here. That’s crazy!”

She laughed. “I know. Somedays that seems like ages and others not nearly enough.”

He hummed. “Agreed. Anyway, getting back to today: according to the weather it’s pretty much going to be a washout so maybe we can find some fun group activities to do inside. Like games or something?”

She shrugged as she began to measure out the dry ingredients needed for breakfast. “Sure. I’d be into that.”

“Great. Let me see what ideas I can cook up with you cook up breakfast.” He winked at her, which made her laugh, and then took his coffee mug into the other room.

For the prior two weeks, as she felt better both physically and emotionally thanks to therapy, Kate had joined the rest of her housemates for breakfast and dinner. Typically, they all did their own things for lunch, though sometimes a few of them ate together, but breakfast and especially dinner were their shared meals. Kate’s father had never been a big “breakfast person” by his own admission, preferring to have only coffee and perhaps a piece of fruit in the middle of the morning. He did sit with them as they ate and talked and sometimes listened to the morning news, though more often than not it just felt too overwhelming to hear about how many hundreds of people had died in the New York area the day before.

Before her injury, Kate’s eating habits varied quite wildly thanks to how she’d adapted to cop life of eating when she was hungry and not on any set schedule. If she had been woken from sleep in the wee hours thanks to a body dropping, she usually was eating something between six and seven a.m., after she’d returned to her desk to write up her crime scene report. If she didn’t need to be at her desk until nine, she usually started with coffee and then, like her father, had fruit or a pastry mid-morning. During her recovery time, when she needed to fuel her body so it would continue healing, had probably been the most consistent she’d eaten breakfast since childhood, and she learned that maybe that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing since it prevented her from making poorer choices later on in the day. Then again, sometimes the poor choices were the fun ones.

As she poured batter and flipped pancakes that morning, Kate thought more than once that she had probably overtaken a bit more work than she realized; she didn’t think she’d made breakfast for more than two people since college, but she made it work—and definitely earned her small stack of pancakes by the time she was done.

While they ate, they talked about the weather and Castle began throwing out ideas for them to pass the time that day since going outside wasn’t really an option. They had been lucky to that point in summer; it had not rained that much and if it did, it was only during the morning or afternoon, not both. That was one of their first days that was a complete washout. After discussing it, they agreed for everyone to have a few hours to themselves to clean up and get ready, but then reconvene around eleven so they could play a group game.

Before the group parted, Kate checked to see if anyone would be using the laundry room, but no one was, so she threw in a load of her and her father’s clothing and then busied herself cleaning up the kitchen while she waited to move the load from the washer to the dryer. Since for so many weeks she hadn’t been able to assist in chores at all, now that she was able to move around and, more importantly, free of nearly all of her movement restrictions she felt compelled to pitch in as much as she could.

Promptly at eleven the quartet gathered in the sitting area where Castle, as their self-appointed activities coordinator, stood in front of the seating area and clapped his hands together. “Okay, team, are we ready for a rainy day of fun?”

“Team?” Kate repeated, brow arched.

His shoulders sunk slightly and he confessed, “Yeah, I didn’t think that sounded right. Group? Squad? Gang?”

“Just get to the game, Castle,” Kate said with a slight eyeroll.

Grinning, Castle rubbed his hands together as though he were about to announce a devious plan. “Ah yes, the game—the game of all challenging games!” From behind the couch he pulled out a box and held it up high enough for everyone to see. Immediately his mother and daughter groaned.

“Well, I’m out, kiddo,” Martha announced, pushing herself up from the couch and walking out of the seating area. “I’m going to pour myself an adult beverage and then I’ll watch from a safe distance.”

“I didn’t realize Scrabble was a contact sport,” Jim joked.

Martha looked at him pointedly. “With my son, it’s war.”

“Suit yourself, Mother. Is everyone else in?” Castle asked. The group all mumbled out agreements and Castle excitedly walked to the center of the seating area and began to set the board up on the coffee table. “Alexis? Will you be my scorekeeper?”

“Sure, Dad.”

Since Kate had heard Castle boasting about his Scrabble skills for several years, she had expected him to play well, but he more or less dominated from the first round. Alexis, clearly used to keeping her father on her toes, also played well. Kate came in last and blamed it on an abysmal group of letters that resulted in her having no vowels three rounds in a row. Thanks to the aggressive play of the Castle father-daughter team, their game was over very quickly with Castle the clear winner. Since it went so fast, he suggested they play three games back-to-back and everyone agreed.

During the second game, Castle had the misfortune of pulling an “X” when they all chose letters to see who would play first. This meant he went fourth. Kate wasn’t sure if this early loss shook his confidence or, like her first round, he just had a miserable group of letters to work with. Either way, he played poorly and ended up in third place, bested by both Alexis and her father, who ended up in first but only by three points.

When a school friend called her, Alexis decided to sit out the third game so she could chat. Kate took over as scorekeeper. Though she remained in last place, the score was much tighter during that round. As they were getting down to their last rounds of tiles, Kate began to notice Castle looking rather anxious and wondered if he was looking for a way to play a word with a high point score. Before his next turn, though, Jim shocked them all by using all seven of his letters and an “S” already on the board to form the word “crossings.” While Jim smiled demurely at the play, Kate and Castle’s jaws dropped and Martha punched the air in a cheer.

“Ho-ho! Finally, a worthy adversary for my son!”

“Would you believe I haven’t played scrabble in probably ten or so years,” Jim said with a light chuckle.

Meanwhile, Castle continued to stare at his tiles with disbelief. “I can’t believe I lost.”

“You didn’t lose yet, Castle. It’s your turn and you still have tiles to play.”

He curled his lip with annoyance. “First, I was waiting to use that “S” and second…the best word I could play was only five letters.”

“Well come up with something else,” Kate said positively. Ultimately, he did, but the point value paled in comparison to what Jim had gained, so her father ended up winning their three-game challenge. Kate found this particularly amusing as he had never really been very competitive during games they played together during her childhood; yet, he had bested someone who had never been shy about boasting over his word knowledge.

Though it took him several minutes to recover, Castle ultimately shook Jim’s hand in congratulated him on his win before suggesting they grab some food and move on to his next plan: movie watching.

“Did you pick the movie or is that up for a vote?” Kate asked as she gathered up letters and returned them to the Scrabble box.

“I have made what I feel is an excellent film choice.” Castle left them hanging for a moment while he went to the cabinet beneath the TV and retrieved a DVD box. He held it up proudly and Alexis, now off the phone, groaned.

“ _Twenty-eight Days Later_ , Dad?”

“Yes. It’s relevant.”

“It’s depressing,” she retorted. “I don’t want to watch that.”

The writer frowned. “I thought it might be good for research.”

“To remind us that things could get even worse? I don’t think so. I’ll pass too, darling,” his mother said, before leaving the sitting area and going into the kitchen.

Figuring her father would probably decline to watch as well, Kate said, “I’ll watch with you, Castle.”

He looked at her a bit glumly and said, “Don’t feel like you have to…”

She shook her head and said, “No, it’s okay. A movie sounds nice on a day like today and I don’t mind the subject matter.”

“Great! Let’s get something to eat first.”

* * *

“This is okay, right?” Castle asked as he led the way up to the sitting area in his bedroom. He hadn’t thought anything of it when he made the decision a few minutes earlier—his main goal had been to allow the rest of their cohabitators to use the main room of the house since they were uninterested in his movie selection. It was only as they were going up the stairs that he realized he had effectively invited Kate to be in the same space as his bed. Even if his motives were one hundred percent innocent, the last thing he wanted was for her to be uncomfortable.

“Fine,” she said as she trailed along behind him.

“Great. I just didn’t want to bother anyone else with our educational movie.”

“Educational, Castle?” she asked, her tone indicating suspicion.

“Sure. Possibly.” Okay, education probably would not be part of the equation, but he had to admit being intrigued as to how their current situation might compare with that of the movie’s apocalyptic. He pushed open the double doors leading into the owner’s suite and walked forward to the sitting area to put down the plate he carried with his sandwich without much thought until he heard Kate gasp behind him.

“Oh, Castle this is…wow.”

He remembered then that she hadn’t actually seen his bedroom during her brief tour of the house. He’d skipped it when he saw how tired she was getting, so this was her first glimpse of his space.

“Go ahead and look around while I set this up—I’ve got nothing to hide.”

“Where’s the—oh.” Her voice cut off presumably when she saw him fiddling with the TV, which was set up on a rolling bar cart currently pushed towards the foot of the bed.

“Yeah, that’s the only thing about this bedroom that’s frustrating: the layout makes it hard to put a TV somewhere where you could see it from bed and from the sitting area, so I put it on this cart. It works, though the extension cord can be a bit annoying.”

“Right.”

He rolled the TV back towards the entryway and set it up facing the loveseat and chair that sat in front of the wall-mounted fireplace. Once he’d wiggled it into a position he was satisfied with, he tugged at the extension cord and plugged it into the closest wall outlet. Then he walked back towards the coffee table to grab the DVD but froze at the sight of Kate standing in front of the glass balcony doors as she looked out onto the rain-soaked beach. A wave of emotion washed through him so strongly that it took his breath away. It took him a moment to place it, but when he did he realized it was hope—that there would be a time, possibly in the not too distant future, when that bedroom would not just be his but _theirs_.

“This room is beautiful Castle. Very…calming.”

“Well thank you but—oh!” he gasped upon realizing what was missing. “I haven’t yet shown you the best part.”

He scurried to his right and flipped the switch on the wall that illuminated the nautical-themed fireplace. One it illuminated she “Ahh-ed” appropriately and then he finished setting up their movie. He allowed Kate to sit on the small love seat while he sat on the chair and polished off his pastrami sandwich.

About an hour into the movie, he was feeling hungry once more and decided to surprise his companion with some of the goodies he had stashed in his room. He walked over to the shelves to the left of the fireplace, which held books and various beach-themed decor including a large metal canister that was meant to appear decorative, but also was his secret hiding spot.

“What are you doing?” she asked just before he returned to the seating area.

“Just getting some goodies,” he replied before setting a box of graham crackers, a Hershey’s chocolate bar, and a small Tupperware containing large marshmallows onto the coffee table.

Kate immediately laughed and gazed up with him with no small amount of surprise. “Castle. You have the makings for s’mores in your bedroom?”

He grinned childishly. “Well, there is a fire.”

“Wow.”

He began opening the packages and assembling their treat while absentmindedly explaining the other features of his expansive bedroom suite. “There’s also a mini fridge in the walk-in closet that could fit some wine bottles. All that’s in there right now is some water and a bottle of whipped cr—never mind.” He quickly cut off what he was saying then turned away from her, certain his cheeks were blushing.

 _Shit_ why had he said that?! There was only one obvious reason for whipped cream in a bedroom and his can had been used for that exact purpose…though, not that he thought about it, that purpose had taken place nine months prior so that can really needed to be thrown away… Regardless, even though he and Kate were not a couple they were (hopefully) going to be a couple one day and he’d just broken one of the cardinal rules of couple-dome: talking in detail about sexual experiences with others.

As he reached for one of the long sticks he used to roast the marshmallows he heard Kate ask, “So, uh, you bring lots of women up here, huh? I bet they’re all very impressed.”

With his back still to her, he once again cursed under his breath. He had to say something in response, but what was there to say? He didn’t want to lie to her, but even if he did it wouldn’t work. So many of his past escapades had been splashed all over _Page Six_ they were mostly common knowledge anyway. He wouldn’t say that he was ashamed of those times because they had certainly been fun in the moment, but he also had no problem leaving them in the past. After all, most of the fun he’d had inviting dates up to his mansion was to distract himself from the pain of past heartbreak in admittedly unhealthy at times ways. Now, he was trying to be the best person he could be and looked forward to the days when there was only one woman sharing his can of bedroom whipped cream.

As he held the long stick into the fireplace, he glanced over his shoulder and said, “Well, I wouldn’t say lots of women. There were some, but I can tell you with confidence that I never had any bedroom s’mores with them.” He had intended his comment to show how special she was to him, but when he heard himself say the words they didn’t sound quite right and that was confirmed by the flummoxed look on Kate’s face.

“Calling them bedroom s’mores make them sound so dirty.”

He huffed and turned his focus back to the marshmallows, so they didn’t burn, “Yeah I heard it as it came out. I won’t say it again.” She laughed.

A minute later, he pulled their drooping sweets out of the fire and quickly placed them atop a graham cracker, then sat beside her as they assembled their s’mores. “Cheers,” he said holding his up in salute to her. She did the same and then they laughed together as they ate the gooey mess.

“I think this is why you’re supposed to eat them outside, not over what I assume is a several-thousand-dollar rug,” Kate pointed out as she desperately tried not to drop any of the crumbs from the quickly-crumbling graham cracker.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he retorted with a wink. Then, as they finished their treats, he nodded to the direction behind the bed and said, “Go rinse your hands in the bathroom if you need to.”

“Thanks,” she said before standing and disappearing around the other side of the bed. When she returned a minute later, she said, “My god, Castle; that tub looks amazing.”

“It is, but the shower’s better—it has full body massaging jets!”

“I’m jealous,” she said as she curled back up on the sofa.

He opened his mouth of offer for her to use either, but then thought better of it; he’d put his foot into his mouth enough times that afternoon already.

They watched the remainder of the movie without making too many comments or moving from their seats. When it was over, Castle stood so he could remove the DVD from the player. As he did so, he heard Kate ask, “So what’s your take on this whole thing going on right now? I feel like we haven’t talked about it in depth too much.”

He turned, flashing her a wry smile. “Well…you said you were feeling overwhelmed; I figured doomsday talk wouldn’t be well received.”

She nodded. “Fair enough, but let’s talk about it now.”

He skimmed his fingers over his jaw as he sat beside her again. “Well…it’s crazy, that’s for sure. I…I’ve been doing some research into the last pandemic—the flu in 1918. To compare and contrast that with what we’ve got going on now is interesting. On one hand, we obviously have vastly better medical knowledge and better medical facilities to handle large volumes of patients…but on the other hand, we’re probably thousands of times more mobile now. Back then they still traveled a lot by horse. Cars existed, but they weren’t widely owned by any stretch of the imagination and the ones people did have didn’t travel very fast or very far. Now, we’re flying to multiple continents on a single day. Obviously—that’s how this thing even got to us from China.”

She shook her head, a worrisome expression on her face. “It’s scary because...how do you contain it?”

“That’s the thing: you can’t. They’re talking about vaccines, and that will certainly help but…I don’t know, scary as it sounds part of me wonders if this thing just needs to run its course.”

Kate’s brow rose. “You think that would work?”

He shrugged. “I have absolutely no idea. Certainly, the daily death tolls we’re seeing out of the New York area are frightening, but if a vaccine doesn’t work, or can’t work on this type of virus, we may not have a choice? But thankfully we don’t have to worry about that right now.”

She nodded. “Right, because we’re all safe here. Thanks to you.”

Castle felt his cheeks blush slightly at her kind tone. Wanting to deflect the attention he gave a little shrug and said “Oh, well…”

“No, Castle.” Her tone was serious as she slid closer and reached out to place her hand over his. “I know I struggled with it at first, but now that I have some clarity, I realize how much harder my recovery would have been in Manhattan, where I couldn’t have even safely gone into the hallway of my building let alone outside. I can’t even fathom how difficult and isolating that would have been, so thank you for letting me stay here. I know I haven’t said that enough—I should have told you every day.”

He flipped his hand over so he could give hers a little squeeze. “Of course, Kate; there wasn’t even a question. It was just the right thing to do.”

She held his gaze for another few seconds, and he wondered briefly if she was going to say something else, but she didn’t. She ultimately took her hand back and said, “Well, um, thanks again for the movie. I think I’m going to go read for a little bit.”

“Sure,” he replied. Then, he watched her go, his mind filled with thoughts about what the coming days, and months, would bring.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

With the appropriate cleaning brush in hand, Castle popped on his sunglasses and headed out the back door towards the grill, which had been woefully ignored since their July 4th celebration a few days prior. He’d been negligent on his cleaning duties due to a variety of reasons, not least of which being on the actual day of he’d gotten a little bit drunker than he’d intended. Thankfully, that just resulted in him passing out on the couch at seven and being effectively worthless for the rest of the evening. Fireworks woke him up around ten, but who wanted to clean the grill in the dark?

In the day’s since, he had been struggling if he was being entirely honest. When the stay-at-home order started in early May, not one of them could have predicted that it would last to the mid-summer holiday or beyond. Yet, there they were, with the orders extended through Labor Day, hospitals filled with dying patients, and many more suffering due to financial or social hardships.

Rationally Castle knew that he was extremely fortunate compared to most. He had a home that not only allowed him distance from the worst concentration of the virus but was large enough to keep his family and friends safe as well. Plus, they could be outside on the deck or in the yard without fear of contracting anything, whereas back in Manhattan they would have been entirely confined to the apartment. Despite this, as the Independence Day milestone passed, he felt sadness and disappointment creeping in.

He’d had so many plans for that summer, including going on a little road trip with Alexis up to Maine and perhaps taking a week-long trip to somewhere else beachy and interesting. Typically, in July he took a break from whatever book planning he was doing and spent the month doing research on a new subject that interested him knowing he might or might not use it in a book, but he liked the opportunity to further his knowledge. That was still possible for him to do, of course, but he felt weight down by the monotony of the same day-to-day routine. He was just bored of it. He wanted to _do something_ that wasn’t cooking a meal or sitting in his own back yard even if he knew that was terrible because so many of his friends in Manhattan didn’t have a back yard to sit in.

Though he’d yet to find something that successfully pulled him out of his funk, he knew without question that the one bright spot of his situation was Kate. No matter how bored he felt of the four walls in his office, catching a glimpse of her smile made his heart feel like he was soaring high above the waves and sand. It always had, but now even more so. They were _living together_ , a notion that sometimes he even struggled to believe. True, it wasn’t in the romantic sense, but even in his wildest fantasies he could not have imaged them cohabitating the way that they currently are. (Granted, his wildest fantasies didn’t really involve global pandemics—or Kate taking a bullet to the chest.)

Now that her shooting was two months behind them, he could see small improvements in her every day, from the way she walked to the number of smiles she gave him. He also figured that the therapy she was doing with her NYPD shrink aided in all of that. He was genuinely proud of her for everything she had accomplished in both her physical and mental recovery and grateful for the pandemic situation for affording him the opportunity to experience both those things with her. Though he felt guilty being happy about any part of an even that left tens of thousands dead across the globe, it was literally the only scenario in which he and Kate would have been able to spend as much time together as they had.

As Castle scrubbed the grill, he thought about what activity he might partake in that might be interesting enough to pull him out of his funk. He wasn’t much into crafts and had never really picked up on the sewing skills his mother tried to force on him during his youth. He had plenty of electronic toys like cars and flying helicopters, but none of them sounded interesting. He thought perhaps he could order more jigsaw puzzles as their quartet had already gone through the ones they kept stored at the beach house, but he’d also heard they were sold out most places.

He was still contemplating ideas when he caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eye. Looking up, he saw Kate approaching from the dune wearing an army green tank top and denim shorts, carrying one of their disposable masks in her hand. The wind whipped at her hair, blowing it back into her face and she used her free hand to brush some of it out of her eyes. Without being able to go to a salon safely, her hair grew wild and long with the sea air causing it to curl beautifully. God, no matter how many times he saw her he was always captivated, and he hoped that never changed.

He turned back to his scrubbing for a moment, but then caught sight of his watch and realized it was nearly lunchtime. He thought back for a moment about when he’d last seen Kate and immediately felt concerned. How long had she been walking on that beach? Yes, her stamina was steadily improving, but that didn’t mean he was not still worried about her recovery.

“Hey,” he called out as she ascended the stairs to the deck. “Are you just getting back now? How long were you gone?”

Flipping her hair out of her face once more, she gave him an irritated look. “Not that long _Dad_. Hey, did you go taller while I was out?”

He twisted his lips to the side, mirroring her expression. “I was just asking a question, _Katie_ ,” he threw back at her.

She laughed. “I was gone, I don’t know, about an hour, but I wasn’t walking that whole time—I was sitting by the water. See,” she said pointed as she spun around and showed him the rear side of her shorts and legs, both of which were coated in sand.

“Okay, okay,” he sighed. Though he still worried what her ratio of walking to sitting was during that time, he decided to drop the subject.

As he finished cleaning, she walked over to use the hose on the deck and rinsed off the backs of her legs. Then she spent several minutes smacking at the back of her shorts to get the sand off before sitting in a chair near the grill.

“So, what will you be grilling today?”

“Oh…nothing. I just didn’t want to put off cleaning this any longer,” he explained. “I actually have a pork loin marinating in the fridge; figured that would be dinner.”

She hummed. “You know, I am equal parts jealous of and impressed by your cooking skills.”

He laughed. “Well…it’s taking me decades to acquire my skills—literally. I started in my early teens out of necessity. One can only suffer through so much food poisoning without finding a better way. Or, in my case, also being mildly paranoid Mother was actually trying to kill me.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” she said. He gave her a look and she laughed. “Okay, maybe it was.”

“You’re right though—I do enjoy it. I find it, relaxing, oddly enough. Though…admittedly I haven’t done quite this much of it…ever.” He finished with a laugh.

“Well, maybe someday you can teach me some of your skills,” she said casually. Then, she walked back inside leaving him on the deck, watching her go, and sending out a silent wish to the universe that one day that would actually happen.

* * *

As she turned the page to the next chapter in her book, Kate grabbed the bookmark that was sitting in her lap, stuck it in, and then shut the book. She’d been waiting until the end of that chapter to take a break and use the bathroom, but it had been surprisingly long and now she _really_ needed to get up. Without much thought she uncrossed her legs, planted her feet on the floor and moved to stand but immediately groaned and flopped back down. Good lord, why were her legs exceptionally painful?

For a moment, she began to panic, wondering if the searing pain in her calves was some bizarre, delayed side-effect from the heart medication she hadn’t been on for six weeks. She wiggled her fingers and toes searching for other symptoms when the real reason for her pain dawned on her: her near hour-long walk on the beach across uneven sand. She’d felt some burning in her calves as she walked, which was why she’d sat and taken a several minute break to watch the waves, but then felt mostly fine on her way back to the house so she hadn’t thought much of it again. Now it appeared the muscle soreness was setting in.

Kate grumbled to herself as she tried to stand again. She knew she’d pushed it a little hard on her walk that morning, walking nearly double the amount of time she had been doing. It had just been such a beautiful day and she felt good with regards to her cardiovascular stamina. She was never short of breath or felt the need to rest due to exhaustion, just because of a little tightness in her legs, which made sense. As a New Yorker she was used to walking several miles a day just to complete her regular routine. Since she had been shot she’d hardly walked a fraction of that, so naturally her legs weren’t used to the exertion. She thought maybe they’d be a little sore, but this was ridiculous—she could barely walk!

She managed to hobble her way to the bathroom, each step more painful than the last. She stared down at her legs as though she might find a magic button to take the pain away. Sadly, none existed, so while she washed her hands she thought about her plan of action. Ibuprofen was obviously step one, but then what? Perhaps some stretching might help loosen the muscles up. Either that or she’d just curl up in bed and hope that the rest would make them feel better in the morning.

Exiting the bathroom, Kate began the slow trek into the foyer so she could get the pain meds out of her room, but the mere sight of the stairs made her breakout into a cold sweat. God, if flat ground was this difficult, how was she going to go _up_. She was contemplating going back to the method of going up the stairs while seated that she was forced to use during the early days of her recovery when she heard the most unfortunate sound.

“Kate? Wha…what are you doing?”

Castle, who had evidently been in his office, came into the hall and spotted her mid-hobble.

She spun around, trying her best not to wince, and said, “Oh, I’m fine. Just a little sore.”

He arched one brow. “A little sore?”

She shifted her feet and winced at the sharp pain in her leg. “I, um, may have overdone it walking a bit. Turns out walking across sand is a lot harder on your calves than walking in the driveway,” she added with a light laugh.

“No kidding,” he quipped. Then, concern crossing his face, he said, “Do you want me to help you upstairs?”

“No, no I’ll be fine. I, just, um, was going to take some pain meds and then…sit somewhere and not move for awhile.” She forced a laugh while dusting her hands across her brow, feeling embarrassed for her predicament and also recognizing that it was a little bit ridiculous.

“I can massage your legs if you’d like?”

“Ah, no,” she began, feeling her face and neck flush, “That’s…that’s weird, right?”

“Not if you leave your clothes on,” he said then immediately cringed. “Wow, sorry, that was supposed to sound more jokey than creepy.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on his face. “Well, um, thanks for the offer, but it’s fine. I’ll just—ah!” She let out a little yelp when she took another step and felt her calf completely seize up.

“Suffer unnecessarily?”

“Yes,” she said matter-of-factly. She wasn’t even sure if a massage would be helpful or more painful at that point. Besides, Castle rubbing her legs seemed quite intimate and they weren’t intimate…were they? Well, no, not in the traditional sense because they didn’t have sex or even kiss, but they certainly had some level of closeness. They were friends—trying to get back to the best friends place they were in before things had fallen apart. Did best friends massage each other’s legs? She thought about that possibility with Lanie and decided it would be weird. Then, after two more steps of agony she began to reconsider.

Almost say if he’d heard her thoughts, Castle sighed out, “Beckett.”

Turning, caused her to wince again and she said, “Well, um, maybe just a few minutes?”

He smiled and said, “Go take your pain meds; I’ll be up soon.”

“Oh, don’t rush; it’ll take me awhile to get up these stairs,” she quipped.

Kate’s first step on the stair told her it was going to be a difficult journey. She tried her best to pull herself up with her right arm on the banister rather than pushing up with her feet, but she knew that wasn’t good because she was still supposed to use only limited resistance on her upper body, even on her “good” side. She then had the idea to go up the stairs sideways, which would allow her to lift her leg more with her hip and keep her foot flat. While that still didn’t feel great, it was an improvement. It was also a slow process, so Castle caught up to her just as she was finishing her ascent.

“Don’t laugh at me,” she grumbled upon sight of the smile he was clearly trying to hide.

“I’m not laughing.”

“Yeah, but you want to.” She sighed once she reached the second floor and began the agonizing trek to her bedroom. “I’m so out of shape, Castle.”

“You’ve been recovering from a serious injury,” he reminded her.

“I know, but…” She huffed out a breath at the lingering frustration she felt. She knew all things considered she was doing well. She was able to walk, dress, and bathe by herself. With each passing day she felt less tired and weary. She’d been cleared to use up to five pounds of weight in each hand and had incorporated that into her physical therapy workouts, which made her feel stronger. Both her doctors and therapists continually told her how pleased they were with her progress and right from the start her cardiologist had warned that it could take six months or more for her to be back to the place she was before the shooting. While she understood she was moving in a good direction, she did feel a bit frustrated that she couldn’t simply go for a walk on the beach without deeply regretting it.

“I know it’s frustrating, Kate, but you’ve been doing so well. We’re all so proud of you. You’ll get back to where you were—it’ll just take a little more time.”

She smiled at him, appreciative of his words, and then walked over to the nightstand where she kept the bottle of ibuprofen. She took two pills and then looked at Castle expectantly. As the massage had been his idea, she figured he was the one who would dictate how to execute it.

“Why don’t you go ahead and lay down—however you’re comfortable,” he suggested.

Kate knelt down on the bed and grabbed one of her pillows. She lay on her right side with the pillow against her chest and her left arm draped over it. It was a bit of a strange position for sleeping, but she had adapted to it as it made her left side feel more comfortable. She did generally sleep mostly on her back, but she knew that wouldn’t be as easy for him to access her calves for a massage.

“I can use this lotion over here, right?” he asked. She lifted her head and saw he stood in front of the chest of drawers where there was a bottle of lotion Lanie had sent in her “get well soon” package shortly after she left the hospital.

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Great.”

She felt the end of the bed sink slightly with his weight and then a moment later his hands were on her left calf. Her gut reaction was to yelp in pain.

“Woah sorry—too much pressure?”

“A bit,” she whimpered. “They’re just very tight.”

“I’ll go slow then.” He returned his hands to her legs, that time starting around her ankle and very, very softly making his way up towards her knee. She still felt a little bit of discomfort, but it was tolerable, and she hoped his actions would help loosen up her legs, so she didn’t say anything.

As his hands worked, the citrusy scent of the lotion hit her nostrils and she thought about Lanie and what she might say about Castle’s massage. She imagined it might be along the lines of, “It’s about damn time.” Imagining Lanie’s sassy tone while she said those words made Kate smile.

Unfortunately, due to the horrors of the pandemic, the morgue and thus her good friend was as busy as ever. Due to Lanie working extra hours and the physical and emotional exhaustion that came along with it, the two friends had not had many opportunities to catch up over the prior few weeks. They would send a few texts back and forth every few days, with Lanie checking in to make sure her recovery was going well, but that was the best that they could do. Kate hadn’t even been able to get Lanie’s full reaction to the fact that she was effectively living with Castle, which disappointed her because she knew it would be amusing. All Lanie had said on the subject was that she was so glad Kate was able to leave the city in her vulnerable state.

“Is this pressure okay?” Castle asked softly as he moved from her left leg to her right.

“Mmmhmm,” she hummed.

As Castle’s fingers tried to work the kinks out of her other calf, Kate’s thoughts once again drifted to Lanie and how horrifying her job was at that moment. She thought about what her life would have been like if she had been back in the city—if Castle hadn’t offered to take her out to the Hamptons or if simply if he hadn’t another place to go other than his apartment. She would have had to go to her father’s place since it had two bedrooms and there was no way she would have been able to be alone those first few weeks out of the hospital. Presumably, he would have had to leave to pick up food and other supplies and it would have been terrifying each time. She imagined they both would have been constantly worried about catching the virus and probably very frustrated with each other since they were effectively living on top of each other.

Thinking of that potential scenario and the surrounding anxiety and unpleasantness it would have brough, Kate felt an overwhelming gratitude for Castle and his family for allowing her and her father to stay with them. It was entirely possible they had saved her life by doing so. At the very least, they saved her from more suffering and unpleasantness, for which she would always be grateful.

As these thoughts filtered through her mind, Castle moved his massaging from her calf area to her foot. When his thumbs pressed against a sore spot near her arch she didn’t even know existed, she let out an involuntary moan. When the sound she made hit her ears her eyes popped open for it had sounded a little more “sexual” than “relaxed.” Since Castle’s fingers had stopped moving, she figured he had interrupted it similarly, so she lifted her head to look at him. When their gazes met, both burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry,” Kate said immediately.

“No, no it’s fine—I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“You should.”

He hummed and continued to rub her feet.

“Thanks for doing this Castle. It actually feels really good.”

“You doubted my skills?”

She shook her head. “Not at all—I meant from my end. I…don’t always like massages. Rather, I don’t always find them to be relaxing, but this is nice.” Though she never would have spoken the real reason aloud, she did acknowledge it to herself. Part of the reason she struggled to relax during a massage was the element of trust, which she typically did not have with a complete stranger. With Castle, however, her trust and faith in him was unwavering, so it made sense she could fully relax with his hands massaging her body.

“Then maybe you should close your eyes and keep relaxing,” he said pointedly.

She gave a smile then did as he asked. “Okay…for a little bit…,” she said, but within just another few minutes she had fallen to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Castle had barely placed one foot out onto the deck when he felt a fresh sheen of sweat coat his brow. He grimaced and swiped at it with the back of his hand before shutting the door to the house behind him so as not to waste the air conditioning. The sweat now beginning to drip down is neck, he gazed out across his back yard. The sun had set an hour before so nothing could be seen, but he could still hear the waves crashing against the sand.

Feeling more perspiration on his brow, he took a sip of the cool beer in his hands, but it did little to improve how he felt. For the prior few days, the Northeast had been pummeled with an unrelenting heat wave, with temperatures climbing into the triple digits each day. Even then, after nine o’clock, the mercury had barely dipped into the nineties and they weren’t supposed to get relief from the heat for another two days.

Due to heat and humidity of each day that was, most unfortunately, coupled with bright, unforgiving sunshine, being outside during the daytime hours had been more or less impossible for everyone in the household. Even soaking in the pool did little to abate one’s suffering. Most of his housemates had done their best to stay indoors, even if it made them a little grumpy, but Castle was beginning to feel claustrophobic, so he decided to spend at least some of the evening outside—even if that meant he had to shower before getting into bed.

As he walked across the deck, he spotted Kate stretched out in one of the lounge chairs with a book in her lap. She had been the bravest of all of them, still insisting on doing her morning pool workout or walk despite the baking sun. She insisted that years of walking a beat in a police uniform had acclimated her to uncomfortable temps, but she did still spend the bulk of the day inside.

He drifted towards where she sat and noticed the ice in her water glass had long since melted. Heck, in these temps the water was probably almost boiling, or at the least very unpalatable. “Want me to get you something cold to drink?” he offered.

She glanced up at him then looked to her glass and shrugged. “No, I think I’m okay.”

“You sure? It’s gross out here. And this new microbrew I got isn’t half bad,” he said referring to his latest delivery of alcohol, which for some reason began to have supply chain issues just as the problems they had with limited food stock seemed to be improving. They’d had a pretty decent stash of wine at the house upon arrival, but his mother had moved through that fairly quickly. As she outright refused to drink beer, her options were becoming more and more limited.

Kate peered at the bottle curiously and he turned it so she could read the label. “Can I try it?”

“Sure,” he said, handing over the bottle without hesitation. She took a sip and then pulled a face that made him laugh. “Yeah, it took a while to grow on me.”

“No thanks,” she said as he handed back the bottle.

“I can get you something else…”

“No, I’m fine; thank you.”

He sat down beside her as she rearranged in her seat, so she was less reclined and sitting more upright. As she moved, the front of her tank top sagged in the middle so he could catch a glimpse of the bullet wound between her breasts. He knew that she was self-conscious about it because of how often he noticed her pulling up the neck of a t-shirt or the straps of a tank top, though she never actually said anything about it aloud. He’d seen it in the open only once when she’d fallen in the shower and he’d rushed in to help her. In that moment he was so concerned she might have been injured his brain barley registered anything beyond it looking like a dark colored circular scab.

Since then, he’d only seen a few glimpses. He tried to never openly stare at her breasts as that was impolite (and, frankly, something she would definitely smack him for), but occasionally when she was adjusting her top his eyes were naturally drawn to the spot. He had to admit being curious to see it up close not because of its location but simply for the fact that it was a bullet wound and he was curious as to what they looked like as they healed. It did make him sad she seemed ashamed of it though because in his mind there was no reason for it. It was proof of her survival and if for no other reason that meant it should have been celebrated.

A few minutes later, Kate tossed her book towards the end of the chaise lounge and looked up at him with an expression that indicated annoyance. “Not a good book?” he guessed.

“The main character is making dumb choices and it’s frustrating.”

He hummed. “Hmm yeah I hate that. I hope my books never do that to my readers… I mean, unless I intentionally want Derrick or Nikki to do something dumb,” he added with a wink.

“Right. I think I’m just extra annoyed because I’d previously tried to read a different book from this author and I had the same results—dumb plot decisions that didn’t make sense. But I thought I’d give them another chance and, surprise, surprise, the same thing is happening again.”

“Yeah, I get that.” He let a beat go by before asking, “Who would you say your favorite author is—other than me of course.”

She rolled her eyes at him then looked pensive for a moment. “You know… I’m not sure that I have one. That is: I don’t typically follow authors to the point where I’m checking for a new release and going out to get it right away-”

“Except with me,” he interjected cheekily.

“Well, no—I don’t have to get your new ones; you send them to me.”

He laughed. “Touché.”

“But, no, I like to go into a used bookstore and browse and pick up a few titles that look good.”

He placed his hand on his chest and gasped in a faux dramatic way. “You mean you…judge those books by their covers?”

“Ha-ha,” she retorted. “Obviously I’m reading the summaries as well.”

“I see. So then…what’s your favorite book?”

“Oh gosh Castle I don’t know if I could pick one…I loved so many of them for different reasons.”

“Okay then, I’ll narrow it down: favorite book of mine.”

She shook her head as she bit down on her lower lip. “Always fishing for compliments.”

“Who me?” He faked innocence. “Never.”

“Well then how about you tell me your favorite book.”

“Oh, that’s easy— _Casino Royale_.”

“Interesting choice. Why that one?”

“Because it was the book that made me become a writer. I was just so captivated with all of it that I couldn’t help but think…this is what I want to do. I want to do this for others.”

A smile slowly crept across her face. “That’s really neat, Castle. And you know…I don’t think I’ve ever read that book.”

“You should! I think I have a copy here in the house somewhere that you could borrow.”

“Thanks; I’d like that.”

“Of course. Hmm okay, favorite book is a difficult question, I admit, but how about: favorite place to read?”

She arched a brow at him. “Are you interrogating me now, Castle?”

“Not at all, Beckett; these questions are conversation starters,” he said knowingly. Then, more hesitantly he added, “Unless you want to go back to reading…”

She gazed at him for several moments—long enough to cause more sweat droplets to fall from his hairline—but then she smiled and said, “No, we can definitely talk for a little bit.”

For almost the next hour they talked about their favorites in a variety of genres. Some answers he already knew or had guessed the answer, but others he was excited to learn about. When they started talking about their favorite vacations was when he posed a different type of question.

“Okay, okay—would you rather never go on a beach vacation again or only go on beach vacations for the rest of your life?”

She laughed. “Why would I ever have to make that choice?”

“Because we’re playing the would-you-rather question game.”

“Are we?”

He grinned. “Sure. So, pick one.”

She groaned and raked her fingers back through her hair. “I do like the beach, but there are so many places I want to go that aren’t anywhere near one.”

“Like where?”

“Rome, Prague, Dublin…”

“Dublin’s on the coast so I’m sure there’s a beach there somewhere,” he pointed out.

She narrowed her gaze. “That feels like manipulating the rules, but even still: there are lots of places I want to see that are inland.”

He nodded. “So, no more beach for you.”

“But then I could never come back here,” she said sadly.

Castle’s jaw dropped slightly when he realized she might have been thinking of him in conjunction with her vacation plans. Exploring new parts of the world with Kate Beckett sounded like a dream come true and he couldn’t wait to do it. Of course, there were no actual restrictions on what they could do, they were just playing a silly little game, so he tried to keep the mood light. “Well…you could, you just couldn’t set foot on the sand.”

She laughed. “But I could still use the pool?”

“Oh yeah—that would fall within the rules of the game.”

“You’re crazy!” she accused, still laughing.

“But you already knew that. C’mon—ask me something now. Something ‘would you rather.’”

“Uh…okay.” She hesitated for several moments before saying, “Would you rather lose your sense of sight or sense of hearing?”

“Ohh tough one.” He considered for several seconds before saying, “Hearing, I think. Either would be awful, but with sight I could still do my writing and I could learn to read lips.”

“Yeah, I agree on that one.”

“Okay…next… oh! Would you rather have excessive body hair or excessive body odor?”

“Castle!” she scolded, though she was laughing.

“What? Hairy or stinky Beckett—you gotta pick one!”

She scrunched her nose. “Oh…this is gross…but I guess hairy?”

He laughed. “You’d look pretty interesting with a beard.”

Groaning she covered her face with her hands. “I don’t know what freaks me out more: the beard or the back hair, but…I don’t want to smell.”

“Me neither. Okay, now you ask something.”

Their “would you rather” game continued for awhile longer with Kate struggling to come up with questions and Castle’s growing progressively more outlandish. Eventually they switched to just talking about random things as the night wore on and the temperature mercifully began to drop.

At one point, Castle snorted himself awake and realized he’d fallen asleep with his chin dropped down against his chest. Looking at his watch it was seven minutes after two in the morning and he cursed to himself. Still trying to orient himself from being suddenly awake, he turned his head and saw Kate was asleep as well. Unfortunately, had no idea how long either of them had been that way, but it had probably been at least an hour. Not wanting her to spend the night outside alone, he moved over to sit on the edge of her chair and gently brushed his fingertips across her jawline. “Kate? Kate, we fell asleep.”

She snuffled and her eyes popped open. “Hmm what? Where…we fell asleep!” she realized with a gasp.

“Yeah, it’s after two.”

“Oh no,” she laughed. She stretched her neck to one side as she sat up. Wincing slightly, she brought her hand up to rub it as she concluded, “Guess we should go to bed.”

“Yeah, you go on up; I’ll make sure everything is locked and the lights are off.”

“Okay. Night Castle.”

“Night,” he echoed.

* * *

Sitting at the kitchen table with her second mug of coffee, Kate used the back of her hand to shield what must have been her twentieth yawn that morning. She had slept until eight, which didn’t mean much since she hadn’t crawled into bed until almost three. For the second night in a row, she and Castle had been on the deck talking into the wee hours. Not that she was complaining, exactly. It had been…fun. Really fun. Amazing as it seemed, it felt like they never ran out of things to talk about. They could have continued talking even later were it not for continual yawns and drooping eyelids that ultimately made them decide to go to sleep.

Just as she was about to yawn again her father sat down beside her. He had a large apple on a plate in one hand and an apple and his coffee in the other. He said nothing as he began to slice around the core of the apple, ending up with five oddly shaped pieces. He handed her one of the larger ones and said, “Maybe you wouldn’t yawn as much if you went to bed before three a.m.”

Kate blushed as she bit into the apple slice. “Sorry, Dad; I didn’t think I woke you.”

He chuckled as he put the knife down on the edge of the place and picked up a slice for himself. “I’m surprised you came in at all. Doesn’t Castle want you to stay with him?”

Kate promptly choked on her apple. After taking a sip of coffee and gulping down the rogue piece of fruit she cleared her throat as sweat formed on her brow. God—oh god—did her father think she was sneaking into their room after she and Castle had been having sex? What was she? Seventeen and hooking up with her boyfriend in the emergency stairwell in her building because both of them lived with their parents and then creeping back into her apartment hoping that no one noticed her sweater was on backwards? Not that that had actually happened, for course…

“Wha—Dad, no—we’re…we’re _talking_. On the deck.”

Now appearing even more amused Jim asked, “Are you sure?”

“Yes!”

He casually bit into another apple slice. “Whatever you say, Katie.”

Finding herself annoyed that she was being accused of something that of course at thirty-two she’d be way better at hiding, Kate continued to balk. “Dad, this is so—I wouldn’t—I mean of course not. We wouldn’t—Castle and I. We’re just-”

“Completely in love with each other,” he finished for her.

Too shocked to do anything else and feeling a little like she’d taken another bullet to the chest, Kate merely squeaked incoherently in response. “Wha…”

Her father looked at her as serene as ever and said, “We all see it, Katie.”

Now feeling like a wave of anxiety had crashed over her and she couldn’t yet kick to the surface to get a breath of air, Kate stood from her seat and paced the small area behind the chair as she fanned herself. “You all…oh god, are you guys talking about us behind our backs?”

“No, no nothing like that.” Jim promised. “Though a few weeks ago Martha did ask me if I wanted to help her cast some sort of spell on you two, so you’d come to your senses.”

Realizing the pacing wasn’t helping, Kate flopped back down in her seat and spoke very quietly. “Dad, you know this is one of the reasons why I’m doing therapy so I can…” She hesitated, trying to find the right words. “Feel okay about…being in a relationship.”

“And how do you think that’s going?”

“Good,” she responded. Her father arched his brow at her and she continued quickly, “Seriously—it’s good. I do feel better I just… it’s so scary.” Her gaze drifted out the window towards the back yard where Castle and Alexis were setting up a lawn game he’d purchased online. A storm had come through overnight and dropped the temperature back down into the mid-eighties, which felt downright cool compared to their triple-digit heat wave, so he’d promised to teach them all how to play and they’d make an afternoon of it. Pulling her thoughts back to the conflicted emotions bubbling in her chest, Kate realized that especially after the prior two nights of talking she now felt that like they were more than just friends. Every part of her longed for him, but the freedom to be in a relationship still felt just out of reach.

Turning back to her father she asked softly. “What if I get hurt?”

“What if you do?” he responded. She gave him a perturbed look at he continued, “Seriously what if you do? There are no guarantees. Look at your mother and I.”

Kate felt her face flush as she hadn’t intended to bring up bad memories for him. “Dad…”

“I know my advice only carries so much weight given what I’ve been through, what I put you through, but you need to know: I’d do it all again. Given the chance to go back, even knowing how it would end, I’d do it over again just to have those years with your mother. Even if it’s not forever that level of happiness is worth it, Katie.”

She gave a rather fractured smile and wasn’t quite sure how to respond since his comments only made her feel more unsettled. To distract herself briefly she unlocked her phone and checked her email on auto-pilot. When she did, she saw that an official one had come through and her brow knitted together. “Oh…”

“Something wrong?”

She skimmed through the email for another moment before meeting her father’s eye. “Not really… I just got the official notification that my leave of absence is coming to an end and I’ll be put back on the schedule rotation in early August.”

“Field duty?” he asked with notable concern.

“No, desk for four weeks and then I’ll need to re-pass weapons certification and have a physical.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

She sucked in a breath and allowed herself a moment to process the news. On one hand, she was definitely ready to go back. She loved her job and felt driven to do it; it truly was her purpose. She had not been out of work that long since she started working in her mid-teens, so being out of work for several months should have felt crazy and wrong. It did, in some ways, but not entirely, though she chalked that up to the great deal of physical healing she’d been doing. On the other hand, going back to work at that point meant up-ending her whole routine. True, it was going back to a routine she’d had in the past, but not one she’d been familiar with. And, with the pandemic, there was definitely no _going back_. The routine would be similar, yet vastly different due to the new protections and precautions she needed to take. Further to the point: the new routine would not involve Castle, or the other family members she’d grown accustomed to as of late. Thinking about herself in terms of physical recovery only, she knew she was doing well and had improved greatly, but there remained some things she _couldn’t_ do. For instance: chasing a fleeing perp and tackling him. Doing so in that moment felt like it might break her, especially if she was forced to land on her left side.

“Um… I don’t know. It’s… it’s been ten weeks but in some ways, it almost doesn’t feel like enough time. I know I’ll be okay, especially since I’m not going out into the field right away but…it’s just…sad.” Her gaze drifted out into the back yard again as she said, “I’ll miss this little oasis.”

“Oh, something tells me you’ll be coming back here a lot.”

Her jaw dropped as her head whipped back and she saw Jim casually sipping his coffee in order to hide a cheeky grin. “Dad.” She sighed.

He laughed. “What?”

“Don’t…don’t pressure me. Please.” If she allowed herself, she probably could have easily agreed that she did see returning to the Hamptons house along with Castle in her future, but she wasn’t there—not yet.

Jim smiled, patted her arm and said, “Not pressuring Katie, I promise. I just want you to be happy.” Then, with that, he picked up his plate and mug and returned them to the kitchen, leaving Kate alone at the table with her thoughts.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

After sliding the last of the Tupperware containers with leftovers into the refrigerator, Kate turned to see if anything else in the kitchen needed cleaned up. She spotted Castle at the kitchen sink, finishing the cleaning of items that could not be put in the dishwashing machine, and watched as he turned his head from side to side and then rolled his right shoulder a few times. He’d been babying the joint ever since that afternoon when he and Alexis were playing a bit of volleyball in the back yard. He’d tried to dive for a wayward ball and not only missed it, but crash landed on his right side. Though he insisted he was fine at the time, she suspected that wasn’t exactly true because of how he’d been acting in the aftermath.

“I can finish those up if you’d like,” She offered kindly, but glanced back over his shoulder at her and shook his head.

“Oh, it’s okay; this is the last one.”

“Okay; I’ll wipe down the counter then.”

She grabbed a dish cloth and walked over to the second sink (because of course fancy Hamptons kitchens had two sinks in them), dampened it and then began to wipe down the counter around the range where they had done most of their meal prep.

That evening’s dinner had been a buffet of tacos with a variety of toppings. She’d offered to help so while he cooked up the meats and warmed the taco shells, she prepped the veggies, since chopping and slicing were two of her top kitchen skills. She had been pitching in with kitchen duties more and more and actually found herself enjoying them since she wasn’t rushing around to make something before heading out the door or coming home exhausted from a long shift. She knew that once she was back at work she’d probably fall back into her own routine of ordering takeout and not cooking, though maybe she’d take the time on her days off to prep a few meals ahead. Then again, cooking was much more fun when she didn’t have to do it alone.

After she wiped down the counter, she turned around to see Castle rubbing at his shoulder again and couldn’t stop herself from saying something. “You should take something anti-inflammatory for that. Want some of my Advil?”

He gave her a small smile. “I took some earlier, actually. It just didn’t help that much.” He sighed with resignation. “I think I might be getting too old to dive on to the ground like that.”

“You don’t say,” she said teasingly. He gave her a look and she laughed. “I’m sorry, Castle. I hope it feels better tomorrow.”

“Thanks…I actually think I’m going to go sit in the hot tub to loosen it up. Wanna joint me?”

“Oh,” she said, surprised at the invitation. Though she had used the pool quite frequently for her rehab and for general relaxation, she had yet to use the hot tub. The temperatures had been so warm the thought really hadn’t crossed her mind and Castle hadn’t brought it up much either, which made sense; when it was so hot, why would they want to get even hotter? Now that he was proposing the invitation, it was worth considering. Getting into it with Castle certainly could have been conveyed as a _sexy_ activity, but she genuinely did not feel he meant it that way. It was just an invitation to hang out like they’d been hanging out every evening for the past week. The only difference was that hang out would be in the hot tub instead of on the deck. “Um, okay. sure.”

“So like…half an hour?” he suggested. She agreed with a nod and then she finished cleaning up the kitchen counters before wiping down the dining table and then going upstairs to change into her bathing suit.

As her father had not anticipated a need for swim wear and thus not packed any when they first traveled to the Hamptons, Kate had ordered two bikinis online and had them shipped to the Hamptons house back in early June. As it was later in the season as far as swimwear was concerned, she didn’t have too many options for her size and as a result she didn’t particularly like either suit. One was a pinky-orange color that she didn’t find flattering against her skin tone and the other had a navy blue nautical themed print which wasn’t normally something she would have been interested in, but the fit was flattering.

Kate stared at the two suits sitting on her bed for far too long having a debate on which she should wear. It wasn’t as though either were new—Castle had seen her wear each of them several times previously—and it ultimately did not matter since she’d be wearing a tank top over the top regardless. She ultimately picked the nautical one and changed into it before grabbing the black Nike running tank she used in the pool because it didn’t saturate with water as much as the cotton ones did.

Down in the pool area, Kate found Castle pouring two glasses of wine. When he heard her footsteps, he smiled and held one out to her. “Wine?”

“Sure why not,” she said as she took it from him. “I’m surprised there’s any left.”

He winked at her. “I have a few hiding spots Mother doesn’t know about.”

She hummed and sipped her wine while walking over to the hot tub, which was sunken into the deck at the deeper end of the pool. Castle climbed in first then he’d out his hand for her to hold on to as she stepped because there was no railing. Once they were both in Castle used the dials along the edge to turn on the jets until the water bubbled aggressively. He then sat down on one of the corner seats and wiggled around until his shoulder was just in front of one of the blasts of water.

“Is that helping?” she asked after a minute or so of silence.

He hummed. “Mmm maybe. It is very relaxing to be in here though.”

“Yeah…” She skimmed her free hand through the bubbles and thought for a moment then said, “You know…I don’t remember the last time I was in a hot tub. I actually don’t know if I’ve ever been in one.”

“Really?” he asked, his tone noting disbelief.

“Yeah…I’ve been in bathtubs that have massaging jets but…Oh, you know—I remember.” She gestured towards him with her wine glass. “It was college. Some friends and I went skiing and the big thing at the hotel was to get into the hot tubs in the evening even thought it was freezing cold. I remember doing that—I mean, barely.”

“You were really drunk?” he guessed.

“Extremely,” she responded with a laugh. She tried to sit down on one of the seats like Castle, but the angle from which the jets sprayed somehow went directly up her shirt, which resulted in it billowing up continuously. After fighting it for several minutes she gave up and moved to the seat beside Castle instead of across from him.

“Can I ask you something?” he said once she’d settled down

“Sure.”

“Why are you even wearing that shirt in here?”

“Oh.” Her eyes flicked downwards as she unconsciously gave it a tug to make sure it hadn’t floated up again. “Well, I…I’m just not ready for my scars to be on display yet. They’re still so red and…” She stopped herself just short of saying “horrible” or “ugly.”

“It’s your choice, but for the record: I think scars are amazing.”

His comment didn’t surprise her at all as it seemed quite like something he’d say, but she was still curious. “And why is that?”

“Well because they each come with their own little story. Like this one?” He paused to bring his left leg into view and pointed towards the center of his shin where there was a white strip noticeable on his otherwise tan leg. It was about two inches long and seemed like it was directly over the bone. “I was playing around on the pool deck annoying Alexis with a flying helicopter toy and I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. I ended up falling into the pool and scraping up my leg.”

“When was that?”

“Last year.”

She laughed. “Oh.”

“Right, so now I have this reminder that if I try and torture my child, karma will punish me.”

She took a sip from her wine glass and said, “I see.”

“You have any other cool scars, Beckett?”

She pressed her lips together, knowing that two of the scars on her body came from on-the-job incidents which made them decidedly uncool. The only other scar she had was uninteresting. “There’s one on the top of my toe from when I was a kid, but it wasn’t that interesting. I was running even though my mom told me not to. My shoe came off, I tripped and fell, and in the process cut it on some glass.”

Castle cringed. “Ick, that’s not good. Was this New York City street glass?”

She laughed at his horrified sounding tone. “No, no it was up in a parking lot near my dad’s cabin.”

“Gotcha.”

They were silent for a few minutes, both of them sipping on their wine. Kate finished hers and put her glass down on the cement deck before turning to face her companion. “You know what I was thinking about earlier today? What if I hadn’t been shot back in May?”

His face twisted into an expression of concern. “I think that would have been everyone’s preferred outcome, Kate.”

“Right; I know. I wasn’t thinking about the shooting itself so much as the pandemic. What if the shooter hadn’t shown up at Montgomery’s funeral? What if we’d just…had the service and then gone back to our lives. We weren’t fully aware of it then, but this pandemic was already inevitable at that point. If that had happened…I would have stayed in the city, pitched in where I was needed. I’m sure I would have ended up on the front lines of this thing one way or another, while you and your family would have come out here.”

She wasn’t entirely sure what made her think of it. Her father had one of the morning news programs on and they talked about the number of NYPD officers testing positive for the virus. She’d been in contact with Ryan and Esposito casually during her time in the Hamptons and she knew they were trying not to worry her, but they had mentioned the names of few officers she knew that had contracted the virus. None were seriously ill, but from what she was told the department had, at times, difficulty filling shifts due to the number of people out sick.

She’d wondered then how differently the summer would have been for all of them if she’d been back in the city with Ryan and Esposito and Castle and his family had been out in the Hamptons. On one hand, she certainly would not have been mad about not having surgeries or pain or all the other challenges that came with recovery. Yet on the other hand, she could not deny that either of those realities would have been very challenging in their own way.

After pondering the notion for a moment, Castle said, “We wouldn’t have seen each other at all. We’d have probably spent another summer apart.”

“Yeah, probably,” she agreed, though the words “ _another_ _summer_ ” continued to circle around in her head. It was crazy to think that it had just barely been a year prior when Castle’s ex-wife turned new-girlfriend had shown up at the precinct just as she was about to tell him that she was interested in joining him in the Hamptons. So much had happened to her in that space of time, a year of time didn’t even make sense as a descriptor. Sitting there she knew she was a completely different person in that moment then a year prior.

If Gina hadn’t shown up and she was able to tell Castle that she would go to the Hamptons with him, they would have inevitably slept together, but where their relationship would have gone from there was unclear. It was possible they could have made things work beyond that summer, but maybe not given the fact that she wasn’t close to being in a place where she was ready to be open or loved. Either way, it would have been a struggle.

Though the memories of that time were difficult, Kate knew she needed to be grateful for them for it was perhaps the experience that for the very first time made her wonder if the way she was living her life was the best possible way. Now she knew that wasn’t the case and the path she’d managed to forge for herself thanks to therapy was a much healthier one.

Bringing her thoughts back to the present, she said, “I’m glad that didn’t happen. I’m not saying I’m glad I was shot but…maybe it was the wakeup call I needed. I need to make a change to my life or risk being very unhappy. Even Montgomery’s death wasn’t enough, I don’t think.”

She’d thought about it more than a few times over the prior two months, sometimes on her own, sometimes as an exercise with Dr. Burke. She’d been so conditioned to live the way that she had been living, even something as shocking and earth-shattering as Montgomery’s betrayal and death probably wouldn’t have been enough. Sad as it was, she needed that bullet to the chest as a wakeup call to change her life before it was too late.

Angling her body to face his, she took in a deep breath and for the first time visualized her whole self as a door, swinging open to let him inside. “When we arrived at the gravesite and stepped up to that hearse, I looked at your face and I thought…we’ll be okay. We need some time for our tempers to cool down and then we’ll just go back to how things were, but now I’m so glad that didn’t happen. I’m glad we’re moving forward.”

“Me too.”

She smiled and felt her heart stutter with nerves for the sentence she was about to say. “I start back at work next week.”

“Wha…” He croaked out a barely audible noise and she cringed.

“I know. I’m sorry to just drop that news on you like this. I should have told you sooner because I knew it was coming. I’ve only known the exact date for three days, but I…I didn’t want to tell you.”

“Why?”

She shrugged a bit sheepish, “Because I thought you’d be worried and disappointed.”

He put his wine glass down on the deck and leaned towards her. “I am! Both of those things!”

She leaned in as well and their knees bumped together in the tight space. “I know. But I’ll be starting with desk duty for almost a month and you know Ryan and Espo will watch my back. And I’ll wear the PPE they give us. Religiously.”

He nodded though his face was still wrought with concern. “I’ll still worry. I can go back into the city too, though, and-”

“No, Castle,” she said quickly, having anticipated he would say exactly that. “You should stay out here through Labor Day like you planned. You never know, they might extend the stay-at-home orders again.”

His expression made it seem like he’d just been told Christmas would be canceled that year. “But I’ll miss you.”

She nodded; that had been the main reason she didn’t want to tell him she was going. If she told him, that made it real; that meant she really had to leave, and she didn’t want to because the thought of not seeing him every day felt almost unbearable. “I’ll miss you too. I’m really glad we’ve had almost three months here together. I…being here has really enabled me to heal, in more ways than one.”

“That’s great Kate; really great. I’m so happy to hear that.”

His smile was so pure and genuine. She knew he really meant that as a supportive friend and nothing more. The joy it brought her felt almost crushing and she knew, without question, she didn’t want to wait a moment longer for what they both desperately wanted. She had talked about it with Burke just the day before, wondering how she would know when she was ready. He kindly reminded her that there were no written rules, no instruction manual for her to follow. She had the tools she needed, but ultimately it was up to her when to take the leap of faith. She’d felt herself drawing ever-closer to that moment, but right then, knowing Castle wasn’t expecting anything, but feeling completely unable to hold herself back even for another second, _she knew_.

Her heart thrumming beneath her ribs she sighed out his name. “Castle.”

“Hmm?”

She said nothing more, but instead arched her body forward, cupped his jaw with her hands, and pressed her lips against his. When she pulled back, he looked absolutely astounded and it made her laugh.

Knowing her cheeks were probably turning a little pink, she sank down a little in the water and shrugged casually, “I, uh, didn’t want to go back into the city without doing that.”

Evidently having found his voice again, he proclaimed, “You’ll hear no complaints from me!” and then lunged forward and grabbed her around the waist. She squealed and giggled as he grabbed her and pulled her body into his. She threw her arms around her neck and they sank down into the water as they kissed again and again.

After several minutes he pulled back looking at her with equal parts admiration and astonishment. “Really, Kate?” he asked. “This is—we’re—I mean—I--!”

His tongue-tie made her giggle again and she teased him by saying, “I thought you did something with words for a living.”

He growled and grabbed her waist tighter. Then, skimming his fingers gently against her spine, his expression turned serious and he asked, “Are we together now—a couple?”

“If you want to be.”

“If _I_ want to be?” he responded, incredulous.

She hummed, loving how easy it was to tease him. “Well, I thought you might be interested but if you’re not…”

“Kate.” He spoke her name with such adoration that the hair at the base of her neck stood on end. “There has never once been a question of if I was interested.”

She merely hummed and pressed her lips against his once more.

They held on to each other, kissing occasionally, in the hot tub for the better part of ten minutes before Kate reluctantly pushed herself away from him confessing, “It’s not that I’m not enjoying being close to you…but I think I’m actually starting to sweat a little bit.” Between the hot bubbling water and Castle’s body heat she was genuinely beginning to feel a bit unwell.

“Oh, there’s a thermostat—I can turn down the water temperature.”

She shook her head. “No, I think I’m going to get out; sorry.”

“No apologies needed. Do you want to dry off and then watch something together?”

“Actually, I think I’d like to keep reading _Casino Royale_ ; I’m really enjoying it,” she told him.

“Then we can read together. In my room?”

Smiling as she knew the seclusion would lead to more kissing, she agreed. “Okay. I’ll come over after I change.”

* * *

With the high-inducing amount of excitement and elation coursing through his body, Castle wasn’t entirely sure how he retained enough muscle coordination to ascend the stairs in his home, but somehow, he managed. He went through the motions of stepping into the shower while still wearing his swimming trunks, rinsing off the chlorinated water, and then hanging the trunks up to dry all the while his brain shouted _Kate, Kate, Kate_ with every beat of his heart.

Finally. _Finally_.

All the waiting that he had done—and would have continued to do if she desired it—had paid off and they were finally going to be together as a couple.

_Finally!!_

As he redressed in basketball shorts and a soft t-shirt, Castle’s mind began planning what they would do and how they would spend their time, but then he forced himself back to the present. Kate had agreed to be his girlfriend and that was a huge step, but that didn’t mean she was ready to do a cannonball into the deep end of a relationship with him. This was Kate and he knew her. She would be much for comfortable wading in the shallow end for a little bit and he needed to be okay with that—he _would_ be okay with that…after the initial burst of experiment wore off, of course.

Too energized to sit down, he merely paced the area in front of his bed for several minutes before Kate entered his room wearing black calf-length yoga pants and an NYPD t-shirt, her hair tucked up into a messy bun at the crown of her head. “Hey,” she said breathily.

“Hey,” he echoed. Then, after a second, he gestured towards the loveseat and said, “Please, sit. Make yourself comfortable.”

Book in hand, Kate walked over to the loveseat and sat down with her back facing the fireplace wall. She looked up at him expectantly, so Castle sat beside her and pulled her legs across his lap asking, “This okay?”

She hummed a positive response, then, looking around the room, she said, “I don’t think I’ve said it enough but this whole place is a complete oasis, Castle; it’s amazing, truly.”

“Well, thanks. It’s always been a nice escape and now…kind of feels like a life saver,” he said. Not only had being there quite possibly saved Kate’s life, but certainly saved her from extended misery, because of their time together they had grown closer than he’d previously imagined possible. While he felt confident that they would have eventually gotten to the spot they were in then, it absolutely would have taken more time.

Nodding, she said, “I know what you mean.”

They read in silence for half an hour before Castle said he needed a drink. He offered to get her anything she wanted, but she declined. He returned a few minutes later with some water and they settled back into their positions on the couch. Another forty minutes passed, and Kate left to use the bathroom. When she returned, he noticed she appeared rather sleepy, which made him think about how that evening might end.

“So, I was thinking…” He paused and waited for her to look at her before continuing. “No pressure—this is just an offer—but I was thinking…maybe you could spend the night here with me. It’s just that…you’re leaving, and I want to spend as much time with you as possible, but if you’re not comfortable, that’s completely fine with me.”

A smile blossomed on her face as she said, “I think that sounds nice.”

Feeling like he was floating, he asked, “Yeah? You’re sure?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Plus, you have shared a room with your father for eleven weeks,” he pointed out.

She chuckled and skimmed her fingertips over her forehead. “Ah, yeah…I definitely haven’t done that since our last family vacation when I was eighteen.”

“I’m sure.”

After another twenty minutes of reading, they separated to complete their pre-bedtime routines. Once finished, Castle began turning down the bedcovers and rearranging some of the pillows to make sure the bed was set up for two and not just one. When Kate returned, she gave him a bit of a shy smile while made his heart burst with joy.

“Do you, um, have a side preference?”

She glanced at the bed, then back to him tentatively. “Normally no, but it’s still a little uncomfortable for me to lay on my left side, so I guess I’d prefer this side,” she said, gesturing towards the left side of the bed. He assumed this was because it would allow her to lay on her right side and face outward instead of inward. Even though that was the side he normally slept on, he didn’t have a strong preference and wanted her to be comfortable.

“Of course. Just let me…” He quickly rearranged the pillows, so she had the ones he hadn’t been laying on and then smiled at her. “There; perfect.”

“Thanks, Castle.”

They both climbed beneath the sheet and he immediately slid towards the center of the bed and reached out his arms, hoping she’d accept his invitation for cuddling. She leaned in, kissed him softly, and then lay down with her back to him, but from the way she pushed her butt in his direction he assumed it was an invitation to spoon her, which he was all too thrilled to do. It took them a moment to arrange themselves comfortably, but once he finally relaxed with Kate Beckett curled in his arms, Castle realized there was no other place he wanted to be for the rest of his life.

“Castle?”

“Hmm? Are you okay? comfortable?”

She turned her head so she could look at him and said, “Yes I’m fine I just…I wanted to thank you for giving me the time I needed to…to be ready for us.”

He wanted to say so many things to her, perhaps launch into a romantic speech about how she meant the world to him, but it was late and there would be plenty of time for great professions of love later on, so he just went with the one word he knew meant the most to both of them. “Always, Kate; always.”

With that, he pressed his lips against the side of her face and snuggled back up against her until they both fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Two days later, Kate awoke to the sun peaking in through the windows of the expansive owner’s suite. She let out a long slow breath at the slight feeling of discomfort on her left side and, as she slowly returned to consciousness, she realized that her left arm was actually pinned down by Castle’s hand resting on it. The sweetness of this made her smile, but it was, unfortunately, slightly uncomfortable, so she gently lifted his hand enough for her to move her arm away. He didn’t stir as she put his hand back down on the mattress.

Figuring she might as well start her morning stretches in hopes of making her discomfort dissipate, she arched her back yawned while swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She stood, pulled the covers back into place behind her, and then tip-toed her way out of the bedroom and down the hall. That morning was the second she’d woken up beside Castle, but she hadn’t yet moved any of her clothing or toiletries out of the spare bedroom and bathroom, so she was once again making the trek down the hall when she awoke.

She slipped into the guest bedroom, quickly changed her clothes, and grabbed her yoga mat all without waking her father. Downstairs, she did her stretching routine and, by the time the coffee was done brewing, felt a genuine improvement in her side. She’d just poured herself a cup when she heard footsteps approaching and was surprised to see Alexis, who gave her a polite good morning and then poured a half a mug of coffee and filed the remaining half with milk.

“You’re up early,” Kate said softly.

She shrugged one shoulder. “Didn’t sleep well. I had a nightmare about going back to school and being in a crowded hallway only to realize I wasn’t wearing a mask.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. But…will you be going back to school? In person, I mean?”

Alexis shook her head. “No, not for the first few weeks, at least. The official word is that they will keep evaluating the safety of everyone.”

“Well, that’s good.” From the reports they were hearing about, children did seem less susceptible to the new virus than adults were, but that didn’t mean they were immune. Also, considering she would be turning eighteen in just a few months, Alexis was closer to “adult” than “child” anyway.

“Why are you up so early?” Alexis asked her.

“Oh…I woke up with my left side hurting and I wanted to do my stretches to make it feel better,” she explained.

“Do they help?”

“Yeah, usually.”

“That’s good.” Alexis sipped her coffee for a moment then said, “Kate?”

“Yeah?”

The younger girl put her mug down and clasped her hands together as she spoke. “I know you guys haven’t said anything officially, but you and my dad are together now, right? Like, dating.”

“Oh, uh. Yes.” She and Castle hadn’t talked about making any sort of official announcement. She knew that would be something they needed to discuss before she left the Hamptons in a few days, but for the prior thirty-six hours they were just enjoying being deliriously happy, which included holding hands and kissing at every opportunity. The only person she had officially told was Lanie, who had texted her the day before to ask how she was doing. When her response had included that she and Castle had kissed, Lanie’s reply had been the word “finally” in all capital letters followed by ten exclamation points. This being said, she wasn’t going to lie to Alexis about what was going on, even if she didn’t anticipate breaking the news shortly after dawn while the younger girl was still in her pajamas.

“Maybe this isn’t exactly my place since I’m technically still a kid but…well, I’ve seen my dad hurt in the past when he’s been in relationships where… I don’t know, things weren’t equal? He has this tendency to throw his whole self into a relationship and…and sometimes that ends up in him getting hurt. I hate seeing him that way, and I know right now he cares about you so much—not that you don’t care about him, but…” She paused for a moment and collected her thoughts. “Back in May I think something happened between you because he was really upset and…I guess what it boils down to is I feel protective over him because he’s my dad.”

Kate nipped at her bottom lip with her teeth for a moment before saying, “I understand. He’s…he’s the kind of person it’s difficult not to care a lot about.” They shared a smile before Kate continued. “Listen, Alexis, I cannot stand here and promise you that I’ll never hurt your dad, or he’ll never hurt me, because in relationships you can’t make those kind of promises. What I can tell you is that I’ve been working really hard on myself this summer, because I want to be in a place where I can have a long-lasting, meaningful relationship. I made a lot of progress and I intend to make even more. As far as your dad and I…I know how much he cares about me, and I feel the same about him. He’s one of the most important people in my life.”

Alexis stared at her for a moment, before a soft smile crossed her face and she nodded. “Okay. Thanks Kate. Sorry to, um, ask you that so early, I just…it’s been on my mind.”

“Of course. We can talk any time you want,” Kate promised her. Then, putting her mug on the counter, she opened her arms and pulled Alexis in for a hug. She certainly could appreciate how much Alexis cared about her father; she’d known for many years how bonded they were. And if those thoughts were truly weighing on Alexis’s mind, she was glad the girl had brought them up. The last thing she wanted was any member of Castle’s family to be uncomfortable with their relationship, so she made a mental note to be more mindful of Alexis’s feelings in the future.

* * *

Just after lunch, at Castle’s suggestion, he and Kate donned masks and went for a walk on the beach. They held hands and talked about her return to the city and what she thought it might be like. Since the only time Kate had left Rick’s property in the prior two and a half months were for walks, and she hadn’t been within twenty feet of anyone outside their household, she confessed she truly had no idea what to expect. She was concerned and a little afraid about being almost exclusively in public places, from her apartment building hallways to the subways and busses to the Twelfth precinct building. In her mind, everyone else had at least a two-month head start on proper pandemic protocol and she would be starting at a disadvantage. Castle tried to assuage her concerns by telling her it was simple: she just had to wear her mask and keep as much distance between others and herself as possible. Logically she knew that was correct, but in practice she imagined it would be more difficult. For instance: how could one stay more than six feet from everyone in a crowded elevator car that was barely more than six feet across? And now that she was making her way through the healing process, how much more susceptible to the more dangerous side effects of the virus was she than if she hadn’t been shot? Twenty percent? Fifty? There was no way to know.

On that last point Kate decided to keep her feelings to herself. Even before she and Castle had become a romantic couple, she had made herself a promise not to keep anything from him and to open herself as much as she possibly could, for she knew that was the only reason she would be successful in their relationship. To that point she really felt she had made good on that promise, but her fears about possibly catching the virus was where she would draw the line. She already knew Castle was very worried about her going back to the city and his concerns were probably similar to hers, so there was no sense in making him worry about her even more.

The further down the beach they walked Kate began to notice some interesting and beautiful shells that had washed up on the shore. She dropped Castle’s hand to crouch down, pick some up, and examine them before replacing them against the surf. She found it shocking just how many pristine shells there were; she hadn’t seen that many before. It was almost as though someone had specifically placed them along the beach for them to find, which made their walk feel even more special somehow.

They continued walking and chatting for a few more minutes before they crossed over a large outcropping of rocks to find several children playing by the water on the other side. Kate stopped walking, not wanting to get too close, but she did notice that the eldest of the children, a boy who looked about ten or eleven, was building quite an elaborate looking sandcastle. It had multiple levels of sand sculpting as well as small stones, shells, and sticks to add to the decor.

“Looks great!” Castle called out to him from where they stood beside the rocks. The boy looked up, grinned, and gave them a friendly wave. They both waved back before Castle turned to her and said, “Want to walk back or walk around them?”

“We can go back and maybe walk a little bit past the house in the other direction.”

Castle nodded in agreement and snagged her hand once more as they walked. She had only taken a few steps when a thought popped into her mind and she said aloud, “Huh…you know I can’t remember the last time I built a sandcastle. I must have been even younger than that boy.”

“Seriously?” Castle said in a tone that indicated both shock and scandal.

“Yeah…We didn’t go to the beach that often when I was younger so it’s not like I had a lot of opportunities and then I guess when I went as a teen, I was too cool for sandcastles.”

“Too…cool…” Castle placed his hand over his chest as though he’d just been stabbed. Turning to her he said very seriously. “Beckett, you wound me. Sandcastles are _always_ cool.”

She laughed. “Okay.”

“I’m serious. You wanna go make one now?”

Her brow crinkled. “You have the shovels and molds to make sandcastles? Wait—what am I saying? Of course, you do.”

He grinned broadly. “Yes, of course I do. Alexis and I usually have a sandcastle making competition every Fourth of July. I guess I didn’t think about it this year because of everything else going on, but we can absolutely make sandcastles. You wanna?”

She shrugged and laughed. “Sure, why not.”

Their walk back to the house wasn’t quite as pleasant due to the fact that the winds had picked up significantly. The sea air was swirling around and throwing tornados of sand at their bodies, which was quite unpleasant. Kate was certain were it not for the mask she wore she would have had a mouthful of it. As it was, her eyes were suffering.

Thankfully the wind had calmed down by the time the reached Castle’s property. There, he led her to a large plastic storage bench just below the deck and began unloading small shovels, buckets, and several sand molds. She once again found herself surprised he had so many things when his child had been a pre-teen when he purchased the house, but upon further thought she realized he probably would have bought them for himself anyway. As much as some of those things about him made her roll her eyes sometimes, she appreciated his childlike qualities. They were endearing, and also reminded her that a life that was far too serious wasn’t very much fun.

When they crossed back over the sand dune, Kate kicked her toe at the smooth sand below their feet and declared, “I don’t think we can build a castle with this; it’s too loose.”

“Right we’ll have to go down by the water where its wetter,” he pointed out.

They walked out until they were about ten feet from the surf at which point Castle dropped down to his knees, pulled his mask off, stuffed it into his pocket, and then began to dig with the child’s-sized shovel he held. Once he’d pushed the fluffy top sand out of the way, wetter sand emerged and he declared, “Ahh yeah, here’s the good stuff. C’mon, Beckett; it’ll be fun.” Not really having any room to argue, she mirrored his process of kneeling down and removing her mask and then began to dig.

For several minutes Kate found herself preoccupied with the process of scooping the damp sand into the hollow form and packing it down so it would pop back out in the correct shape. Her first attempt failed miserably but by the third the wall she was building was actually looking okay. As she worked, she glanced up occasionally to see her partner’s progress, but every time she did he seemed to be rearranging his position from kneeling to crouching or sitting on one hip and with each change he would tug at the bottom of his shorts or occasionally at the groin area. The first two times she ignored it but since he was doing it every time she looked up, she felt baffled. This was far from the first time she’d seen a man seemingly adjusting his genitals, but this seemed quite excessive and deliberate to the point where she was wondering if he was having some sort of issue.

“What are you doing?”

He looked down at the sand then back up at her. “What do you mean?”

She pointed towards his legs. “With your shorts. You seem to be doing a lot of adjusting over there. Did you get sand in there or something?”

“Wha—oh.” He looked down at himself then back up at her again. “No, it’s not me—I mean I’m not adjusting myself or anything. My pockets are full and that’s getting in the way of sitting.”

Her brow winkled. “Your pockets are full? Of sand?”

“No…”

From his tone, it made it seem as though he was trying to hide something, but she couldn’t imagine what it could possibly be. “What’s in them then?”

He appeared reluctant for a second, but then rounded his shoulders in submission, he put down the sandcastle form he was holding, dipped one hand into his pocket, and pulled out a pearlescent shell. “It was going to be a surprise for you. I wasn’t sure what yet, but I picked up some of the shells you pointed out, and I thought I’d do something to commemorate our first walk on the beach together as a couple.”

Kate instantly felt a mixture of guilt and admiration. She had been thinking he was possibly up to something unsavory when really he was just once again demonstrating he was one of the sweetest, big-hearted people that he knew. If he had surprised her with a gift like he described she would have been at a loss for words. While a version of herself from the past would have used that moment to beat herself up and say that she never could have thought of such a gift and therefore she didn’t deserve someone like Castle, her time with Burke made her recognize the wrongness of those thought. Love was not a competition. Perhaps she wouldn’t have thought to collect the shells, but there were many other things she could do—and would do—to show her love for Castle.

 _Love_.

She knew it then without any question. She loved the incredible, kind, generous man in front of her and planned to keep loving him for the rest of her life. She still wanted—needed—to take the progress of their relationship at a slower pace at first, but there was one thing she knew she simply couldn’t wait for.

Abandoning her sandcastle making materials, she moved across the sand and pressed his lips against his. Pulling back, she said, “Let’s forget the sandcastle and go back to the house.”

His expression made it seem as though she had just suggested throwing all his toys away. “Oh…okay. If you want.”

“What I want,” she began slowly, reaching out to rest her hands lightly against his neck, “is to make love.”

“Wha—ouch! What?” he yelped in the middle of his question when he dropped out of his crouch and his knee landed on the sharp plastic edge of one of the sandcastle tools.

Her heart swelling with such happiness she almost felt like crying, Kate nodded and said, “I wasn’t sure if we should before I left…second guessing myself I suppose, but I’m sure now.” The list of reasons why they should wait included the fact that they would be separated for an unknown amount of time when she went back to work, and they had only technically been together for two days. Plus, no matter how much progress she and Burke made together, there was still that niggling thought in the back of her mind daring her not to believe in him—in _them_. But for that moment, on a beautiful sandy beach, she pushed it out of her mind and gave in to what she really, truly desired.

“Okay. Yeah. Definitely. Let’s do that—woah!” Castle had hopped quickly to his feet and taken a step back towards the house, evidently forgotten that he’d been digging up sand in order to make walls for his sand creation. As a result, his foot stepped directly in that sand divot and he pitched forward landing on his hands and knees.

Half laughing, half concerned, Kate put her hands on his back asking, “Are you okay?”

“Um, yeah, I think.” He clambered to his feet and brushed his hands together to remove the excess sand.

“There’s no need to rush, you know; we can take our time,” she said pointedly, hoping he caught her implication.

It appeared he did, as he reached out and brushed her chin with his thumb. “I won’t rush; I’ve just wanted this for a long time.”

“Me too,” she breathed out.

They collected all the sandcastle tools and carried them all back up to the house. Once they were back in their proper storage bin, Castle took her hand and led the way up onto the deck where he turned on the hose and sprayed off both their legs and feet. Kate also rinsed her hands off in the spray before they crept in the side door and hurried up the stairs before any of their family members noticed they were back from their walk.

As she ascended the stairs and stepped through the double doors into Castle’s bedroom, Kate’s belly fluttered with nerves and excitement. The first time she’d been in his room she had been overwhelmed by its tranquility and beauty. She thought about how peaceful it would be to lie in bed and watch the crackling fire, or to open the doors to the balcony and listen to the crashing waves. Now she couldn’t wait to fall into Castle’s arms and celebrate the way they felt about each other in the manner they had both dreamed of for quite some time.

As he shut the doors of the bedroom behind them, Kate brushed her right hand across her left forearm and frowned when she realized how sandy it felt. She mirrored the action on her right forearm and even saw crystals of sand in the crook of her elbow. “I…I think I might have sand everywhere because of that wind,” she confessed to her companion.

He nodded knowingly. “That is the one downside of the beach. Would rinsing off in the shower make you feel better?”

She nipped at her bottom lip and said, “Only if you join me.”

He grinned and led the way into the bathroom. He immediately reached inside the glass shower and cranked on the spray saying with jest, “I can show you how to use all the fancy massaging jets another time.”

“Okay,” she agreed. She reached for the button and zipper on her shorts and undid both, then as she began to push them over her hips, a trickle of sand slowly poured from the leg cuff and she groaned. “Oh no. I’m sorry.”

“It’s just sand; we’ll sweep it up later,” he said casually. Then he pulled his shirt up and over his head, tossed it on the floor and moved his hands towards the button on his pants when his gaze flashed with remembrance. “The shells!”

Kate couldn’t help but laugh at the way he scurried over to the bathroom vanity and began to unload his pockets. As he did so, she removed her shorts and tank top and placed them neatly beside the shower door. Then she turned to examine the shells he’d laid out and found nearly a dozen. “They’re all lovely; thank you for collecting those.”

“Sure, I—oh.” He sucked in a breath when he looked up and saw in the mirror’s reflection that she only wore her underwear. He turned around and lifted his right hand, skimming his thumb across the sharp edge of her jaw and then letting it graze down her throat and across her collar bone until it reached the knot of a scar between her breasts. His fingertips dusted across it gently and she shut her eyes, arching her body into his touch.

“Kate,” he breathed out, using only her name to convey so much: that he would never forget that moment, but he was so grateful that her life had been saved and that she was with him, about to make love in what seemed like the first step to solidifying their lives together.

“I know,” she sighed out. Then she opened her eyes, rose up on her toes and pressed her mouth against his.

An eager groan escaped his lips and his fingers made quick work of her bra clasp. She undid the button and zipper on his pants while he pushed her panties off her hips. Then, naked, they backed into the shower. He adjusted the temperature of the spray and then let his gaze trace every inch of her body before declaring, “You are so beautiful.”

She skimmed her hands across his chest saying, “So are you.”

He lowered his head, kissed the shell of her ear, and whispered, “I prefer ruggedly handsome.” She laughed and then pulled his body in close so they could become lost in one another.

* * *

Later, Kate lay with her head atop Castle’s shoulder, her arm over his stomach, and their legs threaded together. His arms were banded around her, some of his fingers drawing lazy lines across the back of her arms. Not only had making love to Castle been an incredible event in its own right—one she hoped to repeat many, many times, in fact—but it had also felt freeing in a way she hadn’t expected. For eleven weeks she’d had walked slowly, been restricted on what she could do with her arms and had to hold herself back from everything. Being intimate with Castle was one of the largest indicators she was on the way back to her old self. True, she wouldn’t be permitted to run or even jog for a few more weeks, but she was getting there and very proud of her progress—on several levels.

After laying quietly for about ten minutes, Castle shifted, pressed a kiss to the top of her head and sighed, “I can’t believe we’re not going to be able to do this when you go back to the city.”

She laughed softly and lifted her head. She pressed two kisses against his collar bone and sighed, “I know.”

“I could come back with you, you know,” he offered.

She shook her head. “No, no. We don’t know what kind of exposure I’m going to have at my job, and I want to make sure you all stay safe. Let’s just see how it goes until Labor Day, okay?”

He nodded, though his expression indicated reluctance. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you, too,” she echoed. More than she could ever express, in fact. She leaned forward and pressed her mouth against his. He parted his lips and drew her in for a slow, sexy kiss…

…until footsteps on the stairs and the loud voice of his mother could be heard just outside the door of his bedroom. The kissing duo froze and gazed towards the door. Martha’s voice was muffled, but it sounded like she was on the phone and rummaging through the storage closet just outside Castle’s bedroom. She was there for about two minutes before her voice faded away, indicating she had walked down the hall, presumably to her bedroom.

Kate and Castle then looked at each other and promptly started laughing. “Oh my god,” Kate said, laugher putting her to the point of near tears. “Both of our parents are downstairs.”

“Thank god they think we’re still on a walk,” he replied.

Their giddy laugher continued for several minutes before Kate reached out for the tissue box on the bedside table so she could mop up tears beneath her eyes. As Castle did the same, she processed their current state with no small amount of awe. In the past, it would have taken her quite some time to be this comfortable in bed with a new partner. She would have been hesitant about sharing too much of herself too quickly and always felt the need to play defense with her emotions. Now, none of those hesitations existed. She felt free to do and say anything, because she trusted Castle and loved him and he made her happier than anyone ever had.

Holding onto that joy, she sunk against him, kissed him again, and burrowed her face into his neck.

He hummed and hugged her back, though said sadly, “I suppose we should at some point get dressed and go back downstairs.”

“Yeah.”

“But we’ll have tonight…and all day tomorrow…”

She hummed. “Somehow I don’t think we can get away with staying in bed all day tomorrow.”

“Mmm you’re probably right…but then I guess we’ll just have to come back ourselves sometime and spend the entire weekend naked.”

“Castle,” she half-laughed, half-scolded.

“What? Tell me one flaw about that plan.”

“Well…we couldn’t go for a walk on the beach naked.”

“Sure, we could.”

“Castle!”

His chest rumbled with the laughter he tried to suppress. “What?”

She lifted her head and arched her brow. “Did you forget the fact where I’m a cop and public nudity is illegal?”

A cheeky grin on his face he said, “Oh. right. Well, we’ll just have to stay in the house, then. Or in the hot tub.”

Smiling slightly, she said, “Maybe. I guess we’ll have to see.”

* * *

Twenty-four hours later Kate found herself largely in the same position: naked and curled up against Castle’s chest. As midnight was inching ever-closer she knew they needed to get to sleep, but as it was their last night together she just wanted to stay awake as long as she possibly could. Leaving the following morning—more specifically, saying goodbye—was going to be heart wrenching and she wanted to put it off as long as possible.

“Are you awake?” she heard him whisper.

“Yeah,” she sighed, lifting her head so that she could gaze down at him.

He rubbed his hand against her bare shoulder and gave her a small smile. “Before…well, before we both fall asleep I just wanted to say that even though it’s only been three and a half days…they’ve been some of the best three and a half days in my whole life.”

Feeling her cheeks flush and tingles prickling at the back of her neck, Kate traced her fingers across his collar bone and nodded. “For me too.” True, in that time they hadn’t been able to do a whole lot other than sit together, go for a few walks, and have sex a few—okay, five—times. They ate meals together, but their families were there as well, so they could hardly count that as alone time. Still, just knowing they were together brought Kate a crushing amount of joy. Maybe right then their activities were stunted, but they would have more time—years and years of time, hopefully. For now, the joy of calling him her boyfriend was more than enough.

He lifted his head and she met him in the middle with their lips brushing together softly. Smiling as he lowered his head back down, her pulled her body tighter against his and said, “I can’t wait for us to spend more time here. Without our parents and or children.”

She laughed at his addition to the statement. “I know. I am…irrationally anxious about my father catching us having sex.”

“Even with the door closed? You think he’d come in here?”

“No, but—oh gosh I didn’t tell you.” She laughed and then sat up so she could look at him more easily as they spoke. “Those nights we spent on the deck talking? My dad thought we were having sex. He asked why I was sneaking back into our room instead of staying with you.”

“He thought I kicked you out?” Castle asked, his tone indicating offense.

“Probably more like he thought I was trying to make it obvious we weren’t doing that.”

“Ah…that is funny. Wait—what has your dad been like with your other boyfriends?”

Her brow rose at the concerned sound in his voice. “Scared, Castle?”

“Not scared; concerned. Wanting to make a good impression.”

She laughed. “A good impression? What exactly would present a bad impression? The fact that you opened your home to us, no questions asked, and have allowed us to shelter here for nearly three months thereby protecting us from a quickly spreading deadly virus?”

A breathy laugh escaped his lips. “Well, when you put it like that…”

“My dad’s a pretty easy-going guy as you may have gathered by this point. He hasn’t had too much to say about past boyfriends…not that I’ve brought home anyone particularly unsavory. Besides.” She lowered her face to his and whispered in his ear, “Don’t forget: I’m the one with the gun.”

He laughed and the reached out to grab her around the waist. She squealed as he pulled her down against him and husked, “Oh believe me, Beckett; I remember.” Then, still laughing, she kissed him, and they became tangled in each other once again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

For Kate, returning to Manhattan felt line entering an alternate reality. The traffic on the streets was noticeably lighter. Sidewalk traffic was as well, and anyone they saw was wearing a mask. Some wore rubber gloves, too. Outside every drugstore were cordoned off areas where patrons could line up with pylon cones marking six feet of difference for everyone to remain safely spaced apart. As her father drove, her eyes searched the streets and sidewalks for some sign she had accidentally entered the set of a post-apocalyptic movie, but sadly this was her new reality.

Her first glimpse of familiarity was the fact that there was no parking outside her apartment building—there never was. Her father was forced to double park and put his hazard lights on while hurrying around to the trunk to unload her rolling luggage. She still was not permitted to carry anything as heavy as her bags, so he put her duffle bags on top of the roller and wound the straps together so they wouldn’t fall. Due to his parking situation their goodbye was a brief hug and a promise to speak over the phone later on.

Kate guided her precarious stack of luggage carefully into her building. The lobby attendant was masked and behind a plexiglass wall that had been affixed to his regular desk. She waved politely and then reached up to pinch the top of her mask and make sure it was sealed over her nose as she approached the elevator. Thankfully, the car was empty when the doors opened and she was able to ride up alone.

On her floor, she stepped out and carefully gazed up and down the hall to see if anyone else was walking around, but they weren’t so she approached her door steadily. She saw that there was a large box on her doormat so, after unlocking the door, she nudged it inside with her foot. Then she rolled in her luggage and shut and locked the door behind her.

Before she could even look around her apartment, Kate knew she had to begin her new, pandemic-safe, arriving home procedure. She went to her kitchen counter and washed her hands thoroughly with soap for twenty seconds. Then, she removed her mask by its ear loops, hung it from one of her upper kitchen cabinets, and repeated the handwashing process. Then, she removed her shoes and walked into the main room of her apartment, the space she hadn’t been in for nearly three months. The room had a very musty air and, despite her lack of presence, everything seemed to have accumulated a thin layer of dust. Cleaning, however, would have to wait as she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to operate a vacuum yet; she made a mental note to ask during her next virtual physical therapy appointment.

Back in her entryway, Kate ripped the tape off the delivered box and found that it was actually a package from the NYPD. Inside were three N95 masks, a face shield, and instructions on how to wear and care for each. According to the note inside, N95 masks were traditionally disposable, one-time-use masks like surgical ones, but as they were in short supply, she would only be getting three every other week. The not also had information about the new office and field procedure for officers, including no touching of others, which included high fives, handshakes, and hugs.

After putting all the items back into the box, Kate decided it would be best if she unpacked her belongings. Thought it was probably a little heavier than she should have carried, Kate picked up the topmost duffle bag and used both arms to carry it back into her bedroom. Thankfully she’d done all her laundry before leaving the Hamptons, so everything she had was clean save what she was currently wearing.

She had just about finished unpacking the first bag when her phone chirped signaling an incoming text message. She pulled the phone from her back pocket and saw it was a notification from an unknown number that she would be receiving groceries between five and seven p.m. that evening. She was confused for a moment before she realized that Castle must have arranged them for her, thinking (correctly so) that she wouldn’t have thought that far ahead.

For a moment her thoughts drifted back to that morning when they’d parted ways. It had taken every ounce of effort within her not to cry as they hugged on the driveway, holding on until the very last second. She knew that in all likelihood the next month would go quickly, especially with her becoming accustomed to a daily work schedule once more, but she also knew she would miss his smile so much that the ache had already begun to pulsate beneath her sternum.

Pulling up their text chain, she tapped out, _Thanks for the groceries_.

His reply was just a few seconds later. _Of course. I also signed you up for a laundry service, so you don’t have to use your buildings shared facilities. The details were sent to your email._

She hummed and typed back, _Thank you_. Once again, she was proud of herself for how she was reacting. One of the past versions of herself could have easily become annoyed and felt smothered, but she knew that Castle had her best interest at heart, and he was just taking care of her because that’s what he did for those he cared for. So instead of getting mad, she allowed herself to appreciate how caring her boyfriend was before returning to her unpacking.

For the next two hours Kate kept busy with putting her belongings away, doing some light dusting and wiping up of the bathroom, and checking the personal emails she had been seriously neglecting for weeks. Her groceries arrived shortly after five. They were put on her doorstep as part of the contact-free delivery, so she only had to wait until the delivery man walked away to open the door and pull the bags inside. She used one of the canisters of sanitizing wipes Castle had sent along with her to wipe down items as she put them away as an extra precaution, and then washed her hands thoroughly once she was done.

Another half hour passed until she was able to sit down on the couch and relax, but when she did so she felt overwhelmed by the silence. It was so strange, because three months earlier if someone had told her she had to live with Castle and his family for several months she would have outright panicked about how desperately uncomfortable that would be and how irritated she would have been with not having her own space. Now, the silence felt heavy as it surrounded her. Soon, a few tears were dripping down her cheeks as she thought about how much she longed for Castle to sit down beside her and drape his arm across her shoulders or rub his hand over her thigh. She knew she would be speaking to him in just a few hours as they had scheduled a pre-bedtime call, but it just wasn’t the same. She knew at that point their separation was a matter of safety and she stood by that decision. Still, it was far harder than she ever imagined it would be.

* * *

The following morning, Kate’s alarm woke her by six thirty. She made coffee and some toast and eggs for herself because she wasn’t sure how practical the eating situation would be at the Twelfth with all the new rules in place. She dressed in a charcoal gray pantsuit with a green blouse beneath and then took her N95 mask with her into the bathroom along with the instructions so she could use the mirror to ensure proper fit. She then put on her face shield, grabbed her purse, and headed out the door.

She had promised Castle that for the first week at least she would take cabs instead of public transportation to limit her exposure to the virus. She hailed one down the street from her building and climbed inside to see a new plexiglass divider between her and the cabbie, which made her feel safe. Once at the Twelfth building, she was stopped by an officer at the entrance and had her temperature checked before she could enter. “Ninety-eight point five,” he told her, the crinkles around his eyes the only indication he was smiling due to his mask. “Have a good day, Detective.”

“Thank you,” she replied. She then walked through the entryway, feeling appreciation for the familiarity, but yet uncertainty due to the fact that everyone was masked and seemed to be walking awfully close together. The lobby space was small, but her inner monologue was fixated on asking, “Is this six feet or am I too close?”

Up on the homicide floor she found that most of the desks, hers included, were surrounded by plexiglass on the front. She approached slowly, mostly focused on what other changes that might have occurred and didn’t see the red balloon tied to her chair until she was almost right up on it. It drifted around, blown by the HVAC-generated air current, and when it spun her direction, she saw multicolored letters that cheerfully greeted her with, “Welcome back!” Kate smiled with appreciation, enjoying the brief moment when she didn’t feel nervous or uncomfortable but instead appreciated and welcomed, and then she sat down in her seat and tried to get reacclimated to her desk.

Fifteen minutes later, Kate was interrupted by the cheerful greeting of Detective Ryan. He stood several feet back from her desk and waved saying, “Hey Beckett; we’re glad you’re back.”

“Oh, Ryan, hey—how are you?” Kate stood, but remained behind her plexiglass barrier, wishing she could go over and hug her colleague and friend.

“I’m doing good. You look really great, by the way. I’m glad you took the extra time.”

She nodded. “Thank you; me too. Did I miss anything exciting?”

Ryan shrugged. “No, I don’t think so. We’ve just been really slammed…and short staffed.”

Before anything else could be said, Kate heard her name being called by an unfamiliar voice. Looking up, she saw a woman standing in the doorway of what used to be Montgomery’s office. When their eyes met, the woman beckoned to her, so Kate straightened her blazer and approached the office. She had been made aware that the divisions new captain was a woman named Gates, who had previously worked for IA both via a formal introductory email and from Ryan and Esposito. Her two partners had dubbed the captain “tough but fair” and she trusted their judgement but was interested to get her own impression.

Walking through the door of Montgomery’s office made Kate’s skin prickle. Through her work with Dr. Burke, her anger towards what Montgomery had done had reduced from a full boil to a mere simmer, which she would continue to improve upon. She’d also had a discussion with both Castle and her father the night before she left the Hamptons. She had told them that her work with the doctor had taught her to accept for the first time that she might not be able to solve her mother’s case. She still wanted to and felt it was her ultimate goal, but she also accepted that doing so at the risk of her own life was no longer worth it. The two men seemed both thankful and appreciative of her decision, and they all agreed it was the best way to move forward.

“Please have a seat,” Gates said, directing her towards the office guest chair which now sat quite far back from the captain’s desk. Once she’d done so, Gates asked how she was feeling.

“Still on the mend but doing much better; thank you.”

Gates nodded. “And do you have any questions at this time about our new pandemic protocols?”

“No, I don’t think so; the documentation I received seemed quite thorough.”

“I know you’ll be on desk duty for a few weeks, but I’ll make sure you have all the new field procedure documentation sooner than later, so you have time to review it.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Gates clasped her hands together and gazed at Kate steadily. “Just one more thing before I let you go, then. It was brought to my attention hat your team typically works along with a civilian consultant.”

“Yes, Richard Castle,” Kate said, hoping she didn’t also have to confess that they were now technically dating. Not that she had any desire to hide her relationship with Castle—she simply didn’t feel the need to broadcast it on her first day back.

“I need to let you know, detective, that due to the circumstances the NYPD has suspended all affiliations with consultants and private detectives until further notice. We simply don’t want to take on the risk of extra interactions with our personnel.”

“Oh.” Kate felt surprised for a moment, but then thinking it through that made sense. They seemed to be having enough trouble with staffing without adding in the mix of those outside the department who might be carrying the virus. “I understand; thank you for letting me know.”

When she was dismissed, she returned to the main bullpen and saw that Esposito had now arrived. Her urge to hug him was even stronger, but she had to settle for a small wave. He approached but stopped about six feet away so that they could speak. “Welcome back, Beckett. It’s good to see you.”

“Good to see you too, Espo.”

Ryan stepped up and nodded to the office behind her. “Did Gates tell you about Castle?”

“Yeah, it makes sense. Somehow I’m not sure he’ll agree, though,” she said, fighting the urge to roll her eyes when she imagined how much complaining he would do now that he couldn’t shadow her for at least the time being.

“Is he still in the Hamptons?”

“Yeah, they're staying through Labor Day at least.” 

Laughing, Espo shook his head. “I still can't believe you lived with Castle all summer.”

“And my father,” she pointed out.

“How'd you survive?”

She laughed, but then shrugged. “It actually wasn’t that bad considering part of that time I could hardly even walk on my own.”

“Oh yeah that’s true; glad you were able to get help, then,” Espo said.

Kate nipped at her bottom lip and her heart rate sped slightly as she prepared herself to say her next statement. She lowered her voice as much as she thought she could given the restriction of the mask and said, “I...I don’t want to make a big deal out of this but I told Lanie so it’s only fair: Castle and I are a couple now.”

The two male detectives exchanged looks and then Espo said casually, “Honestly it would be weirder if you'd spent the summer out there without becoming a couple.”

“Seriously,” Ryan added.

Kate laughed and nodded. “Good to know.”

Before she could return to her desk, Espo stopped her with. “Hey—I’m happy for you, chica.”

She nodded in acknowledgement. “Thanks, Espo.” Then, she returned to her desk and continued to chip away at her emails.”

* * *

By the time Kate arrived home at her apartment she was utterly exhausted. She hadn’t done much during the day beyond sorting through emails and reviewed some traffic camera footage, but it was the first day she had to be “on” for the entire day in nearly three months. Plus, she hadn’t had a nap!

She wanted nothing more than to curl up on her couch, but she knew that doing so would result in her not getting up again, so she forced herself to throw a salad together for dinner. After she ate, she changed into loungewear and called Castle, who was eager to hear about her first day and acted as though it was her first year in a new school, though she appreciated his enthusiasm.

“I’m pretty tired, but I’d say it went well. It was nice to see everyone again, but, gosh, Castle it’s so weird. My desk is surrounded by plexiglass and we have to keep remembering to stay so far apart from each other.

“But that keeps everyone safe.”

“I know, I know; it’s just so strange. It feels like everyone is playing a practical joke on me and one day I’ll walk in and everything will be back to the way it was and they'll say, ‘Just kidding!’”

He hummed. “We all wish that somedays. How’s the new captain?”

Deciding she didn’t have the energy to break the bad news that his shadow days were temporarily on hiatus she just said, “Good, I think. Ryan and Espo’s assessment of tough-but-fair seems about right. I’m anxious to work with her and see how things go.”

“How are Ryan and Espo doing?”

She smiled and traced her finger along the inseam of her pants. “Good, good. I told them about us. They said it would have been weird if we spent the summer together and not become a couple.”

Castle laughed and her heart fluttered with happiness. “I suppose spending several months under one roof was a pretty good litmus test for us.”

“Yeah, it was. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

Feeling the thickness of emotion in her throat she added, “I miss you a lot, actually.”

“I can come back to the city sooner if-”

“No, no,” she said quickly. “I wasn’t asking for that. I…it was just a long first day, but I’ll be okay.”

“But if you ever change your mind, I’m just a few hours away.”

“I know.”

After another fifteen minutes of chatting their call ended and Kate gently placed her phone in her lap. As she had expected, hearing Castle’s voice brought both relief and sadness, but the later was not as strong as she anticipated. Instead, she felt comforted, knowing he would be there for her whenever, if-ever she needed him. Always.


	17. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

“How about a toast?” Castle said, lifting up his wine glass in salute. When his dinner companion did the same he said, “To us—and our third date.”

Kate laughed as she tapped the edge of her glass against his. “Third date, huh? Just a few weeks shy of our one-year anniversary?”

He shrugged. “I suppose you could consider many of the other things we’ve done as ‘dates’ but this is only the third time we’ve eaten in a restaurant together.”

Kate thought back, considering, and realized he was right. If that was the barometer he was using, then their first date hadn’t even occurred until just two months prior, when he brought her out to the Hamptons in celebration of the one-year anniversary of surviving her gunshot wound. The virus had so thoroughly ravaged Manhattan that indoor dining had been closed through the winter and only began to partially re-open in late spring. Kate had not felt overly comfortable with the idea, though, after seeing so many of her colleagues suffer with the virus. Since outdoor dining in Manhattan meant eating at cramped tables on the sidewalk or parts of the cordoned off street, they had opted to go to the Hamptons, where many restaurants already had patio seating available for the summer months.

Though she felt a bit unsettled that first night, the next time she ate outdoors she felt more comfortable, and now that she’d been vaccinated for the new virus her confidence was growing, though she still worried about Castle, who would be one of the last to be vaccinated based on his age group, the fact that he did not work with the public, and that he didn’t have any preexisting health conditions. Still, at least with the vaccine slowly becoming available they were beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, which was one of the reasons they were celebrating that weekend. That and they’d been unable to get away for the Fourth of July the prior week because of how short-staffed the NYPD was.

“It’s just so odd,” she said in between bites of the seafood bisque she ordered. “We’ve been dating almost a year, but yet the number of _dates_ we’ve been on I can probably count on one hand.” Due to the deadly virus, not only had restaurants been closed, but many other cultural events as well. On- and off-Broadway theatres had yet to resume productions, most of the museums in the city remained closed, as did many art galleries, movie theaters, and any other places where large groups of people might congregate.

“So, if the duration of our relationship—and many others, I imagine—has taken place solely during the pandemic, would you say that has made it easier or harder?” Castle asked her. She eyed him suspiciously and he chuckled. “I’m just wondering aloud as I think about it myself.”

“Oh, well…” She thought for a moment before deciding, “I think pandemic-dating is harder. I think in general people are more frustrated and exhausted with the whole situation and thus have shorter fuses. Plus, staying in all the time can get boring—you know, once you get out of the phase of wanting to have sex all the time.”

He laughed. “Okay, I see that point, but pandemic dating doesn’t have as many of the usual tiffs: where are we going out to eat tonight? I want to go to this concert, but you don’t want to. You want me to go to your cousin’s wedding, but I don’t want to.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I can see that. I guess no matter the global-situation, dating is challenging.”

“Of course, it is. Blending your life together with someone else is inevitably going to have challenges, but that’s what helps you both grow as people. Plus, who cares about a few speedbumps on the road to happiness, right? I mean, we’re navigating pretty well, aren’t we?” He reached across the table and held his hand flat, palm up.

Kate smiled, put her hand in his, and gave it a squeeze. “Yes, of course. I don’t think we’ll have problems once we can, you know, do stuff outside of our apartments again. Do you?”

“Not in the least. We’ve already conquered the hardest part, right?”

“Figuring out things to do other than have sex all the time?” she guessed.

With a laugh he said, “No. Dealing with all our plans being interrupted by my mother.”

She laughed, too. “Oh right; that hardest part.”

Over the course of their nearly year-long relationship Kate felt she could name several difficult times they’d gone through, though almost all came from outside sources. The five weeks they were separated when she returned to work and he remained in the Hamptons was undoubtedly the hardest time for her as the transition back to work was much more difficult than she anticipated. She was glad to be working again, but the work was harder than ever due to the high rate of death from the disease, many of which still needed to be investigated if there were any possible signs of foul play. When Castle finally did return to the city and they were reunited, she’d spent almost an hour crying in his arms, not realizing quite how much she’d missed him until they were in the same space once again. She cried from relief that they were back together and the stress she’d been feeling but not fully able to articulate because she’d once again forced herself to suppress the rollercoaster of emotions she experienced just so she could get through the days.

Things were easier for a while, but then in the middle of November, Esposito caught the virus. He and Kate had been sharing a vehicle just two days before he came down with a fever, so she was forced to quarantine and miss Thanksgiving. Alone in her apartment she worried about what it might be like to get sick not yet six months after her shooting, but she needn’t have worried because she did not end up getting sick. Unfortunately, just a day before she would have been allowed to visit the family again, Alexis came down with a fever after attending a school event. Though she wore her mask the whole time, she reported that not every student was as diligent, and she ended up catching the virus. She was lucky and her worst symptom was a week-long loss of taste and smell, but Castle was understandably stressed the entire time.

Thankfully, in the new year things steadily improved for them. Though the winter seemed extra-long and extra cold, Kate was all too happy to be able to curl up with Castle under a shared blanket at the end of a hard case. Being with him made all the challenges worthwhile and she could confidently say she had never been happier in her entire life.

When they finished their meal that evening, they put their masks back on to walk back through the restaurant to get to their car. On the drive back Castle cheekily asked if Kate wanted to end their date by skinny dipping in the hot tub, but she declined saying that she’d spent the morning at a crime scene on a miserably hot roof and preferred to end the evening in air conditioning; they could skinny dip the following day.

“Oh, hey, I almost forgot—I have something for you.” Castle stood from where they snuggled on the couch, walked into his office, and returned a minute later carrying a plain brown bag. “It was…I wanted to give it to you back in May, but there was…well, anyway, here.”

Intrigued, Kate took the bag and opened it up. Inside there was a small wooden box about the size of her open hand. The top was decorated with what looked like a tile mosaic, but upon closer examination the tiles turned out to be broken pieces of pearlescent shells. “Oh, wow. This is beautiful, Rick; thank you.”

“You’re welcome. The, um, the shells…they’re from our first walk on the beach last summer.”

“Wha…really?” she asked with notable surprise. For Christmas he had given her a shadow box that had the shells mounted around a poem with words of adoration. It was beautiful and one of her most cherished gifts, but she hadn’t anticipated a second gift using those shells.

“Yeah—I had just a few left over and I wasn’t sure what to do with them, but then I saw a picture of these keepsake boxes and I thought it would be cool to have one made with the shells on top. So, I found a guy and shipped the shells. I had them wrapped in bubble wrap and covered in those foam peanuts but—and I’m not joking when I say this—the guy who got the package said it looked like a truck backed over the box.”

“Oh no!”

He grumbled. “Yeah…so I thought they were ruined, but then the guy said he could still do something with them, but it would just take a while longer and so you got this instead.”

Kate gazed down at the box in her lap and trace her fingertips over the edge. “Honestly, I think this might be more beautiful. I love it; thank you.” She leaned in, kissed him, and then went to move the box to the coffee table so they could cuddle again, but when she moved it, she felt something rattle inside. “Is…is there something else?” she asked. Without waiting for his reply, she opened the box and saw there was a black velvet jewelry box resting inside.

“What’s this?” she asked, glancing over at him.

He had an excitable look on his face as he replied, “Why don’t you open it and find out?”

She playfully narrowed her gaze for a second before popping the top open, half expecting a pair of earrings that would have been beautiful, but far too extravagant, but instead found her breath taken away by the diamond ring inside.

“If…if it’s too soon, you can say. You can just put it back in the box and we’ll wait until you’re ready but…I was thinking: the past year has been amazing. Incredible. It’s been challenging, frustrating, and sad in so many ways because of this situation we’re in, but then I look at you and think: Thank God. Because I truly feel like we’re only here now because of how the pandemic forced us into situations we wouldn’t normally have been in, but, honestly, it doesn’t matter how we got here. The point is: we’re here. And I love you. And I can’t imagine my life without you—I don’t want to imagine my life without you. I’m in this forever. So, um…what do you think?”

Emotions constricting her chest, Kate couldn’t help but laugh at the way he half cringed with his final question. Was it too soon? Maybe, but she didn’t think so. She had loved this sweet, kind, wonderful man for longer than she ever realized and knew she would continue to love him for the rest of her life. She’d known it since the prior summer, but it had been solidified for her mind on Christmas Eve when she’d witnessed the most ridiculous, over-the-top, elaborate holiday traditions she’d ever seen in her life. As she experienced his outlandish celebration the foremost thought in her mind was: if he’s like this with adults, what would he be like with small children? As that thought ruminated over the rest of the holiday season, she realized she wasn’t just wondering about just any children, but her children— _their_ children. Never before in her life had she imagined having children with someone, but in that moment she unquestionably had with him and thought it unnerved her a bit at first, the more she thought about it, the more her gut told her she was right and her confidence in that fact had only grown since.

“I don’t know, Castle; why don’t you ask me properly and we’ll find out,” she said teasingly as a tear slipped down her cheek.

Grinning, he dropped to one knee before her, took her hand and asked, “Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

Still grinning, he squeezed her hand. “Yeah?”

“Of course, yes. Yes. I love you. Yes.”

“Well, if you insist,” he replied playfully. Then, he slid the ring onto her proper finger, kissed her and sighed, “I love you Kate.” She threw her arms around his neck and held him tight and planned to never let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading. I know pandemic fics are not everyone's cup of tea, but hopefully you enjoy this "what if Kate was shot just before a pandemic" situation. (X post on ffnet)


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